


Share Your Address

by Lolo (TheLittleLo)



Series: Sing to Me Instead [1]
Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Andy/Quynh - Freeform, Archery, Fencing, He's not Joe's TA don't worry in this house we love healthy power balances, Hot teacher adjacent lol, I love her but today I don't know her, Instant Attraction, Multi, Nicky is a TA which isn't quite hot teacher, Panic Attacks, aggressively requited love, archer!nicky, art student!joe, bisexual!nicky, but I didn't want to tag them as this is very much a Joe/Nicky story, discussions of past internalized biphobia and family being homophobic, discussions of past toxic/emotionally abusive relationships, enemies to lovers?, fencer!Joe, history and religious studies!nicky, it's what they deserve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:52:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 60,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25889131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleLo/pseuds/Lolo
Summary: “Who the heck is Nicolo?” Joe said under his breath, as he clicked on the new follower.“Wait- what?” Quynh snatched Joe’s phone out of his hands.“Hey!” Joe said in protest but didn’t make any moves to grab it back.“Oh my god! That’s him! That’s Nicky!” Quynh said, excitedly.“What?” Joe practically shouted.“Look, look, look!” Quynh squealed.Joe leaned in as Quynh held his phone in front of the two of them, his heart was already beating faster than it had any right to. He hadn’t even seen the guy yet. Maybe Booker was right, he really did need to get laid.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Series: Sing to Me Instead [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012113
Comments: 1661
Kudos: 1932





	1. The Deep Breath

**Author's Note:**

> Where does this take place? Fuck if I know. A vaguely american college because that's what I know?
> 
> My tumblr is scimitar-and-longsword, if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3

****

**Joe**

“Give me one reason why I should trust you again?” Joe said, rubbing his eyes in exasperation.

“Oh come on,” Booker chuckled, “When have I ever steered you wrong before?”

Joe dropped his hand and looked Booker in the eye with as much vitriol as he could muster.

“James.”

“Hey, I thought you liked him. You said he was growing on-” Booker started before Joe cut him off.

“Steven.” Joe deadpanned.

Booker winced.

“Ok, sure he’s an asshole. But in my defense I thought-”

“Keane.” Joe said, cutting Booker off again, “Should I go on?”

“No. No. You’ve made your point,” Booker said. He raised his hands in a defeated gesture, but his eyes were alight with something- scheming, probably. 

Joe rolled his eyes but he couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his face.

He turned the page in his art history textbook, even though he hadn’t actually been reading. The feigned act of studying gave him something to do that wasn’t looking at Booker, who was enjoying this entirely too much.

“No, you’re absolutely right, my friends are dicks,” Booker said.

Joe huffed in agreement, eyes still trained on his book. Focused though he was on his fake studying, he still didn’t miss the flask that Booker pulled out of his backpack. 

Joe’s head shot up and he looked around the coffee shop they were currently seated in. No one appeared to be paying attention to them, but getting caught with alcohol on campus was only half the reason Joe was worried.

“Come on, Book, here?” Joe whispered.

Booker lifted the flask and poured a healthy portion of brown liquid into his half drunk coffee. 

“I guess it’s a good thing that this guy isn’t my friend.” Booker said. Clearly he was choosing to ignore Joe’s objections. Both to the alcohol and to being set up by him, again.

“Alright then, how do you even know this mystery guy?” Joe sighed.

“Andy.” 

Joe chuckled. Of course.

“She knows him through Nile. You remember her, right? I think you guys met at that party back in September.”

“You mean the one where I broke up with Keane?” _And he nearly pushed me down the stairs,_ Joe didn't add. But he didn’t have to because Booker winced again.

“Yes, that one.” Booker paused for a moment, a flash of concern crossing his face.

“It’s fine,” Joe said with a wave of his hand. It wasn’t, but it had been nearly six months and he really didn’t want to have that conversation right then.

“So he’s friends with Nile, then?” Joe offered when Booker didn’t immediately start talking again.

“Yes!” Booker said, the enthusiasm returning to his voice full force, “She’s known Nicky forever. That’s his name, Nicky. Nile met him when her dad was stationed in Italy for a few years when they were kids. Apparently he’s a really great guy. Andy said he’s pretty quiet but brilliant and sharp as a tack. And he’s hot Joe. Like, he’s fucking gorgeous.”

Joe laughed at that. 

“And how would you know?”

“Because I’m not blind.” Booker phrased it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “Andy introduced me to him yesterday. He was pretty quiet during the whole thing, but like I said, very hot, in a scruffy unkempt academic sort of way. Andy’s been pestering me to talk to you about him for weeks. I didn’t want to after- well, after my less than perfect track record. But after seeing him, Joe- You could at least get laid. You’ve been a real pain to be around lately and I know it’s cause you’re horny-”

“Booker, come on.” Joe said, looking around the coffee shop once more. Booker laughed.

“I’m just stating the facts. Come on Joe, one date. This wasn’t even my idea.”

“I don’t- It’s only been six months, Book,” Joe said. He put his face in his hands, elbows on the table, taking the weight of his head as he heaved out a heavy sigh.

Six months was more than enough time if he really felt ready to move on. He just wasn’t sure. His and Keane’s breakup had been really rough, and he was still dealing with the fall out of breaking it off with someone who his life had been so entirely entwined with for over two years.

“Maybe I’ll just go become a monk somewhere, or a priest, they don’t have sex right?” Joe said from behind his hands.

“I don’t know, Joe” Booker said. He was obviously out of his depth. Emotional stuff was never his strong suit.

After a moment Booker spoke again, the pep in his voice back once more.

“Quynh knows him too! At least she’s met him. Ask her, I know you trust her opinion at least.”

“She does?” Joe asked, looking at Booker again, “then why is Andy sending you to do her dirty work?”

“I don’t know man,” Booker said, and took a huge sip of his coffee and whisky mixture, “Probably cause she knows I’m enough of a dick to pressure you into it.”

“She’s got you pegged there at least, though I wouldn’t put it past Quynh either,” Joe said.

Joe’s phone chirped and he turned off the alarm.

“I have to get to class,” Joe said, putting away his book.

“Think about it,” Booker said, nursing his drink.

“I will,” Joe promised. He shouldered his messenger bag and was off.

**Nicky**

  
  


“I don’t know Nile, I’m not sure I trust this Booker guy,” Nicky said. 

He held the door to his classroom -well, the classroom he would be teaching in- open with his foot. His arms were full of books, and a golden crucifix was laying on its side at the top of the pile, threatening to fall off. 

“He’s an acquired taste,” Nile said as she stepped past him into the room. She was carrying a box full of other religious symbols, “Where do you want this?”

“On the desk is fine.” He let the door start to swing close and stepped quickly into the classroom.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just leave all this shit here,” Nile said. She crossed to the desk and set the box down with a loud thud.

“Many other TAs use this room,” Nicky said. He struggled with his pile of books as he walked slowly over to the desk. “I don’t trust that things won’t go missing.”

“Okay then why don’t you just not bring all of this.”

Nile plucked a framed print of an illuminated Bible passage from the 12th century out of the box.

“Because visuals are helpful. Please don’t drop that.” Nicky said as he finally placed the precarious pile down on the desk.

“Use PowerPoint then,” Nile insisted, placing the frame back into the box.

“Are you only here to critique my teaching methods?” Nicky asked.

He started unloading the box’s contents and artfully placing them around the desk, making sure they were staggered and facing the desks where his students would be sitting in a half hour.

Nile laughed, “No. I’m here to get you to text Joe.”

“If he’s anything like his friend, I think I’ll pass.”

“He’s not. I mean I’ve only met him the one time, but he was nice. And that was after he had a particularly explosive breakup in the middle of the party.”

Nicky stopped rearranging his books and notes, and stared at Nile, unimpressed.

“By all accounts the other guy was a dick and it was a long time coming. Joe truly seems like a good guy, I swear.” Nile pulled her phone and started opening something up enthusiastically, “Besides, Andy won’t shut up about how she thinks you two would be perfect for each other.”

Nile turned her phone toward Nicky, an Instagram profile was open on the screen.

“He’s cute, right?” Nile asked as Nicky grabbed her phone.

Nicky was met with genuinely one of the most attractive men he’d ever seen. Or at least one that really knew how to present himself on social media. 

First, a selfie in a backwards baseball cap, his dark curls poking out from under it. Sunglasses hid his eyes, but his smile was wide and dazzling. 

Next, a photo of a sketchbook with colored pencils laid -probably purposefully- around the edges. It was open to a sketch that Nicky recognized instantly as the profile of Andy’s girlfriend, Quynh. It was very good, Nicky had only met Quynh a handful of times, and mostly in passing, but the resemblance was uncanny. He could hardly believe it was hand drawn.

Third, a photo of two people in full fencing gear, Joe had his mask under his arm, and a cocky grin on his face. His hair was an absolute mess, sweat soaked and sticking up in every direction. The other person in the photo still had their mask on but was shaking his shoulders from behind. The caption was just a bunch of #1 medal emojis.

Nicky felt his mouth go dry. Nile wasn’t wrong, Joe was very cute. 

Nicky quickly scrolled down a few more rows. More photos of sketches, and more photos that Nicky could only assume were Joe fencing, as he was masked in all of them. A photo of Joe kissing Quynh on the cheek, who was making a scrunched up face. And finally, a photo of a shirtless Joe, beard covered in a rainbow of glitter, and from the people in the background he could tell it was taken at a Pride event. Joe’s face was lit up in a huge smile. There was an arm slung across his shoulder, but the other person was cropped out of the picture.

Nicky sighed, whether from indecision or apprehension or the growing feeling of attraction in his gut, he wasn’t sure.

Nile took her phone back and pocketed it when Nicky held it out to her.

“Well?” She asked, expectantly.

“He’s very attractive. Looks like he’s close with Quynh.” Nicky acquiesced, dodging the real question he wanted to ask.

“Yeah they know each other from the fencing team,” Nile said cheerfully.

“Does he know I’m bi?” Nicky asked before he could think better of it.

Nile’s smile faltered a little.

“I don’t know, I can ask Andy to tell him if you’d like. I’m sure it won’t matter though.”

Nicky gave Nile a skeptical look.

“Really Nicky,” Nile said, her tone softening, “I’ve heard nothing but good things about him. I really don’t think he’d be a dick about that.”

“Ok,” Nicky said quietly.

“What?” Nile asked, though the growing smile on her face told Nicky she had heard him just fine.

“Ok, I’ll go out with him, or whatever - I’ll let Andy and Booker set us up.”

Nile hugged Nicky and started for the door.

“I’ll see if I can get his number for you,” She called over her shoulder, stepping past the first few of his students coming into the room.

“Why don’t you just ask him- wait, why don’t I just ask him?” Nicky called after her, but she was already gone.

**Joe**

The rest of Joe’s afternoon had not gone well. 

As if on cue, summoned by Joe’s mere mention of him, Joe opened up Instagram after he left coffee with Booker to see a message from Keane waiting for him. All it said was _hey,_ no capitalization or punctuation. Joe would have preferred a message begging him to take Keane back. But hey- fucking _hey_?

Joe closed the message immediately. Ignoring it was easier than dealing with it.

He could hear Quynh’s voice in his head getting mad at him for not blocking Keane already. But Joe couldn’t help it. As much as he hated Keane after what he’d done, he couldn’t bring himself to close that chapter in his life. His therapist told him it was a process; he was working on it.

After that, Joe avoided looking at his phone for the rest of the afternoon. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust himself- while that was certainly part of it- he just didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with personal shit right then. Midterms were coming up, and he still had a large portion of his figure drawing portfolio to get done.

By the time he got to fencing practice that night he had mostly forgotten about Keane’s message, and he had definitely forgotten about Booker and Andy’s mystery guy.

Quynh found Joe at the drinking fountain after drills though, and brought them both right back to the front of his mind.

“So I hear you need my opinion before you’ll go out with someone other than that cheating fuck?” Quynh whispered in Joe’s ear. He hadn’t even known she was behind him.

“You’re not one for subtlety,” Joe said as he held his water bottle under the stream, slowly filling it up. Sweat was dripping into his eyes but his hands were occupied so he just blinked rapidly at the slight sting.

“Never,” Quynh said, “and my opinion is, I don’t know Nicky that well, but he seems nice and you need to go out with someone else before I murder you.”

“Jesus, Quynh.” Joe laughed, his water bottle now filled he tilted his head back and took a long drink.

“No you see, it makes sense.” Quynh switched places with him at the drinking fountain and started to fill her own bottle. “You have forbidden me from hunting Keane down and gutting him myself, so I’m gonna kill you. Maybe once you’re a ghost he’ll leave you alone and you can move on with your- uh- after- life.” 

Quynh finished lamely and laughed.

“That makes absolutely no sense,” Joe said with a smile.

“No it really doesn’t.” Quynh laughed. Her water bottle was full now too and she followed Joe to sit and watch their teammates start their bouts.

They sat in silence for a while, drinking their water and letting their heart rates even out.

“You know the solution though, right?” Quynh asked him.

“To what?” Joe retorted, already knowing she was referring to Keane.

“To me murdering you. There is an easy way to avoid it.” Quynh glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, a wicked smile forming on her lips. “Just fuck some other really hot dude. Better yet, fall in love with some other stupidly hot dude, get married and adopt three kids. That’ll show him.”

“Why didn’t I think of that.” Joe rolled his eyes and turned back to watching the bout in front of them. Mostly because he didn’t feel like talking about the shambles of his love life, Joe fished his phone out of his bag where it was tucked under the bench.

He still had Instagram open when he unlocked it, but there was a new message. Fuck. He avoided thinking about that and checked his other notifications first.

He had a new follower.

“Who the heck is Nicolo?” Joe said under his breath, as he clicked on the new follower.

“Wait- what?” Quynh snatched Joe’s phone out of his hands.

“Hey!” Joe said in protest but didn’t make any moves to grab it back.

“Oh my god! That’s him! That’s Nicky!” Quynh squealed.

“What?”

“Look, look, look!”

Joe leaned in as Quynh held his phone in front of the two of them, his heart was already beating faster than it had any right to. He hadn’t even seen the guy yet. Maybe Booker was right, he really did need to get laid. 

Every single picture in the first two visible rows of Nicky’s Instagram was in black and white. The first two were of the ocean, it looked like the same location but on different days. 

The next was what looked like a professional headshot of Nicky -Nicolo- he guessed, looking directly into the camera. He was dressed in a black suit. His hair was pushed back messily, and he had a patchy short beard that somehow worked on him. His eyes were -he didn’t know what word to use- striking, maybe? One eyebrow was cocked above pale eyes that made Joe feel like Nicky was looking into his soul. 

The next photo was of a bullseye paper, and Joe was about to say something about being crestfallen that all the hot guys were into guns when he noticed the words ”Old Guard Archery” in the corner. The center of the target was obliterated, but there was a single hole off target. 

The last two were a sunrise and another picture of the same ocean view as the first two, this time in the rain.

Quynh clicked on the head shot without needing to be asked, and to Joe’s surprise that date said it was from nearly two years ago. 

“Well I guess he doesn’t post very often,” Joe said dumbly. To be fair, his brain was playing catch up after it short circuited upon seeing how truly hot Nicky was.

Quynh swiped to the most recent picture and sure enough the date was only a few weeks after the head shot.

“Do you know what this means?” Quynh asked. There was something dangerous in her voice that Joe wasn’t sure he loved.

“That he doesn’t post often?”

“No,” Quynh said, her voice getting loud again, “That he used to post often, but hasn’t been for the past two years. See, look.” 

Quynh swiped further into his feed, each date only a few days or a week before the previous post. She swiped past more pictures of Nicky, including a picture of what he was pretty sure was Nicky holding a bow and arrow, ready to shoot. He had half a mind to make her stop and go back so he could get a better look. But he stopped himself before the words left his mouth.

“That can literally only mean one thing!” Quynh said too loudly for how close she was to Joe, “He got back on Instagram literally just to follow you!”

“Hey!” A yell came from one of their teammates, “Can you two maybe shut the fuck up? Some of us are trying to work!”

The person they were practicing with was laughing. As was Quynh as she apologized and dragged Joe out of the gym. She wheeled around to face him as soon as they made it to the lobby.

“I knew Andy said that Nile would be talking to him today. This is amazing!”

“Could you maybe be a little less excited by this. The guy only followed me, calm down.” Joe said, finally taking his phone out of her hand.

“You’re no fun,” Quynh said, shoving him on the shoulder.

Joe scrolled back up the top, pausing only briefly on the picture of Nicky holding the drawn bow, but not wanting to let Quynh see him staring he quickly moved on. He checked the dates of the most recent photos again and backed out of Nicky’s profile. He checked the notification again, it was from three hours ago. Then, probably more on autopilot than anything, he backed out onto the home screen and saw the message notification.

“Oh yeah.” Joe groaned, “Keane messaged me again today.”

“Are you serious? You really need to block him,” Quynh said, her voice was fairly soft, at least by her standards.

Joe tapped on the message notification, and froze at the last thing he expected to see.

“What?” Quynh said, sounding immediately pissed, “What did he say?”

“It’s not from him-” Joe stared at his inbox, the dreaded _hey_ message from Keane was sitting in the spot second from the top, just below an unread message from _Nicolò di Genova._

“It’s from Nicky.”

“What?” Quynh repeated, “Let me see.”

This time Joe had the wherewithal to hold his phone out of her reach.

“No!” He snapped. His voice was perhaps a bit sharper than he meant it to come out. But he could hear his heartbeat in his ears and he was panicked and/or excited, he couldn’t figure out which.

Quynh stopped immediately, but he still turned his back on her to shield his phone from her view and tapped on the message.

_If your friends are anything like mine,  
_ _you are being bombarded with requests  
for us to meet. __Sorry to be so forward,  
I just wanted to cut them off at the pass.  
_ _Put us both, again if your friends are being  
as annoying as mine are being, out of our misery._

Joe stared at the message. It had come through only a half hour ago. Which meant Nicky had followed him and then waited over two hours to send the message. What could that mean? Ugh, he sounded like Quynh.

“Joe?” Quynh said quietly.

He handed her his phone.

“Huh,” Quynh said after reading the message.

“Huh? What does _huh_ mean?” Joe demanded.

“Honestly Joe, I have no idea.” Quynh said with a small smile.

**Nicky**

Nicky had circled his apartment a good fifty times absentmindedly doing nothing of consequence. He ran out of things to clean rather quickly, and had already moved the same pile of books between his room and the kitchen four times. He had resolved to take a shower when his phone chimed where it sat on his dresser.

If anyone else could see the speed at which he moved across the room to pick up his phone, he would probably have been embarrassed. Instead he was a bundle of nerves that threatened to choke him. And sure enough when he opened up his phone to see a message from Joe sitting in his inbox he did lose his breath for a moment.

_My friends are indeed annoying the shit  
_ _out of me about meeting you lol_

_Good to know I’m not alone in my torment  
Misery loves company and all that_

Nicky stared at the message for a good thirty seconds before really processing it.

Ok. This was fine right? This was what he wanted. To side step Nile, and by extension Andy, being extremely nosey about whether or not he was able to work up the courage to ask Joe out.

Problem was now, he had to do it without their encouragement. 

Nicky took a breath and was about to try and figure out how to respond when another message came in.

_I’m honestly surprised we haven't met before  
_ _this, we have a lot of friends in common_

Thank God, that was actually something he could respond easily to.

_That’s my own fault, I’m double majoring.  
_ _I don’t always have the time or energy to go out  
_ _Especially with large groups… I’m a bit of an introvert._

Yeah. That sounded good, right? It was certainly truthful.

_Double majoring? Wow  
I can __hardly keep up with my single major  
_ _What are you studying?_

_World Religions and History._

_Fuck  
You’re way too smart for me_

_I’m sure that’s not true, what are you studying?_

_Art_

_And you’re on the fencing team._

_Insta stalking I see_

_Wish I could say I hadn't tried the  
_ _same thing_ _but your lack of recent  
pictures made it a bit difficult_

_I am well acquainted with a very  
specific view of the ocean though_

Nicky couldn’t help but laugh out loud at that.

_I haven’t really had the time  
to keep up with social media.  
_ _Double major remember._

_Yeah yeah  
_ _Rub it in_

Nicky set his phone down and ran his hands through his hair. He took a deep breath and walked out into the main room of his apartment. 

He filled a cup with water, downed the whole thing and filled it again. He heard his phone chime again from his room. This time, he very deliberately walked slowly to grab his phone and sit down on his bed with it. 

_So, you’re an archer?_

_Was.  
_ _I haven’t really had the time to keep  
up with it these last few years._

_Double major?_

_Yes._

_So dating is probably not a priority for you then._

Once again Nicky had to stop and force himself to calm down. He had no reason to be as charmed as he was by Joe. He was effortlessly funny, or maybe he was just really good at flirting.

Nicky switched over to Joe’s profile to look at the first picture again. He was gorgeous. Nicky couldn’t believe Joe was at all interested in him. He seemed like he led such a full life. Very different from the quiet life Nicky was used to.

Nicky switched back to find Joe had sent another message.

_Sorry  
_ _That was probably overstepping_

 _No!  
_ _It wasn’t  
_ _And yes, dating hasn’t been a priority for me._

Shit. Why hadn't Nicky thought of what to say next before he hit send? That sounded exactly like he was brushing Joe off. Panic drove him more than confidence as he quickly typed another message and sent it off.

_I could make an exception though.  
_ _Are you free tomorrow night?_

_Absolutely!_

Nicky stared at Joe's response for a full minute before typing back.

_Wonderful.  
_ _I’ll have to get back to you about  
what and when though. __I asked  
you out without any real plan._

_Haha no worries_

_I hate to do this, but I have an  
early class tomorrow morning  
_ _and I don’t want you to think I’m  
ignoring you i_ _f I fall asleep and  
_ _quit responding._ _So I’m going to say  
good night. __I’ll let you know as soon_  
as I have an idea for what to do.

 _For our DATE_ 😏 

_Yes Joe, for our date._

_Well, then I guess I’ll talk to you in the morning_

_Definitely._

_Good night_

_Good night._

Nicky looked at the time on his phone, it was only 7:30. Why did he say he had to go to bed? If he was being honest with himself he had panicked when he asked Joe out, and then further panicked when he said yes.

His brain was still running on that panic when he called Nile without really thinking.

“What's wrong?” She said as soon as she picked up the phone.

“What- nothing?” Nicky said, taken aback.

“Then why are you calling me instead of texting?”

“Can’t I just want to hear your voice?”

“Nicky, how long have we known each other?” Nile said. Nicky already knew where this was going.

“I don’t know, fifteen years?”

“Do you really think I would believe that bullshit?”

Nicky sighed and just let the words fall out.

“I asked Joe out.”

“I’m sorry, you what? How?” Nile asked. Her voice changed from annoyance and worry, to excitement in a flash.

“I- how? I asked him. What do you mean, how?” Nicky asked, taken aback.

“I mean how did you get in contact with him?”

“You showed me his Instagram, Nile.”

Nicky could tell she had started moving around, probably pacing. Nile and him were alike in that way, restless. 

“Yeah, but you don’t have Instagram,” Nile said.

“Yes I do.” 

“Not one that you use.”

“Well I used it tonight so, now I do.”

“Nicolo, oh my God!” Nile said, “Wait, did he say yes?”

“He did," Nicky said.

“So what are you doing?”

“I didn’t actually get that far.” Nicky started. He paused before continuing, rubbing his free hand over his face. “I sort of panicked and told him I had to go to sleep.”

“Nicky,” Nile sighed. Nicky could hear the smile in her voice.

“We settled on tomorrow night at least,” Nicky offered. “I was hoping you could help me come up with something.”

“Scale of one to ten, how nervous are you?” Nile asked.

What a question. Nicky was thoroughly convinced that Joe was too good to be true, and was already trying to suppress something that felt an awful lot like butterflies in his stomach. 

“Honestly?” he asked after a moment.

“Always.”

“Eleven. Twenty- no, one hundred,” Nicky chuckled. “He is completely out of my league, Nile.”

“Okay first of all, no. If anything you’re out of his. Second, it is adorable that you’re this nervous. Maybe go see a movie? That way you don’t have to worry about the conversation lulling.”

“Doesn’t that seem a little cliche?” Nicky asked. He pressed his forefinger into his thumbnail nervously.

“Something else then? I think the performing arts department has a ballet going on right now. Joe’s an artist, right? He’d probably eat that up.”

“That’s actually a really good idea, Nile.” Nicky said, already opening up his laptop to see if they had tickets.

“So did your conversation consist of anything but you asking him out?” Nile said.

“It did, but not much else. Like I said, I panicked,” Nicky said.

He found the page to buy tickets for the next night’s performance of Giselle. He’d actually heard of that one. Okay good, he could probably hold a conversation about it with some aptitude.

“They have tickets,” Nicky said.

“Oh good!”

It very suddenly hit Nicky that he would be on a date with Joe in less than a day. Forget lying about having to go to bed early, he wasn’t going to be able to sleep tonight at all.

Nile cleared her throat, snapping Nicky back to the present.

“Sorry,” Nicky said.

“You want to tell him your idea don’t you?” Nile asked. Nicky had known her too long to think her tone of voice drifting over the phone was anything but smug.

“Not necessarily,” Nicky said slowly, “although I do feel kind of silly for having ended the conversation so abruptly.”

“Silly? I love you, Nicky," Nile chuckled. "Just text him again, I’m sure he’ll think it’s funny.”

“Okay I will-” Nicky started at the same time that Nile spoke again.

“Ha! Well, I guess good news travels fast. Andy has just informed me that ‘Joe is very excited for his date with Nicky.’” Nile’s voice was full of humor and joy.

“That is-” Nicky trailed off, unsure of how to respond to that information.

“Oh just go text him, I’m sure he’ll be very excited to hear from you again.”


	2. It’s Who You’re Listening With

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicky chanced a sidelong glance at Joe, who was watching the stage intently. He couldn’t tell whether or not Joe was enjoying himself, but he certainly didn’t look bored.
> 
> Joe looked at Nicky, obviously not expecting to find Nicky looking back at him. His eyes widened a little, but Nicky snapped his head back to looking at the stage before he could see Joe’s full reaction. 
> 
> Nicky saw Joe was still looking at him out of the corner of his eye, and when he looked back at him once more, it was Joe’s turn to quickly look back at the stage. 
> 
> Nicky laughed. Small enough that it wasn’t disturbing the people around them. But from the smile that immediately appeared on Joe’s face, Nicky knew Joe heard him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is scimitar-and-longsword, if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3

**An Interlude**

_I have a confession._

_Oh?_

_I don’t have an early class tomorrow.  
_ _And I also didn’t realize it was still so early in the evening._

 _Hey I didn’t want to knock your sleeping habits  
_ _That seems like at least 3rd date material_

 _I thought of what to do tomorrow  
_ _Meet me at the performing arts center at 7pm  
_ _Dress nice_

 _Color me intrigued,  
_ _Do I get to know what we’re doing?_

_No._

  
  


**Joe**

Joe was absolutely not overthinking his outfit.

What he _was_ doing, however, was standing in front of the mirror on his closet door in his boxers, staring at his clothes and himself, paralyzed with indecision.

So yeah, maybe a bit of overthinking.

_What exactly do you mean by “dress nice?”_

_Slacks and a button down?  
_ _I don’t know, just no jeans._

_So it’s not black tie or anything?_

_No.  
_ _I’ve been to enough black tie events to last a lifetime  
_ _Trust me, they’re not a good first date activity.  
_ _They’re not a good any-date activity._

Joe laughed. So Nicky had been to a lot of fancy parties? He would have to file that fact away.

In the end he settled on some black slacks, a white button down, and a maroon blazer. And of course he couldn't help but add two rings and a pendant, he was trying to go for subtle, not boring. 

Joe arrived at the performing arts center on campus at 6:30. He was too antsy to sit at home any longer, but once he was there he felt awkward standing alone. So he pulled out his phone, which led to scrolling through old pictures on Nicky’s instagram, which led to messaging him again.

_I may be a tad nervous, and I’m already here._

_That is a coincidence._

Joe tensed up and looked around himself, he wasn’t prepared to meet Nicky in person yet, he had at least twenty more minutes of overthinking left in him.

_Where are you?_

_By that modern statue of a…  
_ _Honestly, it just looks like a giant metal penis to me_

_Is it strange that I know exactly what statue you mean?_

_Not at all  
_ _Truly one of the great works of art you can find on campus_

_Stay there, I’ll come to you._

Joe was suddenly extremely self conscious. How should he stand? Should he think of something to say?

He was not standing in an empty part of campus, and had already been passed by a few people. A number of them dressed quite nicely, probably going to whatever event Nicky had in mind for them.

Even with the steady flow of passersby, he still somehow knew when he heard a single set of footfalls behind him that it had to be Nicky.

He turned around and- well, Joe didn’t really know how to process what he was seeing.

Nicky was dressed in simple black slacks and a white button down shirt, with the sleeves rolled up past his elbows. He was every bit as gorgeous as his pictures, but even so Joe was struck by the slight differences between then and now. 

In the pictures Joe had spent all day staring at, Nicky had clean short hair, but now his hair was long enough that it fell into his eyes. He had added earrings too, a small silver hoop in each ear. Joe didn’t think it was possible, but somehow Nicky had become even more attractive in the two years since he stopped putting pictures of himself online.

Nicky smiled when he made eye contact with Joe, and God, Joe could already tell that he would do anything to see that smile again.

“You found me,” Joe said once Nicky was close enough for it not to be awkward.

“Well, I had a good way-point,” Nicky said, gesturing to the sculpture behind Joe.

“Ah yes,” Joe replied with a forced chuckle.

He was unsure of what to do next, Nicky’s accent caught him off guard. He knew Nicky was Italian, why hadn’t he prepared himself for this?

“Shall we?” Nicky asked as he motioned for Joe to walk with him toward where all the other nicely dressed people had been heading.

Nicky shoved his hands in his pockets, his shoulders tensed slightly. He looked nervous too, which Joe took as a small bit of comfort.

“So, do I get to know what we’re doing tonight?” Joe asked.

“I hope you like classical music,” Nicky replied. “I have tickets to the ballet tonight.”

Joe couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped from his mouth. Nicky gave him a confused look. Mortified, he started talking a million miles a minute.

“Oh god- I’m so sorry! I don’t mean to laugh at that, I just- kinda hate the ballet.”

Joe’s brain was missing in action, that was the only explanation as to why he was bringing this up right now. Still, for some unknown reason, he kept talking.

“My parents used to force me to go with them all the time as a kid. It became a joke in my family that I hate ballet. That’s all.”

Joe could hear his mouth making a fool of him, but was somehow powerless to stop it.

Luckily, Nicky didn’t seem put off by Joe’s foot-in-mouth moment.

“Well, I’ve always heard it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, but who you’re with.”

“No of course, I’m sorry. I’m sure it will be great,” Joe said, his mind finally starting to catch up with his mouth, “I’m looking at it through the eyes of a 12 year old who was too cool for ballet. I never had a handsome man on my arm before, either.” 

Joe added the last sentence feeling a bit more like himself, and it earned him a small smile that Joe could see at the corner of Nicky's mouth.

Joe stood next to Nicky, silently berating himself as the will call line moved slowly forward. Nicky’s hands remained in his pockets, shoulders scrunched up until he had the tickets in hand. 

There wasn’t another word spoken until they were inside the theater and had found their seats.

Joe knew this was only a university production, but he also knew that the school’s dance program was nothing to write off, and their seats were kind of amazing. Tenth row, on the aisle. 

Joe offered to let Nicky in first, and Joe took the aisle seat for himself.

“So you’ve seen a number of performances in the past, I imagine, however unwillingly,” Nicky said, finally.

When Joe turned fully toward Nicky, he was smirking.

“I am- I can’t believe I said that. It really is just a joke in my family. And yes I have seen a few. It’s been years, though.” Joe forced himself to laugh, though it came out sounding more like a groan.

Nicky’s smile widened, “I get it Joe, don’t worry about it.”

Joe nodded to himself, but he still felt like an idiot.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Giselle though,” Joe plucked the program the usher had given them out of Nicky’s lap, “What’s it about?”

“Killing problematic men,” Nicky deadpanned. “Well, forcing them to dance to death.”

“That’s dark,” Joe said.

“Oh, it is.” The corner of Nicky’s mouth just barely turned up. 

A silence fell over them again, and Joe opened the program. He held it up between them, a silent invitation for Nicky to lean in and read along with Joe.

Mostly just for something to do, Joe read the blurbs about the dancers. After a few minutes he asked if Nicky was finished. Nicky nodded, and Joe turned the page. He continued reading, not really taking any of it in. His mind was focused on other things. Mostly the press of Nicky’s arm into his while they leaned together. Joe realized this was the first time they had touched.

Joe was about to finally say something of substance when the lights dimmed, Nicky pulled away from Joe and folded his hands in his lap.

As gracious as Nicky was being, Joe was pretty sure he had fucked this whole thing up. And not only that, while he wasn’t lying when he said his hatred of ballet was a family joke, it was a joke that was based on fact. Most of his enduring memories of going to performances as a kid were filled with him falling asleep with his head in his mother’s lap.

Joe looked down at Nicky’s hands, one on top of the other in his lap.

Well, even if he didn’t get a kiss tonight, at least he’d get a nap.

He sighed, closed his eyes, and let the sound of the orchestra beginning to play wash over him. 

**Nicky**

The side of Nicky’s right arm felt like it was on fire. It had been some time since the ballet had started, they were at least half way through the first act, but Nicky could still feel the spot where Joe’s arm had pressed against his. 

Nicky shook his head, he was being ridiculous. It was obvious Joe was attracted to him. His face when he had first seen Nicky walking toward him was proof enough.

But then again, it didn’t stop there. Joe kept staring at Nicky’s hands where they were nervously balled up in his pockets as they waited in the will call line. And he had tripped over his words trying to over explain his feelings about ballet, which Nicky had found incredibly endearing.

Joe had even called him handsome and leaned into him as they both stared at the program.

So yes, it was obvious Joe wanted to be here with him, and Nicky definitely wanted to be here with Joe. 

There was no point in letting his nerves get the best of him. People often called Nicky quiet and stoic, which was true, he knew it was. But Nicolò di Genova was no mouse.

Joe had been gripping his own leg since the ballet had started, his body tense. Nicky was willing to believe that was just nerves. After all, Nicky was the one who had awkwardly kept his own hands in his pockets before the show.

Nicky chanced a sidelong glance at Joe, who was watching the stage intently. He couldn’t tell whether or not Joe was enjoying himself, but he certainly didn’t look bored.

Joe looked at Nicky, obviously not expecting to find Nicky looking back at him. His eyes widened a little, but Nicky snapped his head back to look at the stage before he could see Joe’s full reaction. 

Nicky saw Joe was still looking at him out of the corner of his eye, and when he looked back at him once more, it was Joe’s turn to quickly look back at the stage. 

Nicky laughed, quietly enough that it didn’t disturb the people around them. But from the smile that immediately appeared on Joe’s face, Nicky knew Joe heard him.

Joe’s posture relaxed after that, though he still seemed intensely focused on the stage.

Nicky returned to watching the ballet too. A duet was being performed by two of the featured dancers. It was beautiful, to be sure, but Nicky couldn’t seem to focus on them, all he could think about was the simple touch of Joe’s shoulder against his as they read through the program.

 _Enough,_ Nicky admonished himself. And before he could talk himself out of it, he reached out and took Joe’s hand.

At first, Joe didn’t do anything. His hand was still palm down on his own leg, Nicky’s hand clasped around the back of it. 

Just as Nicky was thinking of taking his hand back, Joe turned his hand over and laced their fingers together.

**Joe**

Joe was intent on memorizing every single thing about this ballet. He was truly trying his hardest to soak it all in. He needed Nicky to think he was cool, or smart, or something. 

Up until that point he had felt like he was following the plot well enough. There was a love triangle, but so far Giselle -was that the name of the lead? It was the name of the ballet- _maybe-Giselle_ seemed to only have eyes for one of her suitors.

The plot had moved on since then, but Joe was having trouble processing it because Nicky’s thumb was stroking the back of his hand. He kept his eyes straight forward, but he could feel the heat of Nicky’s leg, mere inches from his own. 

Nicky grabbing his hand had shattered his nervous energy. Now he was more distracted by his need to touch Nicky in any way that he could. In ways that were probably not strictly acceptable in a theater full of people trying to watch a ballet. He pushed ideas of straddling Nicky where he sat to the back of his mind, and settled on something just a tad subtler. 

Joe opened his legs, and hoped he wasn’t sending the wrong signal. At the slightest touch of his leg to Nicky’s though, Nicky gasped and stifled a cough. Nicky had taken his breath away when he grabbed his hand, and Yusuf al-Kaysani was not one to be outdone. 

Joe turned his head to look at Nicky. His date had obviously noticed Joe looking at him. Though he still stared straight ahead at the stage, Nicky leaned in toward Joe to whisper.

“You are extremely distracting.”

His tone was completely even, and Joe might have thought that Nicky meant for him to stop, if not for the fact that a moment later Nicky pressed his leg back against Joe’s and pulled both of their still clasped hands off Joe’s lap and rested them on his own leg. Joe could see the faintest of smirks on Nicky’s face in the dark.

“I’m distracting?” Joe whispered back as Nicky let go of his hand and turned Joe’s hand over to lay palm down on Nicky’s thigh.

Then Nicky had the audacity to shush him.

“You’ll miss the big twist.” His voice was quieter this time, and it sent a shiver down Joe’s spine.

Their little one-up game had gotten to a point where Joe was back to overthinking everything he did. Joe would let Nicky have this win. But only because he really didn’t want to get kicked out of the theater for attacking Nicky’s mouth with his own in the middle of the performance.

He looked up at the stage once more. There was another dancer in a long dress standing in front of the suitor Giselle had been focusing her attention on and dancing all her duets with. The suitor planted a kiss on the hand of the dancer in the long dress and Giselle burst between them, breaking their hands apart and looking utterly crestfallen.

_Fuck._

Joe felt his breath catch in his chest as memories of Keane sprang to the front of his mind, unbidden.

_Oh, no._

Joe wasn’t sure if Nicky felt his whole body stiffen, but he certainly noticed when Joe yanked his hand back into his own lap. 

Joe could feel his heartbeat elevating. He tried to focus on his breathing.

_Shit, shit, shit._

Giselle was yelling -well, dancing, but it read as yelling. Joe remembered yelling at the party- at the young man, her eyes were becoming more and more wild. Her dance movements were sporadic.

Joe’s slow breathing seemed to be keeping the panic attack at bay for now, and the tightness in his chest eased slightly. But god, why did this have to happen now?

He could see Nicky’s head turned directly to him in the periphery of his vision, but Joe couldn’t take his eyes off the stage.

There was a rather lengthy solo from Giselle which ended with her collapsing on the ground.

Joe knew his mouth was gaping. But he really couldn’t believe how viscerally the single action of Giselle pulling the two dancers apart had affected him.

Each of the suitors took turns crying over the lifeless body of Giselle and the curtain fell on act one.

The lights in the theater came back up.

“Did she just die?” Joe said dumbly. He could feel his heartbeat slowing down already, but the need to run was still there.

“Yes,” Nicky responded, the confusion in his voice was obvious.

“Sorry-” Joe said, blinking rapidly, “I have to pee.”

And he bolted out of his seat.

**Nicky**

Nicky wasn’t concerned so much as he was confused.

Joe had obviously been receptive to Nicky’s advances, and Nicky had felt like he made it extremely clear that he was receptive to Joe’s. There wasn’t any way Nicky could have misread the situation, right?

Luckily, and much sooner than Nicky expected, Joe returned and sat down next to Nicky. His face looked damp, like he had splashed water on his face.

“Joe-” Nicky started, not really sure what to ask. Are you alright? Did I overstep? Did you actually just really have to use the restroom, and I’m just overthinking everything cause I like you too much, too soon?

“Sorry I jumped up so quickly,” Joe said. He smiled at Nicky, but with none of the brilliance it had before. It looked forced.

“That’s alright,” Nicky said.

They sat in silence for a moment and then Joe brought a hand up to his face, pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.

“I have to tell you something,” Joe said, “Or I want to tell you something? I’m not sure.”

“Ok?” Nicky said, but Joe didn’t continue, he just took a few deep breaths.

“Is everything-” Nicky started, “Did I-”

“No! No, you’re fine.” Joe actually laughed and grabbed Nicky’s hand.

Well, that shot down all of Nicky’s theories that this was his fault.

“Alright- I’m just gonna rip the band aid off,” Joe said, in a low voice, probably more to himself than to Nicky.

Nicky ran his other hand up Joe’s arm and he felt Joe’s hand relax a bit.

Joe brought his hand down from his face and gestured vaguely at the stage. 

“I found my ex with his tongue down another guy’s throat at a party I was not supposed to be at. There was a pretty loud and public fight. And I just related to that last scene a little too much. I felt like I was gonna have a panic attack for a moment. That’s all. I do that sometimes- have panic attacks.”

Joe finally turned to look at Nicky for the first time, his distress was written all over his face.

“Are you ok?” Nicky said, and after a moment he brought his hand from Joe’s arm up to his shoulder. Joe leaned into the touch and Nicky had to fight the growing warmth in his chest. It was not the time for that. Though he couldn’t deny it felt amazing to have Joe chasing his hand, however subconsciously. 

“Yes- I just think it caught me off guard. Had a little too much in common with that night. That one moment, she pushed between them- and her eyes.” Joe forced another smile, “It’s not like every time I see a movie with a breakup scene in it I break down. It just caught me off guard.”

“Do you want to leave?” Nicky asked.

“No!” Joe said, “I was- am having a really great time. Best night I’ve had in a long time actually. I mean- almost panic attack notwithstanding.”

“Ok, because we can leave, if you need to,” Nicky said, “Really, I don’t mind.”

Joe smiled and he already looked a lot better. His smile looked genuine again at least.

“You’re not the first person I’ve gone out with since that all went down -Booker has been on a quest- but you’re definitely the first guy I've actually liked. I think my heart rate was already a little elevated too, it put me at a bit of a disadvantage.”

Nicky couldn’t help but grin when Joe winked at him and squeezed his hand.

“Besides, I believe you told me something about men being danced to death, I’d like to see that.”

“Unfortunately, if I remember correctly, Albrecht survives.” 

Joe laughed.

“His name is Albrecht? Sounds like a douche,” Joe shook his head and took his hand back. 

Nicky nodded, trying not to lament the loss of Joe’s hand. Joe had just trusted him with something extremely personal and Nicky was happy to give him the space he needed to process it.

“Well I suppose he doesn’t deserve to die just for being a dick,” Joe said with a dramatic sigh and draped his arm over the back of Nicky’s seat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “He was trying to go for subtle” thought Joe to himself while standing in his room in a maroon blazer. What a nerd.
> 
> I chose Giselle because it’s my favorite Ballet. And I came up with the Keane subplot separately. It was literally not until I was writing the scene that it dawned on me that watching someone die of a broken heart upon finding their lover had been unfaithful in the middle of a party might have affected Joe... just a tad.
> 
> The plot and title of this chapter are unabashedly stolen from the song Cecily Smith by Will Connolly. I heard this song about a week ago and originally wanted just write a one shot called "Nicky Smith" because it worked WAY too well. Alas the story kind of exploded beyond the original idea lol.
> 
> If you care about this sort of thing, [ THIS](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSx_kqe6ox0) is the production of Giselle I had in my head while writing this.


	3. Communication is Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I uh,” Joe gulped, everything in him wanted to reach out and grab Nicky, “Do you have early classes tomorrow?”
> 
> “It’s Friday.”
> 
>  _Good one Joe_ , he silently berated himself. Man, he was off his game tonight.
> 
> “Saturday- as of thirty minutes ago.” Joe quipped, _There we go_
> 
> Nicky laughed and his eyes flicked down to Joe’s lips before coming back up to meet his. Well, if Joe was waiting for a sign, that was it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is scimitar-and-longsword, if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3

**Joe**

Joe was able to calm himself rather quickly post-panic attack. Usually he preferred not to talk about his anxiety issues, but something about Nicky had put him at ease. Well, that and he felt like whatever Nicky was making out of about his strange behavior was probably worse than just telling him the truth.

The panicked feeling in his chest had left almost as suddenly as it had come on. More than anything, Joe felt embarrassed.

Nicky on the other hand seemed to be utterly unshakable. His concern for Joe was obvious, and his offer to leave if Joe needed to was probably the thing that had actually made him feel comfortable enough to stay for the second half of the ballet.

The second act of Giselle proved to be a lot easier to concentrate on. Mostly due to the fact that with his arm around Nicky’s shoulders he didn’t have much he could overthink. Nicky had leaned easily into him, and they stayed like that for the rest of the performance.

The lights came up in the theater and people rose to their feet, applauding the dancers. Joe followed suit. His arm was a little stiff but he didn’t mind.

They didn’t even discuss whether or not to say their goodbyes once they were outside, they just started walking.

Once the initial nerves of the night had subsided, being around Nicky was easy as breathing. His presence was calming, and Joe, who had been known to ramble on from time to time, found himself walking next to Nicky listening to him talk about the ballet, just taking him in. They weren’t touching, and they hadn’t since Joe had taken his arm off of Nicky’s shoulders. Joe just liked being near him.

They walked to the edge of campus. Joe bought two bottles of water at a bodega after Nicky had mentioned he was thirsty. They wound their way back through campus, making small talk about upcoming midterms and the differences between Italy and the United States. They talked about their friends, and how they had bent over backwards to get the two of them to go out.

They were typical first date conversations, but Joe was already getting a pretty good idea of who Nicky was.

He cared deeply for his friends. His eyes lit up when he talked about Nile and how they had met as children. Joe could tell her friendship meant a lot to him.

He chose his words carefully. Multiple times Nicky had paused for a moment longer than Joe would have before answering a question.

Nicky also thought Joe was way funnier than he thought was entirely fair. Joe was a lover of puns and purposefully obvious jokes. He was used to getting defeated groans from his friends, especially Quynh. Nicky, however, kept catching him off guard with full body laughs when Joe would have expected no reaction - or worse, an eye roll.

Nicky seemed to hang on every one liner Joe added to the conversation, even the ones Joe thought were bad as soon as they left his mouth. This, of course, had Joe chasing that laugh, trying a little harder than normal to find the most witty thing to say. Nicky ate it up each time though, and the cycle continued.

They talked about Andy, the only person they both knew well. Joe talked about Quynh, who Nicky had only met a few times, but Joe couldn’t help but brag about his best friend.

They talked about how they'd had the same English professor freshman year, and while Joe had thought he was brilliant, Nicky had hated his class so much it caused him to pivot from studying Literature to History.

“He refused to accept viewpoints that didn’t line up with his own, it was infuriating!” 

“He liked all my papers just fine. And I distinctly remember challenging him on a lot of things.” 

“I think you underestimate how charming you are, Joe,” Nicky said, in a quiet voice.

“Ouch! Are you implying I only did well in his class because of my personality?” Joe laughed.

“No! Not at all, I was more implying that I know I didn’t do well because of mine. People can find me,” Nicky paused, as if he was searching for the right word, “abrasive. I’ve never been good at ingratiating myself to people I don’t like.”

“You’re honest,” Joe said. “I don’t think you should fault yourself for that.”

Nicky smiled. It was small, and Joe would have probably missed it if he hadn’t been staring at Nicky as they turned a corner. 

He had been staring at Nicky almost the entire walk. It was a miracle he hadn’t run into anything, but Nicky seemed to be paying enough attention for the both of them. 

It wasn’t until they were halfway down the street that Joe stopped gazing longingly at Nicky long enough to look around. 

“I promise I didn’t do this on purpose, I think I was just on autopilot,” Joe laughed nervously, and gestured to the wooden door next to them, “this is my building.”

“Oh,” Nicky said. He blinked a few times, and pulled out his phone. The screen illuminated his face in the relative dark of the street, and after a moment he added, “what time do you think it is?”

“Uh, I don’t know, eleven?” Joe hadn’t felt the need to to check the time or his phone at all for that matter since he had first laid eyes on Nicky.

“Twelve thirty,” Nicky said, his almost undetectable smile was back.

“Huh-” Joe smiled, “time flies-”

“Did you?” Nicky asked, “have fun, I mean.”

“Oh absolutely!”

“Good,” Nicky said with another small smile.

Nicky turned to face Joe properly, and stood close enough to him that he could feel the heat radiating off of his body. The air in Joe’s lungs felt thick. He stared back at Nicky for a moment, but then turned toward the door of his building and pulled out his keys. 

He felt Nicky take a step toward him and when he turned back around they were about as close together as they could get without touching.

“I uh,” Joe gulped, everything in him wanted to reach out and grab Nicky. “Do you have early classes tomorrow?”

“It’s Friday.”

 _Good one, Joe,_ he silently berated himself. Man, he was off his game tonight.

“Saturday- as of thirty minutes ago,” Joe quipped, _t_ _here we go._

Nicky laughed and his eyes flicked down to Joe’s lips before coming back up to meet his. Well, if Joe was waiting for a sign, that was it. 

Joe brought his hand up to the side of Nicky’s head, who was already moving in toward Joe. It was hard to tell who kissed who but their lips met regardless.

The kiss wasn’t full of fireworks or lightning, but rather a dull warmth that bloomed in Joe’s chest. It felt familiar and unhurried.

Joe felt Nicky’s hand brush his hip and he shivered. He brought his other hand to the small of Nicky’s back and realized he was still holding his keys when they hindered his progress.

Joe laughed into the kiss. They both pulled back, Joe dropped his hands, but Nicky’s hand stayed on Joe’s hip.

“Did you-” Joe focused on finding the key for this door, “did you want to come up? I don’t expect anything, I just-” _don’t want this night to end yet._

Nicky’s hand tightened on Joe’s hip, and his jaw clenched slightly, it was such a small change Joe wasn’t even sure he'd seen anything.

“Actually, it’s late. I’m sure you’re tired. I don’t want to keep you-” Joe hastily added because he wanted to give Nicky an out. Heck, he wanted to give himself an out from feeling rejected if Nicky said no. 

Nicky didn’t say no.

Instead, he grabbed Joe’s hips and pulled him forward, crashing their mouths together.

Their first kiss might have been slow, with neither of them really taking charge. This time? Nicky had absolutely taken the lead. Joe hardly had the chance to think about how hot that was though, because Nicky was slowly pushing him back toward the door by his hips. 

Joe’s heel hit the single-step stoop of his building, but he was quick enough to step up onto it rather than fall over.

Their kiss was broken by the sudden height difference, and Nicky stared up at him with questioning eyes.

Joe leaned his head down to Nicky’s and kissed him once more, before turning back to the door again. Nicky didn’t miss a beat, his hands allowing Joe to turn around in their grasp, and they fell on his hips once more. He stepped up onto the step with Joe, crowding against him, his chin hovering above Joe’s shoulder, Nicky’s warm breath on his ear.

Joe struggled with his keys, but he did eventually get them into the lock. He opened the door and turned his head to press his lips to Nicky’s again.

“Are you sure?” Joe gasped after a few quick kisses.

Nicky hummed into his lips, but Joe didn’t trust himself to translate that in his current state. 

“Nicky, are you sure?” Joe asked again, pulling his head back so he could look Nicky in the eyes.

“Yes, Joe.”

**Nicky**

Whatever apprehension or anticipation had kept them from touching again after the ballet ended had been completely obliterated.

Joe grabbed Nicky’s hand and tugged him inside, letting the door swing shut behind them.

The building was obviously very old, the wallpaper and lighting fixtures looked like they hadn’t been updated since the twenties. Nicky smiled to himself, this felt like a building an artist would live in.

“Elevator’s broken, I’m on the third floor,” Joe said, and he started up the small staircase that seemed to spiral around the broken and ancient elevator.

Joe’s hand left his, but Nicky touched the small of Joe’s back multiple times as they half jogged up the stairs.

On the second floor landing Joe turned around, his smile wide as he pulled Nicky into a quick kiss. Nicky couldn’t help but laugh as they pulled apart.

“I thought you said you were on the third floor.”

“I am, I wanted to kiss you,” Joe said, and he was off once more, pulling Nicky by the hand up the final set of stairs.

Joe opened his door, and let Nicky step in before him.

Joe lived in a small studio apartment. There was a sort of kitchen next to the front door, and his bed was against the far wall, under a window that looked out onto the street they had just left.

“I wasn’t lying, I really didn’t-don’t expect anything from tonight,” Joe said, closing the door and stepping around him. 

He leaned down in front of Nicky and plucked a towel off the ground. Nicky tried and failed not to stare at Joe’s ass as he did.

“Now I’m wishing I had been a bit more optimistic and at least attempted to clean before I left.”

Nicky shook his head and laughed, “it’s alright.”

Joe moved into the small apartment and pulled a pile of clothes, all still on hangers, off his bed and threw them onto the floor of his open closet before closing it. He stripped off his blazer and hung it on the handle of the closet door. Nicky tried not to get distracted by the better view of Joe’s body. 

“Booker hasn’t had the best track record with setting me up, so I just assumed you were too good to be true- sorry, you don’t want to hear about my previous failed relationships.”

“I guess it’s a good thing Booker didn’t set us up then, I asked you out on my own, technically.”

Joe laughed, “true”

Nicky stood by the door and watched Joe move around the apartment doing something akin to cleaning. Joe was shoving what Nicky assumed were the clothes he had worn to class that day into a hamper. 

There was no real way to hide anything in such a small apartment, so all of Joe’s life was on display.

Nicky moved further into the room, cautiously making his way over to the desk next to Joe’s bed. It was piled high with books. A few poetry volumes, but the majority were art books. There was also a fantasy novel with a bookmark tucked into it. 

Nicky counted four different cups that held writing -or more likely drawing- utensils. There were a number of drawings on top of a pile of what Nicky guessed were sketch books or journals. The one on top was of a naked woman artfully holding a long piece of fabric that was just barely hiding her breasts. It looked like it belonged in a museum.

Joe had moved to the kitchen and was placing dishes into the sink. 

Next to Joe’s desk there was an open duffel bag full of what Nicky vaguely recognized as fencing equipment. 

Nicky scanned the walls, there were a number of art pieces hung on them. A few of them Nicky could already recognize as being Joe's. The rest was art of every conceivable style. There seemed to be no pattern or method to the madness, so Nicky assumed each piece was only displayed because Joe liked it. Nicky couldn’t help but smile at that.

Nicky moved to the foot of Joe’s bed and took note of a prayer rug that was folded on an end table next to the closet. He heard Joe sigh, and turned around to face him.

“Sorry,” Joe said.

Joe’s hand was up in his black curls as he turned around slowly in the center of the room. His hair was sticking up wildly. Nicky guessed he had been repeatedly running his hand through it as he tried to clean.

Joe was apparently satisfied with his whirlwind of tidying, and stopped turning around. His eyes finally landed on Nicky.

“How awful am I doing so far?” 

“You’re fine. Top marks,” Nicky said, “I used the opportunity to snoop.” 

“Oh? Find anything interesting?” Joe said, he lifted one eyebrow.

“You’re an artist.”

“Yeah, but you already knew that from my Instagram.”

“You fence.”

“True, but another one I’m guessing you already knew.”

“You’re Muslim?” Nicky said, lifting his chin in the direction of the folded prayer mat. 

“I am,” Joe said, following Nicky’s gaze. “I’m afraid that doesn’t see as much action as it should, though.”

Joe started to move toward Nicky, and Nicky took a few steps toward Joe as well.

“I uh-” Nicky started, “does it bother you that I was raised Catholic?”

“Not at all. Does it bother you that I’m not?”

“I’m not either,” Nicky felt the need to clarify, “just raised.”

Joe smiled, apparently amused at Nicky’s response. “No, it doesn’t bother me, Nicky.”

Nicky nodded, trying to ignore the question he really wanted to ask as it filled his mind. 

Joe took another step, closing the last bit of distance between them.

Nicky’s hands instinctively found their way to Joe’s waist. Nicky closed his eyes and leaned into the touch of Joe’s hands as he ran them through Nicky’s hair. He jumped a little when Joe’s lips found his, causing them both to laugh into the kiss.

There was no mistaking where this was heading, but Nicky needed to do one thing first. For his own sanity. At least that was what the rational part of his brain was trying to get through to the part of his brain that just wanted to give in to this. 

Nicky didn’t usually try to broach this specific topic until a few dates in, but things were barreling forward faster than he was used to.

Nicky pulled back. Joe looked hungry, Nicky knew he probably did as well. But Joe didn’t resist when Nicky pushed him back with a hand in the middle of his chest. Not that Nicky wanted them to stop, but if this was going any further-

“I’m bi,” he blurted out.

Joe grinned.

“Well I’d be worried if you said you were straight.”

Nicky couldn’t help but huff out a weak laugh.

“Some guys care- I’ve had guys care before,” Nicky paused before adding, “I’ve had girls care before too.”

Joe’s smile faded, and he nodded to himself.

Nicky’s hand was still in the middle of Joe’s chest. He didn’t want to stop touching Joe, but he couldn’t pull him in after that. He didn’t want to keep Joe at bay either, but- he didn’t want to stop touching Joe, so there his hand stayed.

“Can I be honest?” Joe finally asked.

“Please.”

Nicky braced himself for the worst. Joe stepped back and Nicky was forced to drop his hand uselessly to his side. Joe took a deep breath and looked directly into Nicky’s eyes.

“I find you-” Joe started, but then he looked around the room before adding, “you should be sitting down.”

Joe stepped back up to him and grabbed Nicky’s shoulders, steering him back to sit on the bed.

Joe then stepped back to stand in front of Nicky, he looked like he was ready to give a lecture. 

Joe took a deep breath, and once again Nicky braced himself.

“I find you fascinating. I’m sorry if that’s coming on too strong.”

Nicky let out the breath he’d been holding, which Joe obviously caught, his eyes going wide.

“Fuck! Sorry,” Joe said quickly. “I don’t care that you're bi, Nicky. Or I do care, but not in a bad way. I care because it’s part of you, I should have led with that.”

Joe laughed and ran a hand through his hair again. Nicky felt the tension he didn’t know he’d been holding ease out of his shoulders.

Joe took a step towards him that Nicky was pretty sure was unintentional. Not that Nicky could blame him, he’d had been fighting the gravitational pull he felt emanating off Joe all night.

Joe closed his eyes and scrunched up his face in thought, which was probably the cutest thing Nicky had ever seen. 

Once Joe had confirmed he wasn’t going to be unkind about Nicky’s sexuality, that was it. Nicky was sold and really just wanted Joe back in his arms. Joe seemed to be on a roll though, so Nicky let him continue.

“I know we’ve only known each other existed for what? 30 hours? I mean, I know nothing about you, I don’t know where you’re from in Italy, or why you’re here in the States, or if you have any siblings-” 

“Two brothers, I’m the oldest,” Nicky offered from where he sat on the bed. 

Joe’s eyes shot open at the sound of Nicky’s voice.

“No shit? Two sisters, also the oldest.” Joe took a breath and another probably-unconscious step toward Nicky. He was just out of Nicky’s reach, it was torturous. 

“I- um- but that’s not- holy shit, I’m usually not this bad at talking,” Joe laughed, before continuing. 

“I’m finding it hard to keep my hands off of you and I don’t want to come on too strong or give you the wrong idea. I just- I don’t want this to be a one night stand. Not that I’m expecting anything. I’m sorry- I can’t stop talking and everything that’s coming out is nonsense.”

This time Joe’s step forward brought him close enough for Nicky to be able to grab his hand and pull Joe to sit on the bed with him.

Joe came with him willingly, turning to look at Nicky next to him. Nicky didn’t let go of Joe’s hand where it sat between them on the bed. 

“You make me really nervous. Or rather, I am nervous- you’re not doing anything wrong,” Joe said.

Nicky didn’t know how to respond to that. He waited a moment for Joe to continue. When it became clear Joe was done talking though, Nicky leaned in closer to him, clearly telegraphing his intention to kiss him. He may not have had the right words to respond, but he could show Joe that the feeling was absolutely mutual.

“Is this ok?” Nicky whispered when his lips were barely touching Joe’s.

“Yes.” 

Joe nodded and Nicky gave him two kisses, pulling back between each one, not wanting to let them deepen just yet. Joe chased his lips both times, and Nicky’s chest tightened in growing attraction.

“I’m sorry I brought up the whole bi thing and ruined the mood,” Nicky said.

Joe’s eyebrows furrowed at that and he grabbed the side of Nicky’s face with his free hand.

“What? No! I’m glad you said something, I wouldn’t have thought to ask, and I hate to think of you being nervous that I would reject you because of that- because of any reason.”

Nicky smiled. “Got it, no secrets.”

“None,” Joe said, staring into Nicky’s eyes.

“Kiss me,” Nicky said.

“Gladly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you think I was joking when I tagged this as “aggressively requited love”???
> 
> On a scale of 1-10 how sexy is it to repeatedly ask for consent and be super honest with your partner about what you’re worried about and what you’re feeling? (The answer is 100... or 1000) 
> 
> Needless drama that could be cleared up by just *communicating*???  
> Nah.  
> I hate to say it, I hope I don’t sound ridiculous, I don’t know who that trope is. I mean they could be walking down the street, I wouldn’t- I wouldn’t know a thing. [Sorry to this trope.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1QAcv2GSwA)


	4. The Bubble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe was alone in his bed.
> 
> Which was an odd thing for Joe to notice before his eyes were even open. He had slept alone every night for the last six months. But that wasn’t right, was it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is scimitar-and-longsword, if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3

**An Interlude**

| 🤺Pit Viper⚔️ |

_Friday 5:54 PM  
_ _[Photo]_

 _Fuck Joe!  
_ _Surprise of all surprises  
_ _You look hot!_

_Oh stop flirting with me_

_You should be so lucky_

_And face Andy’s wrath?_ _  
__I think I’ll stick with Nicky_

 _Friday 6:02 PM  
_ _Ok but seriously, how do I look?  
_ _It’s not too much?_

 _For you? No.  
_ _Calm down, He’s not gonna know what hit him._

_I am calm_

_Liar._

_Friday 11:25 PM  
_ _Soooooooo how did it go?_

 _Saturday 12:04 AM  
_ _If you fell asleep without telling me about your date  
_ _I am going to be very cross._

 _Saturday 12:45 AM  
_ _Oh my god  
_ _Wait  
_ _Is he there???_

 _Saturday 9:22 AM  
_ _Wake up!!!_

 _Saturday 9:27 AM  
_ _Yusuf al-Kaysani check your phone!_

 _Saturday 9:29 AM  
_ _Joe_

 _Saturday 9:30 AM  
_ _Joe_

 _Saturday 9:32 AM  
_ _IF YOU GOT LUCKY LAST NIGHT AND STILL HAVEN’T  
_ _TOLD ME I AM GOING TO BE VERY CROSS_

 _Saturday 10:09 AM  
_ _Arghhhhhhh_

10:30 AM  
Ok seriously, I’m starting to worry.

| Nile Freeman |

_Friday 6:15 PM  
_ _Good luck!!!!_

 _I’m already here  
_ _Freaking out_

 _Don’t freak out  
_ _If it’s really awful or awkward just let me know  
_ _I’ll call with a fake emergency_

_I’m sure it won’t come to that, Nile._

_Then there’s nothing to freak out about  
_ _Let me know how it goes_

_I will_

_Good luck!_

_Saturday 8:13 AM  
_ _Well?_

 _Saturday 9:22 AM  
_ _It went well_

 _Yay!  
_ _Tell me everything!_

 _Saturday 9:32 AM  
_ _You know I can see you typing and deleting things, right?_

_It’s complicated_

_What on earth does THAT mean?_

_I slept here_

_You!  
_ _Ah!  
_ _Nicky!  
_ _Wait HERE?!  
_ _Are you still there?_

_He’s still asleep_

_Haha of course YOU would bang someone  
_ _who’s not a morning person_

 _I don’t blame him  
_ _I only just woke up myself  
_ _We were up quite late_

_NICOLO!!_

  
  


| Le-Fucking-Livre |

Saturday 9:45 AM  
Will you PLEASE text Quynh back

Saturday 10:01 AM  
For the love of god Kaysani  
She’s driving me insane

**Joe**

Joe was alone in his bed.

Which was an odd thing for Joe to notice before his eyes were even open. He had slept alone every night for the last six months. But that wasn’t right, was it?

Joe heard his phone vibrate somewhere on the floor. That was also strange. Why was it on the floor and not charging on his desk?

Joe shifted slightly and realized, or rather remembered, that he was naked. All at once the previous night came back to him and his eyes shot open. 

He was sprawled on his stomach, and his head was turned toward the wall. His comforter was almost entirely covering his head. This was probably the worst position for him to be in when waking up disoriented. He had no idea what time it was, and could see only the tiniest slice of his wall from under the blanket. Pretty much the only thing he knew for sure was that Nicky wasn’t in bed with him anymore.

Joe wasn’t sure if it was scarier to consider that Nicky had left without waking him, or that he was still somewhere in the small room that was his studio.

Then he heard a cupboard close across the room, and he knew exactly which option was scarier because it wasn’t this one. He exhaled slowly, straining to hear anything else. What he heard were the unmistakable soft noises of someone trying to be quiet. Every sound was muffled or slow as though Nicky was trying his hardest to not wake Joe.

Nicky was still there. Good.

Joe slowly rolled over onto his side to face out into his apartment. Nicky was standing with his back to Joe in his poor excuse for a kitchen. He was fucking shirtless, and as Joe’s eyes adjusted to the morning light streaming though the window above his head, he realized Nicky was wearing a pair of his sweatpants. The “OGC Fencing” lettering clearly visible down his left leg as he opened cupboards seemingly at random. The sight went directly to the pit of Joe's stomach.

Joe caught a whiff of coffee, and heard his phone vibrate again. Normally he would have gone for his phone immediately upon waking up, instead he couldn’t look away from Nicky. He let his eyes trace the line of the waistband across the base of Nicky’s back. Joe’s pants hung low and loose on Nicky’s hips, and Joe felt his mouth go dry.

Joe watched Nicky, hoping that with his head still mostly under the covers that Nicky wouldn’t notice him staring. 

Nicky searched Joe’s cupboards for something he apparently couldn’t find, even checking the same one twice. Eventually Nicky pulled eggs and a block of cheese out of the small under-counter refrigerator. He whisked eggs with a fork, and grated cheese into them as they cooked.

Nicky opened the fridge again, but closed it empty handed and said something to himself, loud enough that Joe should have been able to understand him, but the words were Italian.

Joe propped his head up on his hand, elbow on the mattress, no longer worried about being seen staring at Nicky. 

He wanted a better view of the absolute vision moving around his life like he had been there all along. Making breakfast while Joe slept in, wearing Joe's clothes. It was sickeningly domestic and Joe couldn’t keep the small smile that formed on his lips at bay.

Joe continued his study of Nicky. His hair was a little greasy and Joe couldn’t help but think that partially his fault. To be fair Joe imagined he didn’t look much better. Falling asleep sweaty, with traces of haphazardly cleaned cum drying on your skin didn’t always make for the prettiest of morning pictures.

Desperate kisses and shedding of clothes that had ended in messy, too-quick hand jobs.

Objectively, it wasn’t the best sex Joe had ever had. But afterward Nicky had fallen asleep with his back pressed up against Joe, and Joe had nuzzled his face into the nape of Nick’s neck, an arm slung over Nicky’s middle. And Joe had felt safe, truly safe, for the first time in months. Years, if he was being honest with himself. Since before Keane.

Joe rolled onto his back, and covered his eyes with the heels of his hand. His chest felt tight, but not like it did during a panic attack. It was warmer, and instead of making him want to run, it made him want to cross the room, gather Nicky in his arms, and never let him go. He knew he had the goofiest smile on his face.

Once Joe got the ache in his chest- but not quite his smile- under control, he turned his head to look back at Nicky. Who had finally noticed Joe was awake.

He expected him to stop and come over, or say something flirty. That’s what Joe would have done. His stuttering brain was even attempting to come up with something witty at that moment. 

But instead Nicky looked at him and huffed, “You have the most understocked kitchen I have ever encountered.”

Joe snorted at the unexpected comment and threw his arm over his face. How was Nicky so goddamn cute?

“What are you looking for?” Joe said after a moment.

“Anything to add to these eggs.”

“I don’t eat a lot of meals at home,” Joe said, finally sitting up, taking care to keep the comforter covering his lower half, “I think I have some cayenne pepper in that cabinet.”

He pointed at the door in question, but Nicky shook his head.

“You have an empty jar with a cayenne pepper label on it.” 

Nicky gave Joe a small smirk before turning back to the stove. He tipped the pan of eggs into a bowl, and picked up two forks he already had waiting.

“I would come help but I seem to still be indecent.” Joe made a show of tucking his comforter around the back of him.

“And why is that, I wonder?”

Nicky sat down on the bed and offered Joe a fork. Nicky’s face would have betrayed none of the implications buried in that comment if not for the slight flush that Joe could see peeking out from Nicky’s short beard.

“Your fault entirely.” Joe said, “You’re wearing my pants, and I only have the one pair.”

The edge of Nicky's mouth quirked up, and he took a bite of the eggs, before holding out the bowl for Joe.

“I don’t think I’ve shared eggs with someone before.”

“I already cooked you breakfast, I wasn’t about to do your dishes just for the luxury of a second bowl.”

Joe laughed and took a bite. They were good. Simple, because of his aforementioned lack of food in the kitchen, but the little bit of cheddar mixed in made for a nice upgrade.

“I promise I’m not usually this much of a mess, it’s just the time of year. I mean I know it’s no double major, like some people,” Joe gestured at Nicky, who smirked around his fork, “but we have a big fencing tournament at the end of the month and I’ve been practically living at the gym.”

“It’s alright Joe, you don’t have to keep apologizing for everything.”

“Sor-” Joe shook his head with a smile, “Okay.”

Nicky took another bite and held the bowl out for Joe again.

“I must admit I don’t know much about fencing, what constitutes a big tournament.”

“Championship, actually.”

“Championship? You must be good.”

“I’m alright.” Joe said, shoveling another fork full of eggs into his mouth.

“I’m sure you’re underselling yourself.” 

“I’m really not,” Joe said, “Quynh on the other hand? She carries the girls team. If they win again this year it’ll be the 3rd year in a row. Longest streak in the history of the school for Women’s Fencing. I mean we’re all good, we wouldn’t be on the team if we weren’t. But Quynh? She’s something else. She’s an Olympic contender for sure.”

Joe heard his phone buzz again on the floor.

“Could you grab my pants?” 

Nicky cocked an eyebrow at him, and he set down the bowl on the bed.

“My phone is going crazy, and I’d like to get out of bed at some point too. Both my phone and my underwear are in those pants.” Joe said motioning to where his pants were discarded the night before.

“Do you only own one pair of underwear too?” Nicky asked.

Joe laughed and pushed Nicky’s shoulder, which he took the momentum of to lean off the bed.

Nicky put most of his weight onto one hand as he stretched to grab Joe’s pants off the floor. The position offered an exceptional view of Nicky’s body, but Joe didn’t have much time to enjoy it as Nicky tossed his pants up at his face.

Nicky, rather ungracefully, got up from his position balanced between the bed and the floor. He grabbed the now empty bowl, and crossed the small distance to the sink.

Joe found his boxer briefs in the folds of his pants, and laid back down on the bed to pull them on under the covers. He bucked his hips up off the bed, scrambling to get the underwear on as quickly as possible.

It wasn’t until he stood up that he registered that he was half hard, and had no real way of hiding it. Damn gorgeous Nicky wearing his fucking pants.

Nicky turned on the sink.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Joe said, half jogging across the room.

“The dishes?” Nicky sounded genuinely confused.

“Nicky-” Joe reached around Nicky and turned off the water.

“You already cooked me breakfast, You don’t have to do my dishes too.” Joe said parroting Nicky’s own words back to him.

Nicky turned around to face Joe where he was crowding him into the counter. Joe worried for only a moment that his half-hard cock would scare Nicky off. But when Nicky settled facing him, Joe could tell he was in a similar predicament. His breath was already heavy.

Nicky placed a still wet hand in the middle of Joe’s back and pulled Joe to be completely pressed against him. Joe leaned in and kissed Nicky on the lips. Then jaw, then neck. He nipped at Nicky’s bare shoulder and felt Nicky shiver with a small gasp.

Joe’s arms bracketed Nicky, and he was already white knuckling the counter when Nicky rolled his hips against Joe’s.

“Fuck.” Joe whispered against Nicky’s neck.

“Okay.” Nicky whispered.

\---

Twenty minutes later they were both panting and covered in a fresh layer of sweat.

Joe lay between Nicky’s legs, his head pillowed on Nicky’s stomach. 

His jaw was sore. Fuck, he was out of practice. 

Nicky had a hand in Joe’s hair, slowly playing with his curls. Joe hummed, and turned his head into Nicky’s stomach and kissed just above his belly button.

“I think we’re gonna have difficulty going out on another date, if I can’t touch you or hold your hand without wanting to jump you.” Joe knew he was muffling his voice with Nicky’s stomach in this position, but he couldn't quite move yet.

“And when will that be?” Nicky said, his hand still moving lazily though Joe’s hair.

“Tonight?”

“I think I would have to leave in order for it to count as a second date.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Of course it is.” Nicky chuckled, and Joe's chest tightened in the not-panic-attack way again.

“I want to take you somewhere we can talk.” Joe said, finally looking up to gaze at Nicky.

He had his eyes closed, and one arm behind his head. A picture of relaxation.

Nicky obviously felt Joe’s change of position, and opened one eye to look at him.

Joe got up off of Nicky and crawled up the bed to lie next to him. Nicky struggled to pull Joe’s sweatpants pants up from where they were bunched around his thighs with one hand. The other arm coming from behind his head to encircle Joe as he snuggled into Nicky’s shoulder.

“We talked last night.” Nicky said.

“Not enough.” 

“We walked around talking for more than two hours.”

Joe tilted his head up and pressed his lips to Nicky’s jaw, before coaxing Nicky to turn toward him with a gentle hand on his cheek.

“Not. Enough.” Joe punctuated each word with a kiss.

“I don’t know why I’m arguing with you, I’m pretty sure you could ask me to do anything right now and I wouldn’t say no.” Nicky’s voice went quite, barely a whisper by the end of the sentence.

“Anything?” Joe asked, looking Nicky directly in the eyes.

“Yes.”

“How about the dishes.” Joe said, flashing a cocky smile.

Nicky laughed loudly, obviously surprised by Joe’s joke. He pulled Joe close in an almost too tight hug.

“No really, I’m regretting stopping you.” Joe said, with a low laugh.

They stayed like that for a minute, Joe’s head on Nicky’s shoulder, Nicky’s arms around Joe.

“I should go.” Nicky said eventually.

“Why?” Joe said propping himself up to look at Nicky.

“For one thing, I need a shower.”

“Shower here.” Joe said, not even caring to feel shame at the fact that he was practically begging Nicky not to leave.

Something in him really didn’t want to break the spell of that morning. Like if they said goodbye this bubble of just the two of them would pop and Joe would never see Nicky again. Which he was aware, somewhere in the back of his mind, was pretty irrational. Still he wanted Nicky to stay as long as possible.

“I do need to go home at some point today.” Nicky laughed again.

“Okay,” Joe said, “But not yet.”

Joe found Nicky a clean towel, and showed him how to work the shower. He stood at the door for a moment. He almost asked to shower with Nicky, his fucking pants on Nicky were really clouding his mind. But his phone buzzed in his hand, and he saw a text from Quynh that was just his name in all capitals.

“I should take care of this.” Joe said.

“And I should take care of this.” Nicky gestured to himself, and closed the door.

Joe stared at the door for a moment, and he almost knocked, but his phone buzzed again.

Quynh had texted Joe his own name no less than 15 times in a row. He quickly scrolled to the last read message, and saw that she had guessed that Nicky was there.

Joe heard Nicky turn on the shower as he typed out a reply to Quynh.

_You need help lol_   
_Stop texting me every five minutes_   
_And MAYBE I will give you details_

Joe shook his head and went to take care of the dishes before Nicky actually did try and do them again.

After finishing he found a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt, just to have something to wear until he could take a shower himself.

God he really should have just showered with Nicky.

There was a knock at his door and Joe jumped.

“Joe?”

It took Joe a moment to register that he recognized the voice.

“Quynh?”

When Joe yanked open the door and added in a harsh whisper, “What the hell are you doing here?” 

“I needed to make sure you were okay.”

Joe honestly didn't know how to respond to that. But Quynh looked legitimately worried, which was unusual for her.

“You needed to make sure I was okay?”

“You weren’t texting me back and I got worried. Andy said I was freaking out over nothing, but the longer you didn’t text back the more I imagined terrible things having happened. I was picturing you chopped up in an old fridge somewhere."

“Quynh.” Joe said knowing she was over exaggerating. 

“Ok fine not that bad,” Quynh rolled her eyes, before adding in a quieter voice, “But I was worried that something happened.”

“Something happened? Quynh. Have you met Nicky?”

“Yes, Joe I have.” Quynh took a deep breath, “I’ve met lots of people. I met Keane too.”

Joe started at Quynh in disbelief. He really didn’t know how to respond to that.

“I was his friend too, and I didn’t know what he was putting you through. So I started to think about how I didn’t really know Nicky that well, honestly neither does Andy and- ” Quynh looked up at the ceiling and sighed “This all sounds dumb now that I’m saying it out loud.”

“You are-” He pulled her into a hug. “You are ridiculous. And I love you. And I hate to think of you worrying about me, while I was having the time of my life.”

Joe heard the water turn off.

Quynh pulled out of Joe’s arms and looked at him, a sparkle of mischief growing in her eyes.

“What was that?” 

“The shower. I really hate to be a dick about this but I think I should go.”

“Is he still here?” Quynh whispered. 

“Yes, Quynh. Go tell Andy she was right, Nicky’s amazing,” Joe was trying to push Quynh out the door, “I promise I will tell you everything later-” 

But it was too late, Joe heard the bathroom door open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Joe but-[bubble, popped.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bw9CALKOvAI)
> 
> (Really toeing the line between Mature and Explicit here lol)
> 
> So next chapter, how about some plot? We’ve been mostly living in the fluff zone. How about fluff with plot, you know that extremely popular fanfic trope “FWP?”


	5. Introduction to Internal Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn’t even think twice before putting Joe’s sweats back on. Mostly because he hadn’t thought to bring his clothes in the bathroom with him, but also because he had seen the way Joe reacted to them. And putting snarky, confident Joe off balance was quickly becoming one of Nicky’s favorite things.
> 
> He walked out of the bathroom, still towel drying his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is scimitar-and-longsword, if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3

**Nicky**

Almost as soon as he closed the door, Nicky wanted to open it and pull Joe into the shower with him. He didn’t, but he wanted to.

He turned on the shower, knowing from Joe’s instructions that it would take a few minutes to heat up. He felt sluggish. Probably due to the fact that, not fifteen minutes ago, he had received the best blow job of his life.

Nicky looked in the mirror and was surprised to find himself grinning. He shook his head slightly, trying to clear his thoughts. The fog in his head cleared slowly as the tiny bathroom filled with steam.

It wasn’t until Nicky was almost done showering that he realized he hadn’t taken care of Joe after he’d rendered Nicky a blissed out mess. Nicky felt guilt for a moment, then he felt embarrassed that he was thinking of sex like a transaction, but that feeling passed quickly. That wasn’t what Nicky was actually worried about, he didn’t feel like he owed Joe anything. He wanted Joe to feel good, not because Joe had made him feel good, but because he liked him. Because Nicky wanted to see Joe taken apart by his hands. 

Nicky took a deep breath, and flipped the water to cold. He felt a heat in his pelvis that wasn’t something he wanted to deal with right then, not when Joe was patiently waiting for him just outside.

Maybe he could walk out and just blow Joe right in the middle of the room. Get down on his knees and take him without saying a word.

Nicky plunged his whole head under the steadily cooling water.

“God.” Nicky said under his breath.

He really needed to get himself under control. Nicky was feeling way too much, way too fast. Perhaps sticking to the original plan and leaving after his shower was the best option. 

But it seemed like Joe was on the same page, so why should Nicky worry? What had he said the previous night? _I don’t want this to be a one night stand._ Nicky could confidently say he felt the same way.

 _Next time,_ He promised himself, and then with a flash of realization added, _tonight._

He was really agonizing over whether to blow Joe now or in a few hours. Nicky laughed at himself and covered his face with his hands, he was in so much trouble.

He didn’t even think twice before putting Joe’s sweats back on. Mostly because he hadn’t thought to bring his clothes in the bathroom with him, but also because he had seen the way Joe reacted to them. And putting snarky, confident Joe off balance was quickly becoming one of Nicky’s favorite things.

He walked out of the bathroom, still towel drying his hair.

“Nicky-”

Joe’s surprised tone caught Nicky off guard, but not as much as seeing Quynh standing next to him in the doorway.

“Nice pants,” Quynh said with a smirk, “we match.”

Sure enough Quynh was wearing nearly identical OGC Fencing sweats, though hers were inverted colors.

“Can you-” Joe said, clearly exasperated at Quynh, and put a hand over his eyes, embarrassed.

“Nice to see you again Quynh.” Nicky said.

He was pretty sure his face didn’t give away his initial shock, nor the slight embarrassment he felt in that moment.

“Likewise Nicky.” Quynh said.

There was a moment where all three of them stood there silently. Quynh leaning on the door frame, Joe’s hand still over his eyes, Nicky shirtless and still holding a damp towel to his head.

“I should probably go.” Nicky said finally.

Joe lowered his hand to look at Nicky, and crossed the room to him.

“You don’t have to go. I can make her leave,” Joe said to Nicky before turning back to his friend and adding, “Quynh leave.”

Quynh laughed, and Nicky did too.

“It’s okay Joe, I have a paper I need to work on anyway. Especially if we’re going to see each other later.”

Joe’s eyes lit up a little at that.

“Yeah. Right. Of course.” 

Joe shifted his body so that his back was fully to Quynh. and he placed his hand on Nicky’s hip. He locked eyes with Nicky and brushed his thumb over Nicky’s skin just above the waistband of Joe’s sweats. Nicky shivered, and stepped a little bit closer to Joe.

Quynh cleared her throat. Nicky hardly registered the noise, but Joe didn’t appear to notice at all.

“So tonight?” Nicky offered.

“Yes!” Joe said, blinking a few times, “Do you drink? We could go to The Safe House, it’s a bar, pretty low key, on the other side of campus. It’s near the bodega we went to last night.”

“I know where it is, I live around the corner.”

Joe laughed.

“Why did you let me drag you all the way to the other side of campus then?”

Nicky cocked an eyebrow at Joe.

“Because I like you.”

“Right.” Joe said with a sheepish grin.

A moment passed, Joe’s eyes flicked down to Nicky’s chest. 

“Do you-”Joe said, his eyes moved to stare at his hand where it still was on Nicky’s hip, “Do you need to borrow a shirt?”

“Well I was planning on changing before I left but now-”

“You can change, I don’t mind.” Quynh piped up from where she now stood in the kitchen when Nicky paused. She winked at Nicky when his eyes met hers.

“I don’t think you’d appreciate that, due to the fact that I am currently not wearing underwear.” Nicky deadpanned at her.

Quynh choked on nothing, and then turned her back to them, her shoulders shaking, obviously stifling laughter.

Joe smiled, his deep brown eyes crinkled at the sides, and he leaned in and kissed Nicky.

“Here.” Joe pulled open a drawer under his bed and handed a grey t-shirt to Nicky.

Nicky pulled it on.

Joe squinted at the window.

“One second,” Joe said and went to his closet, grabbing a black hoodie, and handing it to Nicky, “It looks cold.”

Nicky felt a little odd putting his nice shoes on with his cobbled together outfit of Joe’s clothes. He couldn’t help but notice Joe openly staring at him as he did though.

“You are not subtle.” Nicky folded his clothes from the night before and tucked them under his arm.

“Sorry.” Joe blinked and looked away, Nicky was pretty sure he was blushing.

“You don’t have to apologise, I’m not complaining.” Nicky said, and Joe brought his eyes back down to Nicky.

“So tonight? I was thinking seven?” Joe said.

“Make it six, I’ll work fast.” Nicky said, Joe’s hand found its way to Nicky’s hip again.

Nicky was vaguely aware that Quynh was still in the room but he couldn’t help stepping up to Joe. Their bodies within inches of each other.

“God I should have just showered with you.” Joe said quietly after a moment. 

“Next time.”

“Promise?”

“Yes,” Nicky said and he gave Joe a quick kiss, “Bye.”

“Bye.”

Joe’s hand lingered on Nicky’s hip as he turned. Nicky missed it as soon as it fell away.

“Quynh.” Nicky said, making eye contact with her and nodding as he walked past her and out the door. He tried his hardest to sound confident and unflustered by her unexpected presence.

“Bye Nicky.” Quynh replied brightly, drawing his name out in a teasing. sing-song tone.

Nicky stepped into the hall and the door shut behind him.

“I fucking hate you so much right now.” he heard Joe’s voice muffled from inside the apartment. 

Nicky couldn’t help but laugh, and apparently neither could Quynh. But her laughter faded from earshot as Nicky made his way down the spiral stairs, and out into the street.

**An Interlude**

_Is going on one date and sleeping together  
_ _twice too soon to ask for your number?_

 _lol getting sick of having to look at sweaty  
_ _pictures of me fencing in order to dm me?_

 _Never.  
_ _I do find this app a bit tedious though_

_202-555-0157_

| Yusuf “Joe” al-Kaysani |

_Saturday 11:35 AM  
_ _See, look how much easier this is._

_Oh, so much easier._

_This may be over text but  
_ _I can hear you making fun of me._

 _Making fun?  
_ _I was going for flirty  
_ _Maybe I’m not as smooth as I think I am_

 _You are very smooth Joe  
_ _And handsome_

 _Saturday 11:43 AM  
_ _You know, it’s not often I am rendered speechless..._

_I aim to please._

_I really want to kiss you right now._

**Nicky**

Nicky absentmindedly pulled the hood of Joe’s hoodie tighter around his face.

Concentrating on his essay was proving to be impossible. It didn’t help that Nile was texting him for details about his and Joe’s date every few minutes. Nicky was happy to give them and relive the night. It just wasn’t conducive to writing an essay about Eurocentric history’s portrayal of the first crusade and the siege of Jerusalem.

He gave up trying to do anything productive after two hours. He still had all of Sunday, it was fine.

Nicky hadn’t known what to say to Joe’s “I really want to kiss you” text so he hadn’t responded. He felt a little guilty about it, but his own feelings were so confusing that they overshadowed his guilt. He was worried this had all just been some whirlwind night and morning. He needed to think about Joe with a clear head. 

Even with a few hours' distance though, Nicky couldn’t stop thinking about Joe. All he wanted to do was go back over to Joe’s tiny apartment and just be there. He could bring his laptop and work there. Surely, being able to look up and see Joe would be less distracting than imaging him constantly.

He imagined sitting at Joe’s desk while Joe lounged on his bed, working late into the night, complaining every so often about how he couldn’t get the wording on a sentence right, and Joe would chuckle at his frustration- and if Nicky stayed the night again, out of convenience of course, well then that was even better.

Waking up with Joe’s arm draped over him, and his breath hot on Nicky’s neck had been wonderful. Joe had stayed that way all night, only to roll over into what Nicky suspected was Joe’s natural sleeping position when Nicky got up. That had warmed Nicky’s heart.

Nicky found himself listing things he liked about Joe, as the afternoon wore on.

His hair, his eyes, his fucking smile. Nicky found the urge to kiss Joe every time he smiled, which was practically constant, almost impossible to resist. He wondered if Joe always smiled that much or if it was just with Nicky. Another frankly ridiculous thought that told Nicky he was in too deep, too fast.

Joe’s laugh. How easily excitable he was. The art that littered every surface of his apartment, including the walls. Nicky wondered if Joe would ever draw him. 

The way Joe never interrupted him. Everyone interrupted him. Nile did it constantly, Quynh had interrupted him just that morning. He didn’t mind, not really. He was a slow talker. Or rather he had a habit of pausing in the middle of a thought and people tended to take it as an opening.

Joe didn’t interrupt him.

Over two hours since he’d left Joe’s apartment and he still couldn’t stop thinking about him. Nicky’s worries about whether or not his feelings, strong as they were, were real, were starting to evaporate.

It felt right, being with Joe. It had scarcely been a day, but he could already imagine himself waking up in Joe’s arms everyday for- well, for a long time. Maybe he didn’t need to overthink just this one part of his life.

He grabbed his phone and texted Joe.

_You are extremely distracting_

_I’ve been told that_

_Yeah by me, last night_

_And how, pray tell, am I being distracting?  
_ _I’m just sketching, alone in my apartment._

 _I’m trying to write and all I can think about is you.  
_ _It’s distracting.  
_ _You’re distracting._

_Sorry_

_And texting that you want to kiss me?  
_ _I have half a mind to come back over and kiss away  
_ _the stupid smile I know is on your face right now_

 _Twice in one day Nicky,  
_ _I'm speechless._

Nicky leaned back in his chair and stared at the open document that would eventually be his essay. Right now it was a page and a half of crap. And he had quizzes to grade by Monday as well.

All he wanted to do was see Joe. And talk to him, or kiss him, or kiss him while talking to him. Nicky sighed, and smiled to himself. This was ridiculous.

_Ok I know we said 6  
_ _But what about 5?_

_Eager to kiss the smile off my face?_

_Among other things.  
_ _I would suggest now, but if I don’t get at least  
_ _SOME work done on this today I’ll regret it tomorrow_

_I will endeavor to be less distracting_

_Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s possible  
_ _I will power through though_

 _Inspiring  
_ _Truly a martyr_

Nicky decided that critical thinking wasn’t going to happen and closed his laptop. Grading quizzes on the other hand was much easier. Still time consuming, but less involved.

Overall his students did pretty well. One student, a guy named Keane who Nicky had butted heads with in class more than once, had spent a large portion of his essay answer trying to make a point about the iconography of the cross being a form of idol worship. Which would have been a pretty good stance to make if his arguments hadn’t been nonsense.

Nicky circled the two paragraphs and wrote _An interesting point, needs more evidence._ In red ink and gave him half credit.

The class he TAed for, Abrahamic Religions, was led by Professor Wakefield. This was Nicky’s second semester TAing for her class and he felt like he had a pretty good handle on it. He was looking forward to continuing his work with her when he started grad school in the fall.

Nicky liked looking at religion from a scholarly perspective. He’d spent so much of his youth feeling separated from his faith by a chasm of rules and expectations that he could not live up to. Eventually all that pressure became too much and he sidestepped away from interacting with religion on a personal level. 

Instead he focused his energy into learning about religion, all religions, and the role they’d played in society through the centuries. He was particularly interested in the crusades, and the consequences of them in the present world. He was hoping to do his master's thesis on the topic.

At the very least it had kept his parents off his back. Surely their son who was spending hours and hours every week studying religion still had a relationship with God. Nicky never really confirmed or denied any of it. But they had never pressed the issue either.

Before Nicky knew it two more hours had passed and the quizzes were all graded.

Now he only had to waste one hour before he saw Joe again.

He had done a pretty good job of not thinking about Joe while he graded. But now that he no longer had that distraction his mind began to race. 

Nicky wasn’t really the going-out-to-bars type. But he was confident he’d have fun with Joe no matter what they did. And being somewhere public at least made Nicky feel like he would be able to resist throwing himself at Joe as soon as he saw him.

He would probably need to change out of Joe’s clothes before he saw him again, because Nicky had a slight suspicion that if he didn’t, it wouldn’t matter how much control Nicky had over himself, Joe would take matters into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Putting snarky, confident Joe off balance was quickly becoming one of Nicky’s favorite things.” Sure Nicky, allow me to introduce Quynh, she is also proficient in putting people off balance.
> 
> Me: *Aggressively ignoring that low key plot twist....*  
> Me @ myself: Lo what the fuck???????  
> Me: 😈


	6. The Safe House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I noticed you changed,” Joe remarked, not meaning for his voice to go as low as it did.
> 
> “I thought you could come over to pick up your clothes after this,” Nicky said. His voice dipped to match Joe’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [scimitar-and-longsword,](https://scimitar-and-longsword.tumblr.com/) if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3
> 
> Beta read by [Isa](https://yogurtfordinner.tumblr.com/)  
> (Hey, I have a beta reader now and she's low-key saving my life, even slowly going through the previous chapters! So send her some love if ya feel like it!)

**Joe**

The Safe House wasn’t, strictly speaking, a bar. While you could only get drinks and food from the bar itself, you didn’t actually need to be of drinking age to enter. There were multiple groupings of couches, tables and armchairs scattered throughout the open room, and a few arcade cabinets and pinball machines against the wall.

It was open 24 hours a day and you could usually find at least a few students there no matter the hour, desperately trying to finish some project or another, driven from their dorms by the need to be literally anywhere else.

It was the type of place that could really only exist in a college town. Joe liked to think of it as homey. He had spent so much time there over the last three years that it felt like a second home, at least. Especially over the six months since he had ended things with Keane.

It always smelled of stale beer and the floor was perpetually sticky, but its warm lighting, mismatched furniture, and eclectic music choices were comforting. And the owner, Charlie, made a point to know all the regular students by name, including Joe. Not to mention Quynh, Andy and Booker.

The Safe House was where Joe had met Andy for the first time freshman year when Quynh finally deigned to introduce her to him and Booker. It was where Joe had spent countless evenings watching Booker get drunk, and nearly as many evenings cutting Booker off. 

Joe had spent many late nights studying, and afternoons celebrating fencing victories at the Safe House. He could imagine Nicky slotting into every single one of those moments with ease.

Joe checked his phone and there were no new texts, it was 4:56 PM. He found an empty table in the corner and parked himself at it. He tried not to fidget, but his nerves refused to let him settle, so he pulled a small sketchbook out of his pocket and started drawing a group of students who were sitting on a couch on the other side of the Safe House.

They all looked exhausted, but most students did at the moment. Midterms started in a week and there was a blanket of stress that hung over the entire campus. Everyone felt it, Joe had felt it too. That was, until the previous night.

Joe scowled at his work, trying to figure out if he was happy with what he had drawn so far. He had been focusing on the general silhouettes of the group. One girl’s messy bun, another’s posture as she leaned back with her eyes closed, and the boy between the two of them holding a drink he hadn’t taken a sip from the entire time Joe had been watching them.

He was about to start adding details when he noticed someone in his periphery watching him.

“That’s really good.” Nicky’s voice met Joe’s ears, and he couldn’t help but grin at the praise.

“Thank you, it’s not finished yet,” Joe said. He pocketed his pencil and sketchbook, and stood up, pulling Nicky into a kiss like he had been imagining all afternoon.

Nicky grinned into it, and his hands found their way to Joe’s lower back. The spark they’d had that morning was definitely still there. Joe felt the tightness -or fondness- in his chest once again.

“I missed you,” Joe said when they pulled apart. He knew he was smiling widely and didn’t even try to hide it.

“It’s been five hours,” Nickys said, the corner of his mouth turning up.

“Five and a half,” Joe corrected. “Do you want something to drink?

“Sure, what’s good here?” Nicky asked, looking toward the bar.

“I've never heard a single word of praise for the drinks here. Do you want shitty beer or a shot?” Joe said with a chuckle. 

“Ah- well in that case, shitty beer. I’d like to still be on my feet when we leave.” Nicky answered and looked back at Joe. He was pretty sure Nicky was implying something, but the man was nearly impossible to read sometimes.

“Got it, be right back,” Joe said. He turned out of Nicky’s arms to leave, and felt one of Nicky’s hands stay on his back until he was out of reach.

“Yusuf, my boy!” Charlie said in her usual chipper tone when Joe made it to the bar and gave her Nicky’s order.

“I don’t recognize your friend.” Charlie said when she returned a moment later with an opened bottle of beer and a glass of water. 

“His name’s Nicky,” Joe said, as he pulled out his wallet to pay.

“Should I expect him to be a regular fixture in your group?”

Joe laughed, and felt his cheeks grow hot. “I hope so.”

“Well, good luck, then.”

Joe thanked her and walked back toward where Nicky was now seated. Joe finally got a good look at him. 

Nicky was wearing substantially less fancy clothes than the previous night, dark jeans and an olive green henley. He still looked fantastic, but now it looked effortless.

Joe handed Nicky his beer, and sat down in the chair next to him.

“Are you not drinking?” Nicky asked.

“Oh, I don’t drink,” Joe said. He was fairly sure Nicky wouldn’t judge him. Still, it was a vice most college aged people, at least the ones he knew, didn’t deny themselves.

“Because of Fencing?” Nicky asked. He took a sip of his beer, and made a face as he swallowed.

“I told you the beer was bad,” Joe laughed. “And no, because I’m Muslim.”

“You weren’t kidding, that’s maybe the worst beer I’ve ever had,” Nicky said, his face still distorted in disgust, giving the bottle a close look before looking back at Joe. “I knew that- I didn’t forget. I should have known that you wouldn’t drink.”

“You can’t be expected to know the rules that every religion follows.” Joe said.

“I know all the Catholic rules.” Nicky’s voice trailed off and he took another gulp of beer, hiding his disgust a bit better.

Joe sipped his water, unsure of how to restore the flow of the conversation he had just watched die in front of him.

Nicky was staring at the bottle in his hands with confusion. Joe had never tried it, but Andy and Booker complained about it endlessly. Yet for some reason they still got beer every time they were there.

“So, midterms.” Joe said. He drew out the first word, hoping to emphasize the awkward pause rather than try to sweep it under the rug, which apparently worked because Nicky breathed out sharply through his nose, almost laughing.

“Ah yes, and the weather.” Nicky added, gesturing up to the ceiling. He finally looked up at Joe again, his cheeks flushed and continued, “You were right, it was a little chilly. The hoodie was nice.”

“I noticed you changed,” Joe remarked, not meaning for his voice to go as low as it did.

“I thought you could come over to pick up your clothes after this,” Nicky said. His voice dipped to match Joe’s.

“You did say you lived close by,” Joe said and placed a hand on Nicky’s thigh under the table.

“Less than a five minute walk,” Nicky said. He leaned in toward Joe, and opened his legs slightly.

Somewhere else in the Safe House a group of students erupted in loud laughter and Joe remembered they were in a public and well-lit room. He pulled his hand back.

“Man,” Joe started, rubbing the back of his neck, “maybe we should stick to discussing midterms and the weather while in public.” 

He really was having trouble with his brain wandering down paths he couldn’t follow right then and there. Nicky leaned back in his chair.

“Neither one of us is taking human sexuality are we?” Nicky asked. How was he so good at saying shit like that with a straight face?

Joe huffed out a laugh. Nicky was still holding his beer with both hands, and Joe was trying to figure out how awkward it would be to pull one hand away to hold it.

“I wish- but that’s-” Joe stuttered. “I want to get to know you better.”

“Fair enough,” Nicky said, and added with a smile, “we have been doing this a bit backwards so far. Maybe we should start with something simple? Something mundane.”

“Are you on track to graduate?” Joe asked, feeling a little lame.

“I am,” Nicky said. “Are you?” 

“Technically yes, but that’s only because I’ve planned to take five years to graduate since I got here. Fencing takes a lot of my time and I didn’t want to overextend myself. So one more year for me.” Joe shrugged, and Nicky finally set his beer aside. Whether it was because the bottle was empty or he just couldn’t drink anymore, Joe didn’t really care. All that mattered was that his hands were no longer occupied. 

“That’s smart,” Nicky said.

“Or lazy.” Joe said. He finally reached out to Nicky’s hand where it was resting on the table and laced their fingers together.

“I don’t think anyone could mistake you for being lazy, Joe.”

“Don’t you remember this morning when I slept until well past eleven?” 

“We were up late,” Nicky said, staring at Joe’s hand in his own.

All Joe could think about was how good Nicky looked. His hair was falling into his eyes, and his lips were still damp from sipping beer. Joe couldn’t take it anymore, and he leaned in and captured Nicky’s lips against his own, slotting his hand firmly on the back of Nicky’s neck. 

The kiss lasted only a few seconds, but it was anything but chaste. Open mouthed, and harsh at first. But it softened and Joe felt Nicky’s tongue against his briefly. He captured Nicky’s bottom lip between his teeth for a moment, and then as quickly as it began, it was over, and they breathed deeply in unison.

“Sorry,” Joe said as he pulled back from Nicky, not really feeling sorry.

“You apologize too much.” Nicky said, and he leaned in to give Joe another quick kiss.

Joe wiped the corner of his mouth as Nicky sat back in his chair.

“So, any plans after you graduate?” Joe laughed, pushing through his desire to chase Nicky’s mouth again.

“I’m staying here for grad school.” Nicky said, stroking his thumb over the back of Joe’s hand. The touch sent a shiver up Joe’s arm.

“So we’ll both still be here next year.” Joe said, smiling at Nicky.

“Yes.”

“And I’ll be dating a hot grad student.”

Nicky’s eyes widened a little, and Joe reran that last sentence through his mind.

_Shit._

Joe hadn’t meant to imply he was planning on still being with Nicky the next year. The thought had crossed his mind, but he hadn’t meant to imply it just yet. Luckily Nicky put him out of his misery.

“I hope so,” Nicky said, “and I would be with a star fencer?”

“Ex-fencer,” Joe said. “You can only do four years of college-level fencing, and I didn’t take a redshirt year.”

Nicky’s eyes narrowed like he was trying to work something out.

“Didn’t you say the end of the season was coming soon?” Nicky asked.

“Championship is four weeks from today.” Joe nodded, and felt a familiar knot form in his stomach.

“Does that-” Nicky stroked the back of Joe’s hand with his thumb again. “Are you ready for it to be over?”

“Not at all,” Joe admitted, which was the absolute truth, and continued, “I mean, I’ll still fence. There’s competitions in divisions up to 65 and older. It won’t be the same, though. Some middle aged men play basketball every Tuesday night, I’ll fence.” Joe shrugged.

It wasn’t something he liked to think about, and in truth, it scared him. So much of his identity had been wrapped up in fencing for so long that he wasn’t sure who he would be after it wasn’t taking up so much of his time and energy.

“We can change the subject if you want,” Nicky said. His eyes were kind, but Joe didn’t feel pitied.

“No, it’s-” Joe started. He looked away from Nicky, not wanting to get worked up about something as trivial as fencing. His gaze passed over the bar and he did a double take when he saw Andy and Quynh standing there.

  
  


**An Interlude**

| My Heart |

Saturday 2:24 PM  
_I’m going with or without you  
__At least if you come you can keep me in check._

_You don’t need to worry about him._

_I’m not_

_Joe can take care of himself.  
_ _So can Nicky._

_We don’t have to bother them  
_ _I swear they won’t even know we’re there_

_Joe won’t like you showing up and you know it_

_I don’t care_

_He’s not a child, Quynh._

_I know  
_ _I just need to know he’s ok_

_Fine  
_ _One drink._

_Thank you_

**Nicky**

Nicky seemed to be developing a habit of making Joe open up about things he obviously would rather not talk about. The worst part -or maybe the best part, Nicky wasn’t sure- was that Joe kept letting him.

First at the ballet with Joe's panic attack and messy break up, and now reminding him that something Nicky could tell Joe truly loved was about to end. Both times Joe had just opened up to Nicky, and he wasn’t used to that. 

It felt nice to have Joe trust him with such personal things so quickly, but he didn’t want to push. He’d never really been the confidant type. Even Nile wasn’t as open with him as he knew she was with her other friends, even Andy. 

That friendship had always been a mystery to Nicky. They’d known each other longer than she and Nicky had, but they hardly ever seemed to hang out for fun. When there was a crisis Nile turned to Andy.

Nicky supposed it was because people thought he was shy -which he wasn’t- or quiet -which was a bit more accurate-, though Nicky preferred to think of himself as being deliberate with his words.

He let his guard down too much with Joe, talked before thinking, and now here they were, with Joe looking into the distance as he struggled for an answer.

Nicky was about to speak again when he noticed Joe’s expression change.

Joe’s eyes focused over Nicky’s shoulder, and his face shifted from worried to a forced smile in an instant.

“I am going to kill her,” Joe said to Nicky through the gritted teeth of his smile before raising his voice to add, “Quynh, what a surprise.”

Nicky followed Joe’s gaze to find Quynh and Andy walking up to their table, Quynh’s arm around Andy’s waist. Andy was concentrating on holding three beers.

“Joe!” Quynh said as she threw her arms around him when he stood up. He stiffened at the hug and didn’t reciprocate. 

“Hi Andy,” Nicky said. He reached over the table and grabbed one of the bottles out of her hands.

“Thanks, Nicky,” Andy said.

Nicky held the bottle out for her to take back once her hands were free.

“It’s yours,” Andy said. She pushed one beer toward where Quynh was standing with Joe. Joe stood with his arms crossed as Quynh talked quietly with him, she was shaking her head.

Joe shot Nicky an apologetic look, “sorry, we’ll be right back.”

“It’s alright,” Nicky said.

Joe walked a little further from the table with Quynh.

“Is she alright?” Nicky asked, watching them walk away.

“She’s just worried about him,” Andy said.

“Is he alright?” 

“Yes,” Andy said like it was a statement not an opinion. “Him and Quynh were put through the ringer a few months back, is all.”

“Does this have anything to do with the dreaded ex?” Nicky asked, pretty sure he already knew the answer.

“Ah, you’re familiar?” Andy said.

“It came up,” Nicky said. He looked down at his hands and picked at a fingernail.

“It was bad,” Andy stated, but Nicky didn’t want to go down that path just yet.

“You don’t have to tell me anything Andy, besides I’d rather hear it from Joe.” Nicky said. As curious and a little worried as he was, it was Joe’s story to tell him. He could wait.

“I don’t need to be worried though, do I?” Nicky asked after a moment.

“No,” Andy said resolutely. She shook her head and added with a sardonic laugh, “well, you might need to be scared of Quynh if you hurt Joe, but no, you don’t need to be worried.”

Nicky looked back at Joe and Quynh, they were just out of earshot. Quynh had her back to him, and as Joe caught Nicky’s eye, he winked at him. Quynh didn’t seem to notice or care that Joe’s attention wasn’t on her, because she kept talking.

“You know she showed up at Joe’s place this morning.”

Andy shook her head again and huffed out a small laugh, “I heard something about that.”

“And now tonight.” Nicky said, almost like it was a question, but he wasn’t sure what he was asking.

“I promise it won’t become a habit.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Nicky didn’t know what he meant, but it wasn’t that he thought Quynh was overstepping. He had only ever seen Quynh be cheerful and high energy. Seeing her act how she was acting then worried Nicky. 

Andy took a drink of her beer. Joe was talking now, and Nicky could tell that he wanted to raise his voice at her from his body language. 

“I know I just said not to tell me anything but-” Nicky started, “you’re sure I don’t need to be worried?”

“Extremely sure,” Andy said, “Joe’s ex was a real asshole, and Quynh feels responsible for not stepping in sooner.”

“Is she responsible?” 

“No,” Andy said, “none of us are. He hid it well.”

Nicky nodded to himself.

“Drink. It’s a peace offering,” Andy said, motioning toward the beer that Nicky still hadn’t touched.

Nicky took a sip, it was still a nasty beer, but now it was something to do rather than stress, so he didn’t mind as much.

“Thank you, but I don’t need a peace offering, Andy,” Nicky said.

“You might not, but he does,” Andy said, and she pointed to Joe with a tilt of her chin.

Nicky looked back over to Joe, as him and Quynh were coming back to the table. Joe mumbled something that sounded like _whatever_ , _it’s fine,_ and sat next to Nicky.

“So, how’s the second date going?” Quynh asked. Her grin didn’t betray the serious conversation she had been having with Joe only moments ago.

“Lovely.” Nicky said, putting his arm around Joe’s shoulders. He hoped it would help ground himself, or ground Joe, or maybe both of them.

Quynh picked up her beer and took a long drink, draining half the bottle.

“What about you two? Have any plans tonight?” Joe asked. His tone sounded less like his own and more like Nicky’s calm and direct way of speaking.

“We were going to have a quiet night in,” Andy said, and gave Quynh a pointed look.

“Yeah, yeah, we’re just having one drink,” Quynh said, and she took another long drink of her beer. How she was able to down the stuff so fast, Nicky had no idea. He hadn’t even finished his first beer and now he had a second one.

“One beer? A first for you, Quynh,” Joe said, relaxing into Nicky’s side.

“Yeah well, someone told me to leave them alone so I’m trying to make a quick exit,” Quynh said. Her voice still sounded mostly pleasant but Nicky didn’t miss the pointed bite behind her words.

Nicky held his breath, and for a moment he actually thought Joe was going to push back, but instead he focused his attention on Andy.

Andy appeared perfectly happy to shift the conversation away from whatever was going on between Joe and Quynh, and she enthusiastically laughed at a joke Joe made. Quynh looked as lost in thought as Nicky was. He didn’t want to push for too much too soon. But if Quynh was that worried, Nicky might have to at least try to get Joe to talk about whatever had happened with his ex.

At one point Andy and Joe switched to what Nicky was pretty sure was Arabic. Andy was studying Linguistics so that didn’t surprise him. He didn’t know Joe spoke Arabic, though he wasn’t that surprised by that either. Nicky already had built Joe up into something of a renaissance man in his mind. So what was adding him being bilingual to the mix?

Joe laughed at something Andy said, and they switched back to English.

Nicky was suddenly struck with the desire to learn Arabic, and he was slightly jealous at whatever private joke Joe and Andy were sharing. Maybe he could teach Joe Italian in exchange for Arabic?

Andy and Joe had a rapport he had never seen Andy have with anyone. Andy had hardly opened up at all whenever Nicky hung out with her in the past. Not even with Nile. Andy and Nile were more the late night discussions that ended with one of them upset or crying type of friends. 

With Joe, Andy laughed and joked. He seemed to have that effect on everyone. Even Quynh started to soften back to the Quynh Nicky was familiar with after a few minutes.

Not long after, Joe’s hand found its way to Nicky’s leg under the table. Joe kept talking easily with Andy and Quynh, but Nicky wasn’t able to concentrate on the conversation as Joe’s hand was slowly moving up his thigh. All the while Joe was recounting some animated anecdote about a fencing match while Quynh interjected to correct him.

Nicky gripped Joe’s shoulder, and spread his legs ever so slightly.

He took a sip of beer to keep himself from moaning. Suddenly, Joe’s hand found its mark and Nicky coughed in surprise. Joe’s hand retreated immediately back to Nicky’s thigh and he turned to Nicky.

“Are you ok?” Joe asked. There was a glint of daring in Joe’s eyes that Nicky was pretty sure he loved.

“Yes. I just forgot how bad the beer is,” Nicky said, and raised an eyebrow at Joe. 

Andy and Quynh laughed, and Quynh started talking about a new bar on the other side of campus which had great drinks that they all simply _had_ to go try.

Joe was bold, Nicky would have never had the courage to do that, and he liked it.

“Sorry,” Joe said after a minute.

“Don’t be” Nicky replied. He could tell Joe felt like he’d crossed a line, but Nicky was just mad he’d scared Joe off. Especially when he felt the need to shift in his seat due to the steadily growing hardness in his pants.

Andy and Quynh ended up staying for another round, this one being shots, which Nicky enjoyed more than the beer. It tasted like he was drinking paint thinner but at least it was over in a few seconds.

A little over an hour after Quynh and Andy had arrived, Andy finally dragged her girlfriend out of the Safe House, shooting Joe and Nicky apologetic looks.

Nicky and Joe stayed in their corner, talking. He kept his arm around Joe, their heads bent together. Joe played with Nicky’s other hand on the table while they talked. 

Nicky thought they probably looked like they’d been together forever to an outsider. Not that anyone would pay attention to them, there was more than one couple in the room, and at least they weren’t fully making out like the one in the corner farthest from them. But Nicky wouldn’t have been mad if they were.

Joe talked about his family. He said they lived a few hours away, and that his sisters were both still in highschool. His mother was an artist too, and she ran an antique shop. His father was an engineer. 

Nicky talked about his home. He missed the ocean, and the food most of all. He decidedly didn’t talk about his family, and Joe didn’t push, which made Nicky second guess his decision to try and ask Joe what had happened with his ex. He supposed the right moment would present itself and Nicky would just have to take it and hope for the best.

The conversation flowed just as easily as it did the previous night. Even when it stalled at points, it never felt awkward.

Nicky began to feel tired, and Joe must have noticed because he suggested they leave barely a minute after Nicky felt his eyelids grow heavy.

“Quynh,” Nicky started as they left the Safe House, “she seems worried about you.”

Nicky turned toward his apartment. They had both hinted at Joe coming over, and Joe didn’t seem to mind following Nicky off into the night.

Joe sighed and said, “she’s fine. She did this with James too, I just didn’t care as much with him.” 

James. Was that the name of Joe’s ex? 

“So you care about me?”

“I don’t want to scare you away but, yeah, a lot more.”

“A lot? Wow,” Nicky teased. “Then again, you did let slip that you wanted to date a grad student, do you think you can lower yourself to my level for the next three months?”

Joe laughed. “A worthy sacrifice.”

Joe grabbed Nicky’s hand as the conversation lulled. They walked in silence for a minute, before Nicky got the courage up to ask. 

“So, James? Is he-?” Nicky started. As much as he didn’t want to push Joe, Quynh’s showing up twice now was putting him on edge.

“James? Ha! No. He was the last disaster of a set up from Booker. He lasted for two exceptionally boring dates, before I shut that down,” Joe said. He must have caught Nicky’s meaning though because he added, “no, the asshole ex is Keane.”

_Keane?_

Not the most common name in the world, but surely it couldn’t be the same guy.

“His name is Keane?” Nicky asked, trying his hardest not to sound surprised. “Does he go here?”

“Yeah he does, but I haven’t run into him since the dust settled, thank god. He’s a history major, and lives in the apartment we used to share off campus. He wouldn’t have any reason to be around the art buildings. Our lives don’t really crossover much anymore.”

History major? Well, that settled it. Nicky sighed, which Joe obviously noticed, as he slowed his pace.

“What’s wrong?” Joe aked.

“Keane. Is he tall, short hair, very intense?” Nicky asked in response.

“Yeah,” Joe said, and he stopped walking altogether. “Why?”

Nicky wanted to ignore it. To forget what he had just learned. Suddenly a number of things in his life were very complicated, and he didn’t want to ruin the night- and potentially other things.

“Nicky?” Joe asked.

It wasn’t fair to keep this from Joe though, so he just let the words fall out.

“He’s one of my students.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlie’s bar The Safe House… Charlie Safe House…. Eh? Eh? I’ll see myself out. 
> 
> Can I just say what a joy it is to have a character like Keane in a fandom? I have never had such a universally hated character to play with. I barely mentioned him last chapter and you all were like “ugh fuck him! He’s the worst. Can Nicky punch him? Can Joe punch him? Can Nicky AND Joe punch him?” It was just really funny and satisfying to watch you all react, both here and on tumblr. Lol. anyway.
> 
> This chapter gave me so much writer's block??? And like- [[This](https://scimitar-and-longsword.tumblr.com/post/627274469887574016/hear-me-out-joe-starts-going-by-joe-jonas-so)] happened while I was writing the Joe section of this chapter. So it is essentially a miracle (named Isa) that any of this is at all coherent.


	7. The Past Can Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicky sat there staring at Joe. He wasn’t sure he was really processing everything Joe was telling him. He felt a strong urge to hunt Keane down and beat the shit out of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:  
> Just wanted to draw your attention to this tag:  
> -discussions of past toxic/emotionally abusive relationships-  
> I know we’ve been pretty fluffy up until this point and I don’t want to catch anyone off guard if you forgot that was in the tags <3  
> If you’d rather not read this part, or you’re unsure if it’s for you, I’ve made a list in the end notes of what is discussed.  
> I do not believe it is gratuitous in any way, but it is someone talking about a pretty awful part of their life, so yeah… Just wanna take care of all you lovelies out there <3  
> If you do feel the need to skip the conversation, the interlude at the end is safe.
> 
> My tumblr is [scimitar-and-longsword,](https://scimitar-and-longsword.tumblr.com/) if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3
> 
> Beta read by [Isa](https://yogurtfordinner.tumblr.com/)  
> 

**Nicky**

Nicky walked into his apartment, Joe at his heels.

“Nice place,” Joe said as he passed Nicky and walked deeper into the apartment. His voice was low and flat.

“It belongs to my parents,” Nicky said as he closed the door.

Nicky's parents had gotten the apartment ten years before to use when they had business in the States, which worked out nicely for Nicky when he decided to attend Old Guard College. Still, it felt like the space wasn’t really his.

Joe was already standing in the middle of the main room when Nicky turned around. He was slowly spinning on the spot, taking in the large and sparsely decorated room.

“I’m pretty sure this room is bigger than my whole apartment,” Joe said. He shoved his hands in his pockets and added, “it’s empty.”

“I don’t really use most of the apartment. My room, at least, looks a little less like a museum,” Nicky said as he took off his shoes. 

Nicky crossed the room to stand next to Joe, but stopped a foot behind him. He wanted to reach out and touch him, to pull Joe into a tight hug, but Joe was radiating nervous energy and Nicky didn’t want to overstep.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go home?” Nicky asked, and he noticed Joe’s shoulders tense up slightly.

Joe had already assured Nicky that learning Keane was one of Nicky’s students was fine, if not a bit shocking. But then again, he had hardly talked the whole way to Nicky’s apartment, and he was starting to worry -well, worry more- about what exactly had happened between Joe and his ex.

“No.” Joe replied, just like he had the last two times Nicky had asked. He let out a small laugh and quietly added, “if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to get rid of me.”

“What? No-” Nicky paused, trying to find the right words. “I just don’t want to push you.”

“What do you think of him?” Joe asked, finally turning to face Nicky.

That was not what Nicky had expected Joe to say.

“Well, he is not my favorite student,” Nicky said truthfully. “He’s rather combative, and has a habit of playing devil's advocate. I get the sense he likes to stir up trouble.”

Joe huffed out a small laugh.

”Yeah, well-” Joe’s voice trailed off. He walked over to a couch that Nicky was pretty sure hadn’t been used in months and sank down onto it. He leaned back and let his head fall onto the back of the couch with a sigh.

Nicky followed and sat next to Joe, leaving a small buffer of space between them. He still felt so unsure how to proceed, he didn’t want to overstep. Especially when they had only known each other for a day, even if it already felt like much longer.

Nicky leaned forward, elbows propped on his knees, and tried to figure out how to go on, but Joe spoke again before Nicky’s thoughts could spiral.

“You’re not the only person who’s gotten that impression of him.” Joe spoke slowly, his words were measured and deliberate. It reminded Nicky of the way he himself normally talked. “The longer it’s been since it ended, the more blind I feel for ever having seen anything else in him.” 

Joe sighed and pulled his legs up onto the couch to sit cross-legged, his knee touching Nicky’s. That was enough of a sign for Nicky that touch was alright, so he placed a hand on Joe’s knee before sliding it down to rest on his shin.

“You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to,” Nicky said, glancing at Joe beside him. His eyes looked vacant, but he blinked and made eye contact with Nicky, eyes softening slightly before answering.

“No, I want to. It’s just hard to know what to say,” Joe said. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Why is Quynh so mad?” Nicky asked. He hoped that having a place to start would help Joe figure out what he wanted to say, and Quynh’s odd behavior was the freshest thing in Nicky’s mind.

“She’s not mad, she’s scared history might repeat itself,” Joe said, and sighed again. “I freaked her out this morning.”

“How?”

“I didn’t text her back,” Joe said with another small laugh.

“That hardly feels like a reason to get upset,” Nicky said.

“It’s the implication. I- uh. Fuck.This is hard to talk about.” Joe took a deep breath, reached out and grabbed Nicky’s hand. “Keane used to take my phone sometimes. He didn’t like Quynh, and he’d get mad at me for hanging out with her outside of practice. He had a lot of jealousy issues.

It really drove a wedge between us- Quynh and I. She would get mad at me for ignoring her. I’d lie, say I forgot to respond or that I was busy or didn’t see her messages. Eventually she just started to accept that I was _one of those people_ who gets caught up in a relationship and ignores everybody else.”

Nicky didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t feel like it was his place to say anything. He knew could at least be a sounding board if that’s what Joe needed. However, there was a growing feeling of hatred for Keane in his gut and Nicky felt queasy.

“It didn’t start out like that. I mean, he was always intense, but he doted on me at first. He like bought me a ton of shit, and told me constantly how much he loved me. If I’m honest with myself though, things went south pretty quickly.”

Joe stopped talking abruptly, almost like he had forgotten Nicky was there. He already looked upset, but Nicky felt like he had stopped on the edge of wanting to say something else. Joe shifted a little, and took a shaky breath.

“Did he hurt you?” Nicky forced himself to ask, even though he was scared of what Joe might say. Joe sighed and shook his head.

“Physically? No,” Joe said. He tilted his head towards the ceiling and closed his eyes. “I think it was heading that way, though. Near the end he punched a hole in the wall of our apartment, inches from my head while he held me against it. He had started throwing things at me. But uh- just because he hadn’t actually done anything yet didn’t stop him from-”

Joe cut off his sentence and took a deep breath, and blinked rapidly. Nicky could see tears forming in his eyes.

“He broke me down in a lot of ways. Made me feel like shit. At the end, for like the last two or three months, I don’t think a day went by where he didn’t yell at me. The stupidest shit would set him off. If I was late getting back from practice, or made too much noise while he was studying- I spent a lot of time apologizing to him. I was constantly scared of setting him off.”

Joe made a noise that could have been a laugh or a sob, Nicky guessed it was a little of both.

“The worst part for me isn’t what he did though, it’s that I let him. It’s embarrassing. I think back and I want to just scream at myself to wake up and leave. I’m not sure why it took me so long.

I’m mad the thing that actually made me get out was him cheating. Not any of the other shit he had been pulling for months. Honestly if it hadn't been so public I don’t know if I would have left. Or even if I had, I would have caved and gone back. Which makes no sense. I feel crazy when I think about him, about what I let happen. I loved him, at least I did at one point.”

Joe trailed off and let go of Nicky’s hand. He covered his face with both hands and leaned his head back with a heavy sigh.

Nicky sat there staring at Joe. He wasn’t sure he was really processing everything Joe was telling him. He felt a strong urge to hunt Keane down and beat the shit out of him. But he pushed that feeling down, it wasn’t helpful right now, not when Joe was in front of him, clearly in pain.

“I- ” Nicky started. He had no idea what to say, all he wanted to do was make Joe feel better, all the while knowing that wasn’t something he could do. Especially not right then and there.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Joe said, taking his hands away from his face and gave Nicky a weak smile. 

“It’s in the past,” Joe said, “I’m working on it. My mother and Quynh have been forcing me to talk to someone, which has helped.”

“What-” Nicky started. Nicky’s mind felt like it was struggling through molasses, and he was having trouble not slipping into Italian. “What do you need from me?”

Joe breathed in deep and looked at the ceiling again, like he was turning over Nicky’s words in his mind.

“I don’t-” Joe raised his eyebrows in what looked like an attempt to keep himself from crying, “I think I just want to go to sleep.”

Nicky nodded, and got up. He offered Joe his hand and helped him stand up.

Nicky stared into Joe’s eyes, their faces inches apart. Nicky brought his hands up to the sides of Joe’s face, hovering for a moment, and when Joe didn’t flinch or pull away he placed them on either side of Joe’s head.

His brain still felt like it was moving in slow motion, but he knew he needed to say something. If only just to let Joe know that nothing had changed, that he didn’t judge Joe for what had been done to him.

“I know that nothing I say matters, and I’m sure other people have already told you this, but I don’t think you have anything to be embarrassed about, Joe,” Nicky said.

Joe blinked at him for a moment and then pulled Nicky into a tight hug, and collapsed into his chest. All at once Joe was crying against him, breathing heavily. Nicky stood there, stunned for a moment before he wrapped his arms tightly around Joe’s head and shoulders. Nicky could feel his shirt getting wet from Joe’s tears. 

They stayed like that for a while. Eventually Joe’s breathing slowed and he pulled out of the hug and rubbed tears out his eyes.

“Sorry,” Joe said. 

Nicky’s heart ached. Joe had just finished telling him how he had spent months, maybe years, feeling he had to apologize for everything, and Nicky had made jokes about Joe apologizing too much. He knew he had no way of knowing at the time, but he still felt like a dick.

“You don’t need to apologize for anything,” Nicky said softly. “You said you were tired right? Come on.”

Nicky led Joe into his bedroom, and dug out a pair of pajama bottoms for Joe to wear. He heard Joe laugh behind him, and turned around to find him looking at the pile of Joe’s own folded clothes on the bed. Nicky had completely forgotten about them.

“Did you wash these?” Joe asked, sounding amused.

“Yes,” Nicky said. He held out the pants for Joe to take, “I assume you don’t normally sleep naked.”

“No.” Joe said. His breath stuttered awkwardly, still coming down from crying, as he took the pants and started getting undressed.

Nicky felt his cheeks go hot and he turned around, under the guise of finding something to wear to bed.

“I’ll uh- There’s another bed, so I can sleep there if you’d like to be alone.”

“That is the exact opposite of what I want right now,” Joe said.

Nicky turned around, slightly surprised. Joe was already dressed, shirtless and in Nicky’s pants.

“Are you sure?” Nicky asked. He stripped, grabbed Joe’s sweats off the bed and pulled them on.

“Yeah.” Joe looked down at the ground with a smirk. Making Joe smile had been the goal of the sweats move, Nicky was glad it hadn’t backfired.

“Okay,” Nicky said, because he didn’t know what else to say, and he turned off the light.

Nicky got into bed and scooted as close to the wall as he could, trying to give Joe whatever room he needed. He sat up a bit and leaned against the headboard, expecting Joe to get in and lie down next to him. Nicky thought maybe he’d get up the courage to spoon Joe, if only because that felt like a way to comfort him.

Instead, Joe stared at Nicky in bed for a moment, he bit his lip and made a face like he was deep in thought. His eyebrows furrowed, and all at once Joe got in bed and curled into Nicky’s side, his head on Nicky’s stomach with an arm draped over Nicky’s hips.

“Is this okay?” Joe asked without looking up. Joe’s breath caught again, and Nicky placed a hand on his arm.

“Yeah.” Nicky said, “more than okay.”

Nicky was a little surprised, as he was still halfway sitting up, but Joe felt so vulnerable curled around him that he couldn’t bring himself to move. He wrapped one arm around Joe’s shoulders and Joe snuggled into him in response.

“Good night.” Nicky said.

Joe hummed into his stomach and said something that sounded like “night.”

It took a long time for Joe to fall asleep. Nicky was acutely aware of every time Joe sighed or slightly readjusted his body. He didn’t speak, and neither did Nicky. Nicky suspected Joe just needed to feel safe more than anything. Nicky didn’t know why or how Joe felt safe with him so quickly, but he wasn’t going to question it.

After an hour or so Nicky brought his hand up to stroke Joe’s head, which seemed to settle him a little, and eventually Joe did fall asleep, his breathing evening out and his arm relaxing across Nicky’s body. 

Without Joe to focus on, Nicky’s mind began to race. He didn’t know what to do, or even if he should do anything. 

Nicky felt extremely protective of Joe already. Don’t get him wrong, he would be upset to hear about what Keane did no matter who it’d happened to, but imagining Joe in the middle of that made him furious. He wouldn’t presume to do anything about it, not this early in their relationship at least, and probably not ever. It wasn’t his place. But he also knew that no matter what happened with Joe he wouldn’t be able to keep having Keane in his class. Nicky was not a violent person, but right then he wasn’t entirely positive he wouldn’t punch Keane next time he saw him.

The hours passed slowly, and Joe seemed to be sleeping well. At least Nicky was pretty sure he was sleeping well, he didn’t really have anything to compare it to, he’d fallen asleep before Joe the night before.

Every time Joe shifted in his sleep Nicky worried for a moment that he may be having a nightmare, but each time Joe settled and Nicky went back to turning things over in his head. As the night wore on the ball of anger in his gut slowly transformed into worry and something else Nicky couldn’t put his finger on. 

Nicky kept stroking Joe’s hair for a long time. He didn’t think he’d be getting any sleep that night.

**An Interlude**

****From: nicolodigenova@ogc.edu  
To: alyssawakefield@ogc.edu  
Date: Mar 3, 2019, 4:27 AM  
Subject: switching time slots?

Professor Wakefield,

I apologize for sending this to you at such an odd hour, and on a Sunday no less, but I need to speak to you about something as soon as possible. Preferably before Monday morning’s lecture.

A personal matter has come to my attention and I don’t think I can continue facilitating one of the students assigned to me in good conscience . Perhaps I could switch time slots with someone else? I know Jordan was saying she was having trouble getting to hers on time, if my time works better for her we could switch, if it’s alright with you.

Open to any other solutions you might have.

Thank you,  
Nicolò di Genova  
 _Sent from my iPhone_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW notes:  
> -Nicky POV, so we aren’t in Joe’s head. No flashbacks.  
> -Keane was extremely controlling and emotionally abusive.  
> -Keane would take Joe’s phone and not let him talk to people. Cut him off from his friends.  
> -Joe mentions Keane being jealous.  
> -Keane would get mad and yell at Joe a lot.  
> -Keane punched a hole in a wall next to Joe’s head.  
> -Keane threw stuff at Joe on multiple occasions, but Joe doesn’t say what.  
> -Joe says Keane never hit him, but indicates he had come close and that he thinks it would have gone there if he hadn’t got out when he did.  
> -Joe mentions going to therapy.  
> -Nicky spends the whole time mostly unsure what to do.  
> -Joe breaks down a bit and cries, and him and Nicky go to bed, nothing sexual happens.
> 
> \---------------------------------------
> 
> Whew we did it friends! Everyone ok?  
> The title of this chapter is a quote from the Lion King…. So maybe that helps soften the heavy talk?
> 
> Can we get back to fluff-itics?  
> [*James Madison at the beginning the election of 1800 voice*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WrfPvuNUBg8) Please!?!  
> Yo.


	8. The Plunge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve never had someone draw me,” Nicky said, because it was true and he didn’t know what else to say.
> 
> “Well, get used to it. Quynh will be glad I’ve found someone else to bother,” Joe said, struggling to get up and not drop his towel. “I should probably get dressed.”
> 
> “Probably,” Nicky chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [scimitar-and-longsword,](https://scimitar-and-longsword.tumblr.com/) if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3
> 
> Beta read by [Isa](https://yogurtfordinner.tumblr.com/)

**An Interlude**

| Andy Scythian |

 _Sunday 5:23 AM  
_ _What’s Quynh’s number?_

 _Sunday 8:31 AM  
_ _???  
_ _Do you not already have it?_

_No_

_Alright…  
_ _202-555-0196_

_Thanks_

_And you couldn’t get it from Joe because???_

_He’s asleep_

_You are so strange._

_You're just figuring this out?_

| Quynh Ngo |

_Sunday 8:33 AM  
_ _I’m not the best at social media…  
_ _So I thought it’d be better if you had my number._

_Sunday 8:42 AM  
_ _Oh, this is Nicky._

**Joe**

For the second day in a row, Joe awoke alone when he hadn’t gone to sleep that way. That morning however, unlike the previous one, he wasn’t disoriented at all. He knew exactly whose bed he was in, and who he could hear moving around in the kitchen.

Joe sat up in Nicky’s bed and rubbed sleep from his eyes, which still felt raw and puffy. He ran a hand through his hair, and remembered falling asleep with Nicky’s fingers in his curls.

Joe also remembered crying and practically throwing himself at Nicky.

He had needed the comfort, and he’d slept like a rock, but in the light of day he felt a little pathetic. His cheeks felt hot, but he shook his head trying to clear the embarrassment that was threatening to overtake him.

_I don’t think you have anything to be embarrassed about, Joe._

Joe sighed, remembering Nicky’s words from the night before. He hugged his legs to his chest and pressed his face down into his knees.

“You’re up.”

Joe snapped his head up to find Nicky standing in the open bedroom door.

“I made breakfast,” Nicky said, leaning on the door frame, arms crossed.

Nicky was still wearing Joe’s pants. Even though Joe felt like he had an emotional hangover, he couldn’t help but take Nicky in for a moment before answering.

“Smells good,” Joe said, surprised when his voice cracked with sleep.

“It’s amazing what can be done with a fully stocked kitchen,” Nicky said. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly into a small smile that made Joe’s chest ache with affection. 

“Ha-ha,” Joe said as he got out of bed, rubbing his eyes again. 

Nicky gestured for Joe to walk through the door before him, “after you.”

Joe didn’t necessarily expect Nicky to touch him as he walked through the door, but when Nicky didn’t Joe could tell something was off. Until last night they had touched each other every chance they got, but Joe tried not to think about it too much. He knew Nicky would need time to process everything Joe had told him.

The breakfast Nicky had cooked looked nothing short of delicious. Some sort of diced potato dish with a mix of vegetables and peppers, and a plate of what Joe was pretty sure were homemade biscuits.

“How long have you been up?” Joe asked as he sat down at an already laid out place setting.

Nicky sat next to Joe and laughed.

“I uh- a while,” Nicky replied quietly.

Joe looked at Nicky, now noticing the slight dark circles under his eyes.

“Did you sleep at all?” Joe asked.

“No,” Nicky said, taking a bite of the potato dish.

“What? Oh Nicky, you could have like, I don’t know, shoved me off of you.”

“That wasn’t- I just couldn’t sleep,” Nicky said, his small smile returning, cheeks flushing. “I liked having you in my arms.”

Joe grinned. He took a bite of Nicky’s cooking, and as expected it was amazing. Joe moaned dramatically, and the pink on Nicky’s cheeks deepened. 

They ate in silence for a few minutes after that. Joe stared at Nicky, Nicky stared at his food.

Maybe Joe was imagining things, but something was off. Then again, he had only known Nicky for two days, so maybe this was just how he was. Joe knew that was bullshit as soon as he thought it though. The only thing that had changed was that Nicky now knew about Joe’s history with Keane. Not to mention Nicky’s connection to him. 

He couldn’t blame Nicky for being cautious with him. Most people Joe told about what had happened were cautious. It was frustrating even if Joe knew their hearts were in the right place. He didn’t want that with Nicky though, not if whatever was happening was just a misplaced attempt at giving Joe space he didn’t want.

When he couldn’t take the awkward silence anymore Joe asked, “do you live here alone?”

“It’s my parent’s place -well, one of their places- and no, I don’t have any roommates,” Nicky answered.

“I vaguely remember you mentioning that last night. Does that mean I might meet them one morning?” Joe asked. 

Mostly Joe wanted to make a joke about spending the night again, but Nicky’s jaw clenched.

“No,” Nicky laughed and gave Joe a small smile that was nothing like the one Joe loved. It didn’t reach his eyes. “Sorry to be blunt- but no. They haven’t been here for the last few years. I really don’t think they’ll surprise us.”

_Alright, touchy subject._

Joe had gotten the sense that Nicky wasn’t particularly close with his family before that moment, but now he was fairly certain there was something more complicated -and probably painful- there, so Joe didn’t press further and decided to steer the conversation in another direction.

When they finished eating Nicky cleared the table and Joe had to physically put himself between Nicky and the sink to stop him from doing the dishes. He saw Nicky’s hand twitch, like he wanted to grab him, to make a move for the sink, but he didn’t. Joe was sure Nicky was stopping himself from touching him.

Joe washed the dishes while Nicky hovered awkwardly behind him.

“So can I cash in my promise of a shower?” Joe asked once he was done.

“What?” Nicky asked. He genuinely looked like he had no idea what Joe was talking about.

“Yesterday, you uh- promised we could shower together next time,” Joe said, hating that he consistently tripped over his words with Nicky. 

The tops of Nicky’s ears went red, he smiled and looked down at his hands. But then he turned his back to Joe and placed his hands to the counter, even though there was nothing there for him to do. Maybe Joe was really misreading this, he didn’t want to pressure Nicky.

“We don’t have to. Sorry,” Joe said.

“No, I- I wasn’t sure if you’d want to, after-” Nicky said, more to the counter than to Joe.

There it was. Joe knew he wasn’t imagining things. He sighed and looked up at the ceiling.

“I appreciate it, Nicky, I do, but please-” Joe paused. _Set clear expectations,_ he could practically hear his therapist's voice in his head. “Please don’t treat me differently now. It’s not fun to think about what happened, but it’s worse when people tip toe around me. I’m not made of glass, I won’t shatter if you touch me.”

“Alright,” Nicky said almost immediately, and he turned back around.

“Alright?” Joe asked.

“I thought you needed space. If you tell me you don’t, then I don’t have any reason not to blow you in the shower.”

Joe felt his jaw drop open, and all words leaving his brain. Nicky’s hands were on him a second later and he didn’t really care to try and respond because Nicky was steering Joe backwards toward the bathroom, their lips locked together.

Joe was slowly learning things about Nicky. He was pretty sure Nicky would be able to write a short biography of Joe’s life by now, but Nicky was tougher to crack.

Each conversation they had revealed some small bit of information about Nicky that Joe would add to a list in the back of his mind. Nicky had two younger brothers. He was raised Catholic and despite studying religion didn’t practice anymore. He’d once been heavily into archery, but had stopped two years prior. He wasn’t close with his parents.

Joe got the idea that Nicky didn’t open up to a lot of people, so each item on the list was precious to Joe, and slowly painted a more complete picture of Nicky. 

That morning Joe added another thing to the list. Nicky gave fucking amazing head. 

**Nicky**

“I have a paper I absolutely need to write if I plan on sleeping at all tonight,” Nicky called out from the bathroom.

“Do you need me to leave?” Joe’s voice called from the bedroom. “I do seem to recall you telling me I’m distracting on more than one occasion.”

Nicky exited the bathroom to find Joe laying on his back on Nicky’s bed,arms tucked behind his head, eyes closed, towel wrapped around his waist. 

“No,” Nicky said, perhaps a bit too loudly. 

Joe propped himself up on his elbows to stare at Nicky with his deep brown eyes and Nicky blinked, trying not to drown in them.

“I mean- you can leave if you want, I won’t be very entertaining for the next few hours.”

“I don’t need to be entertained,” Joe grinned. He flopped back down on the bed, eyes closed and arms behind his head once more. “Your bed is bigger than mine anyway.”

Nicky chuckled.

Nicky got dressed, and was seated at his desk, opening his laptop before Joe spoke again.

“I know you said you didn’t sleep last night,” Joe said quietly, eyes still closed, “will you hate me if I fall asleep?”

“I don’t think I could ever hate you, Joe.”

“Will you be annoyed at me?” Joe asked.

“No,” Nicky glanced at Joe, “You know you’re still naked, right?”

Joe smiled, but he didn’t open his eyes, “by design.”

Nicky shook his head, fondness seizing his stomach, and opened his essay.

The previous day Nicky had been scarcely able to think straight for wondering what Joe was doing. Today, surprising even Nicky, was the exact opposite.

Joe was asleep within ten minutes and while Nicky’s mind still drifted to him often, there was no wondering or overthinking. Joe was there, a few feet from Nicky, blissfully napping in his bed. 

Three hours passed quickly with Joe’s quiet breathing providing the perfect white noise soundtrack for Nicky to write to.

Nicky was about to start a final read through when he heard Joe stirring. Joe really could sleep a lot. Nicky thrived on little sleep, or at least he had practice powering through exhaustion. 

After a minute Nicky could feel Joe’s eyes on him.

“Did you have a nice nap?” Nicky asked.

“I kind of feel like death,” Joe groaned. 

Nicky smiled to himself, “I can never sleep during the day.”

Joe sat up and leaned against the wall Nicky’s bed was pushed up against.

“You got any scratch paper? Like an old notebook or something?” Joe asked after a moment.

“Yeah.” Nick said absentmindedly, more focused on reading his essay. He fished a half used composition notebook out of a drawer and turned to hand it to Joe, who Nicky suddenly remembered was still naked. The towel, though still technically still wrapped around Joe’s waist, was leaving very little to the imagination.

Joe took the notebook and grabbed a pencil from Nicky’s desk. He flashed a wide grin at Nicky, who was well aware he was staring.

“Don’t mind me,” Joe said.

Nicky rolled his eyes and tore his gaze away from Joe. The sooner he finished his essay, the sooner he could fully appreciate whatever Joe was up to.

A few edits later -and probably slightly less care than he would have normally put into proofreading his work- Nicky sighed and decided the essay was as done as it was going to get. He shut his laptop and looked at Joe.

Joe smiled, glancing up at Nicky before looking back down at the notebook propped up on his knee, and said, “don’t move.”

Nicky looked back at his now closed laptop, he could hear Joe moving the pencil across the paper. Nicky had never been drawn before and he suddenly forgot how to sit like a normal person.

“Relax,” Joe said, amusement clear in his voice.

“Sorry that took so long,” Nicky said. He rolled his shoulders a little, not sure if that’s what Joe meant by _relax._

“Well I slept through most of it so, you’re fine,” Nicky heard Joe stop drawing, “I can sleep pretty much anywhere.”

“You’re lucky. I’m usually a pretty restless sleeper.”

Joe didn’t answer, so Nicky looked over at him.

Joe was staring down at his work, but after a moment he looked back at Nicky.

They stared at each other for a moment before Joe said, “You’re gorgeous.”

Nicky felt his ears grow hot while Joe handed him the notebook. In it was a sketch of Nicky’s profile as he stared at his computer. The sketch was distinctly Joe’s style but obviously of Nicky, right down to his mole. Nicky felt his stomach get tight, and he handed the notebook back to Joe.

“I’ve never had someone draw me,” Nicky said, because it was true and he didn’t know what else to say.

“Well, get used to it. Quynh will be glad I’ve found someone else to bother,” Joe said, struggling to get up and not drop his towel. “I should probably get dressed.”

“Probably,” Nicky chuckled.

**Joe**

Why did everything Nicky do have to turn Joe on?

It wasn’t like Joe had never seen Nicky eat anything. Objectively, Nicky wasn’t even doing anything sexy, if anything he was eating his food utterly normally. For whatever unexplainable reason though, Joe could not concentrate on his own food, and his eyes kept drifting to Nicky’s mouth.

They had spent the afternoon alternating between talking, laughing, and making out. Joe had already both given and received blow jobs from Nicky. There should be a million other things for Joe to focus on and elicit the current metal haze in which he found himself. Nicky shoveling forkfuls of pasta into his mouth was not one of those things.

Nicky had suggested a little hole in the wall family owned Italian restaurant a block from his apartment for dinner. The food was delicious. At least from the few bites Joe had managed to take he was pretty sure it was delicious.

Luckily, distracted as Joe was, he was still able to keep up with the flow of conversation. Nicky had a lot of questions about Joe’s family, and seemed genuinely interested when Joe went off on tangents about his sisters.

When Joe had let slip, “my mother will love you.” Before he could think better of it, Nicky had smiled and resumed eating, a pink flush spreading over his cheeks.

Joe still avoided bringing up Nicky’s family and Nicky didn’t steer the conversation in that direction either. Joe wasn’t worried about it, though. Nicky would tell him about them when he was ready.

Eventually Joe did finish his meal, though only after Nicky had finished his. Nicky drank three glasses of wine with his dinner and by the time they were walking out into the night air Nicky’s cheeks were a deep shade of pink. 

Buzzed Nicky was extremely handsy, not that Joe would ever complain about Nicky’s hand slipping under the hem of his shirt to grab his hip.

They slowly walked back to Nicky’s apartment, Joe’s arm slung around Nicky’s shoulders, Nicky’s around Joe’s waist. They continued their easy conversation, mostly flirting the whole way. Nicky was talking about his childhood in Genoa, and how much he missed swimming in the ocean when they arrived back at Nicky’s building.

Joe kissed Nicky’s cheek as he fished out his keys.

“Are you coming up?” Nicky asked.

Joe leaned his head down on Nicky’s shoulder, he wanted to say yes so badly.

“I can’t,” Joe said, “I have an early class tomorrow and I need clean clothes.”

Joe also hadn’t trained at all over the weekend, and he knew he should at least try to get a workout in before fencing practice in the afternoon. Life was still moving forward around them, and Joe knew he needed to be responsible.

“That’s-” Nicky paused, “understandable.”

Joe smiled, Nicky was ever the diplomat.

“I wish I could, though,” Joe said and pressed his lips to Nicky’s jaw, Nicky leaning into the kiss. Joe spoke with his lips still against Nicky’s jaw. “I don’t suppose I could convince you to come home with me.”

Nicky sighed and titled his head back, “unfortunately I am in much the same situation.”

Joe felt disappointed, but he was sure Nicky was feeling similarly, and that lessened the sting somewhat.

“I had a good night- well, weekend,” Joe said after a moment. He kissed Nicky’s exposed neck once more before pulling back.

“So did I,” Nicky said, softly.

“We should do something this week,” Joe backed away from Nicky until his hand dropped from Joe’s hip.

“Definitely,” Nicky said. 

“Okay,” Joe said enthusiastically.

“Okay,” Nicky said, copying Joe’s tone, his mouth curved into a small smile.

Joe laughed, and closed the space between them again. He grabbed Nicky by the hips and kissed him. Nicky’s hands were in his hair immediately, and he shivered at the feeling.

“Okay, okay,” Joe said, pulling back once more, “I need to leave.”

Nicky laughed, “You started that.”

“I know,” Joe said. He titled his head back in mock frustration, “but it’s only because you’re standing right in front of me.”

“I can hardly help that, Joe.” Nicky said, “I suppose I could remove the temptation.”

Joe’s chest tightened, but he couldn’t argue with the logic.

“Okay. Go inside before I keep you up for another night.”

Nicky laughed.

Nicky did go inside, but only after a few more quick kisses.

Joe watched Nicky until he disappeared through the door of his building. He turned away to walk back to his apartment, already not looking forward to sleeping alone.

**An Interlude**

| Nile Freeman |

_Sunday 10:53 PM  
_ _I am so fucked._

 _Um.  
_ _Hello to you too?  
_ _Why are you fucked?_

_I like Joe way too much_

_Haha that doesn’t sound like a problem Nico_

_Sunday 10:59 PM  
_ _Andy said you two looked cute last night_

 _Sunday 11:03 PM  
_ _Did something happen?_

 _That is a complicated question  
_ _that I don’t think I can answer.  
_ _But that’s not the problem…_

_Ok...then what IS the problem?_

_Is it too soon to say I am in extreme  
_ _danger of falling in love with him?_

  
  


**Nicky**

“I really can’t understand a thing you’re saying,” Nicky said, holding his phone a few inches away from his ear.

“Sorry,” Nile’s voice came over the phone with a laugh, and Nicky brought the phone back to his ear. “I’m just excited, I told you that you would like him.” Nicky could hear the smile in Nile’s voice.

“Understatement,” Nicky said with a dramatic sigh and he flopped down onto his bed, having just finished changing. He had decided to sleep in Joe’s sweats again, but he didn’t really have the energy to feel embarrassed about it.

“Okay so what’s the problem? You had a whirlwind weekend where you guys were hardly apart, and now you’re worried it’s a bad thing that you like him?”

“That’s not what I said,” Nicky switched Nile to speaker and set the phone down next to his head.

“Sorry- No, you’re worried that you might be -what was it?- in extreme danger of falling in love with him?”

“Yes.”

“And that’s a problem?” Nile asked, amused.

“I wish you wouldn’t make fun of me,” Nicky sighed. He rolled over and pressed his face into his pillow. He was probably imagining things, but he thought it smelled a little bit like Joe.

“I’m not making fun of you Nicky. I just don’t think this is a problem. You like him -Joe is the only thing you've talked about all weekend- and I think it’s pretty obvious that he likes you too.”

“Ok see that’s- I don’t doubt that the feeling is mutual,” Nicky said, feeling his cheeks grow hot. “It’s just- I’m wearing his pants right now, and I think I’ve probably worn his clothes more than my own this weekend. I’ve spent a grand total of five and half hours apart from him the whole weekend.”

Nicky checked the time.

“Well- five hours and about forty five minutes now- and I miss him so bad already. I didn’t sleep at all last night -don’t make that noise, I just couldn't sleep- I am so tired, Nile, but I don’t think I could fall asleep right now, no matter how hard I tried. I just want to feel him next to me, and wake up with his arm draped over me and him snoring in my ear again.” 

“Well, shit,” Nile laughed softly. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk this much before.”

Nicky groaned.

“And I think your assessment is pretty accurate. You are definitely in deep,” Nile said.

“What do I do?” Nicky asked.

“Tell him you miss him. Tell him you’re coming over. Nicky, if you don’t doubt his feelings, why would you think he isn’t going through the same thing?”

Nicky laughed. Nile was never one to mince words.

“What’s the worst that could happen? Again assuming he likes you too, and unless you and Andy have both been lying to me, I think it’s pretty obvious that he does. He tells you that you can’t come over? At least you won’t spend all night wondering.”

“What did I do to deserve a friend like you?” Nicky said, he was already grabbing his phone to text Joe.

“Unclear. It really makes no sense,” Nile said with mock smugness. Her voice softened when she added, “you deserve to be loved, Nicky.”

Nicky smiled to himself as he typed out a message.

 _Sunday 11:10 PM  
_ _I wish I had just come with you_

“I texted him,” Nicky said, he could feel his heartbeat in his throat.

“See? That wasn’t so hard.”

Nicky could hear Nile yawn on the other end of the phone.

“I should let you go,” Nicky said.

“Are you sure?” Nile asked.

“Yeah, get some sleep,” Nicky said, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep up with any conversation while he was distractedly waiting for Joe to text back.

“You should sleep too,” Nile said.

“I know.”

“But you won’t, will you?”

“I don’t know, I’ll try.”

“Try hard,” Nile said, and they said goodnight.

Nicky hung up and tossed his phone across the bed. He left to find something distracting to waste time on.

He brushed his teeth, got a glass of water and checked his email. Professor Wakefield had gotten back to him while he was out with Joe. She said switching classes should be fine, but they would talk before lecture the next day. He’d known he wasn’t going to be able to get away with calling his sudden need to switch his schedule a personal matter but it had been worth a shot.

Nicky closed his laptop and grabbed his phone off the bed.

Joe hadn’t texted back, but the text had been read.

It had only been a few minutes, and Joe had to walk all the way to the other side of campus alone at night. Chances are he wasn’t staring at his phone the entire time. 

When fifteen more minutes had passed Nicky checked again. Joe should have absolutely made it back to his studio by then, right? But there was still nothing.

In the end Nicky lasted forty five minutes before texting Joe again.

 _Sunday 11:55 PM  
_ _You make it home alright?_

Nicky actually saw the status change to _read_ this time. He practically held his breath waiting for a response, but a minute passed and nothing came in. Nicky had felt a small bubble of embarrassment start to form in his gut when there was a knock at the door.

Nicky didn’t even check to see who it was before opening the door, he already knew. Still, his tone came out more surprised than he meant it to when he said, “Joe?”

Joe was standing in the hall in completely different clothes than he was in when Nicky saw him less than an hour ago. Nicky took note of a leopard print snapback which Joe had on backwards, but his eyes fell on a backpack Joe had slung over one shoulder and Nicky couldn’t really take in the rest of what Joe’s wearing. The implications of a backpack took all his attention.

Joe shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He looked Nicky in the eyes for a moment, and then looked up over Nicky’s head

“Um- hey. One of your neighbors let me in- I walked all the way home and tried to do literally anything, but I couldn’t. I have homework too, you know?” Joe laughed and readjusted his hat nervously. “All I could think about was sleeping in your bed. Not even doing anything, I just want to fall asleep next to you. I uh- I walked back over here and stood outside your building for like ten minutes before you texted again.”

Joe finally looked at Nicky, he gripped the backpack strap on his shoulder with both hands.

“It’s probably too soon to say shit like this, but I can’t help it. I mean, we _have_ already spent two nights together, and you didn’t run after last night, which meant a lot. So, I thought I might just shoot my shot and see what happens. Now that I’m standing here rambling I kinda feel like I’m being too forward by showing up here at midnight, so maybe I should just- are those my pants?”

Nicky couldn’t help but let a small laugh escape. Joe snapped his eyes from staring at his pants on Nicky -again- to look Nicky in the eyes.

Later, Nicky would think of this as the moment when everything changed. Nicky could feel something click in his mind. He was done being scared. Joe wanted this just as bad as he did, and to keep second guessing and worrying about whether or not this was moving too fast was causing both of them unnecessary stress. 

_Fuck it._

Nicky reached out, grabbed the front of Joe’s shirt and pulled him into the apartment. He pushed Joe up against the door as he closed it and kissed him.

Joe pulled back from the kiss, and there was a brief moment where Joe just stared at Nicky. Then he was hastily dropping his backpack to the ground and kissing Nicky like his life depended on it.

They were both halfway undressed and almost to the bed when Nicky’s curiosity got the better of him.

“What’s in the backpack?” Nicky gasped out between kisses.

Joe laughed as he kicked his pants off.

“Clothes, my laptop,” Joe said. He planted a kiss on Nicky’s jaw and continued, “a tooth brush.”

Nicky smiled. Half from the way Joe had just nipped at his neck, half from the implications of Joe bringing a bag of supplies with him.

“Planning on staying awhile?” Nicky asked. He was working on getting his underwear off, while Joe had moved on to kissing his way down Nicky’s body.

“As long as you’ll have me,” Joe said into the center of Nicky’s chest. Despite the joking nature of the conversation leading up to that point Nicky could hear the weight in Joe’s words.

Nicky placed a hand on the side of Joe’s face, coaxing him to look up at Nicky.

Nicky wanted to say that he felt the same, or that _as long as you’ll have me_ would probably turn out to be a very long time. Instead he found himself lost in Joe’s eyes, and his mind drawing a blank.

Joe pulled Nicky into a kiss and they fell into bed together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Writes 25,000 words in two weeks  
> Also me: Takes over a week to write *4600* words.  
> *shrug* [idk, ya got me. By all accounts, it doesn't make sense.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHoOfxcOv0E)
> 
> (This was mostly fluff and smooches to apologize for the last chapter lol)
> 
> Next time on Share Your Address: Hey, how about we actually do some college in this college au???


	9. An Exercise in Time Management

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finding an outlet proved difficult, but after searching for about a minute Joe was able to locate one under the desk. He plugged in the charger and saw the light of his phone out of the corner of his eye, telling him his phone was charging. He sat back too quickly, misjudging how much space he had, and hit his head on the underside on Nicky’s desk.
> 
> “Shit,” Joe swore to himself, and rubbed the back of his head.
> 
> “What are you doing?”
> 
> Joe turned to find Nicky in the same position as before, arm still hanging off the side of the bed, but now he was slowly blinking back at Joe.
> 
> “Plugging in my phone,” Joe said with a soft laugh, “sorry I woke you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [scimitar-and-longsword,](https://scimitar-and-longsword.tumblr.com/) if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3
> 
> Beta read by [Isa](https://yogurtfordinner.tumblr.com/)

**Joe**

_Bzz bzz bzz._

Joe woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing on the floor. His face was tucked against the back of Nicky’s neck. He took a deep breath, drinking Nicky in. He smelled like sweat and sandalwood.

_Bzz bzz bzz._

One of Joe’s arms was draped lazily over Nicky’s waist but the other one was numb where it was trapped awkwardly between his chest and Nicky’s back. As much as he didn’t want to move, feeling was slowly returning to his arm and the pins and needles were reaching the point of being unbearable. Gently as he could, Joe untangled himself from Nicky, who made a noise of protest. For a moment Joe thought he had woken him, but instead Nicky rolled onto his stomach with a sigh and settled once more; all the while Joe’s phone continued to buzz.

_Bzz bzz bzz._

Joe stretched the numbness from his arm as he fished his phone out of his discarded pants and turned off his alarm. It was still dark outside, which was probably the only reason Nicky wasn’t up. Well, that and the fact that he hadn’t slept the night before. It was early, much earlier than Joe would be awake if he could help it. Mondays were always rough for him though, and he had promised himself the night before that he would go for a run before class. Joe silently cursed Sunday-night-Joe for having made such a stupid decision, but he was up already and decided he might as well make the best of it.

Joe drank water straight from the kitchen faucet, used the bathroom, and prayed in Nicky’s living room as the sky outside began to brighten.

He grabbed his hat and backpack where they still sat by the front door and laughed quietly at the path of abandoned clothing. He picked up each piece on his way back into the bedroom. 

Nicky was still asleep, an arm hanging off the edge of the bed. He looked peaceful. Joe briefly thought about crawling back into bed with him, but instead he dumped both his and Nicky’s clothes into the hamper, dug clothing out of his backpack that he could run in, and got dressed.

His phone was almost dead, an ominous red _12%_ staring back at him. Luckily, he had remembered to toss a charger in his backpack during his frantic packing the night before. It would probably only get a minute or so of charging before he needed to leave, but every little bit helped. 

Finding an outlet proved difficult, but after searching for about a minute Joe was able to locate one under the desk. He plugged in the charger and saw the light of his phone out of the corner of his eye, telling him his phone was charging. He sat back too quickly, misjudging how much space he had, and hit his head on the underside on Nicky’s desk.

“Shit,” Joe swore to himself, and rubbed the back of his head.

“What are you doing?”

Joe turned to find Nicky in the same position as before, arm still hanging off the side of the bed, but now he was slowly blinking back at Joe.

“Plugging in my phone,” Joe said with a soft laugh, “sorry I woke you.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost six.”

Nicky groaned and rolled onto his back.

“Can I borrow your keys?” Joe asked, pulling on his shoes. “I was gonna go for a run.”

“Yeah uh-” Nicky paused and rubbed his eyes. “They’re on the counter in the kitchen.”

Joe hesitated, second guessing his instincts for only a moment, before walking over to the bed and kissing Nicky on the forehead. Nicky startled at the contact.

“Go back to sleep,” Joe whispered. He started to leave but Nicky caught his hand.

“Wait,” Nicky said. He blinked his eyes rapidly and shook his head. He looked like he was barely awake. “How long will you be gone?”

“About an hour.”

Nicky pulled his hand lightly, and Joe didn’t need to be asked twice. He leaned down and kissed Nicky, holding himself up with an arm on either side of Nicky’s shoulders. Nicky made a sleepy noise, and pressed up into the kiss, his hand finding its way to Joe’s hip.

Nicky deepened the kiss, and threaded his fingers through Joe’s hair. The kiss was lazy and sweet, without any expectation of going further. Joe wished he could stay there with Nicky’s fingers casting sparks across his scalp, but real life beckoned.

Joe groaned as he pulled away, he missed the weekend already.

“You have no idea how much I want to continue this.”

Nicky laughed and pushed Joe’s shoulder playfully. “Go, the sooner you leave the sooner you’ll be back.” His eyes were already drifting closed, sleep pulling him down once more.

Joe grabbed his phone -which had charged all of two percent during their brief makeout session- and headphones from his backpack.

Joe said goodbye but Nicky didn’t respond, as he was already asleep.

The air felt chilly and crisp as it filled Joe’s lungs with each breath. While the days had begun to warm, it was still technically winter, and the early morning air held a bite.

Joe loved running, but the familiar, steady pound of his feet hitting the ground and tightness of his chest as he pushed through the final stretch of his run -that he normally lived for- were nothing compared to the pull he felt to get back to Nicky.

Normally, this close to the end of a long run Joe would start to slow his pace, instead he found himself speeding up as he turned the last corner onto Nicky’s street.

It should have scared him. Logically, he knew he should be apprehensive or feel stifled by his and Nicky’s sudden and complete fall into each other. Hell, he knew he should not want something like this at all, not with his history with Keane being as recent as it was.

Maybe he only thought he should feel that way though. His therapist repeatedly told him that there was no single path to healing. Maybe this could be his? But no- that felt wrong too.

He wanted Nicky -fuck, he wanted him more than anything- but he didn’t need him. Nicky couldn’t heal him any more than Joe could heal Nicky of whatever had happened to him two years before that made him close off from the world. So no, Nicky wasn’t his path to healing, but he sure as hell wanted to have Nicky by his side as he traversed whatever way forward he found. He hoped -and was pretty sure- that Nicky felt the same way.

Joe stopped at the large glass door to Nicky’s building. He checked his phone, which miraculously had not died, though a red _2%_ was staring back at him. It was 6:58, he had maybe forty five minutes before he needed to leave for his first class, and that wasn’t nearly enough time with Nicky. He didn’t wait for the elevator in the opulent lobby, instead choosing to take the five flights of stairs two steps at a time. He was winded by the time he got to the apartment. He wasn’t sure it really saved him any time, but it felt like it did.

Joe put Nicky’s keys back on the counter and stifled the urge to shout _Honey I’m home_ into the quiet apartment. It was a bad joke, and Joe cringed at himself almost as soon as it entered his mind.

Regardless of joke-efficacy, Joe would have hated to miss the sight of Nicky still sleeping when he walked in the bedroom. He was in almost the exact same position Joe had left him in, laying on his back, except his arm was draped over his eyes.

Joe felt his chest go tight in the same way it had countless times the last few days. He was pretty sure he had a handle on what that feeling meant, but he was entirely unprepared to deal with it. Things were moving fast enough already, and he would have to deal with it eventually, but not right then staring at Nicky sleeping while he could feel sweat dripping down his neck.

He plugged his phone in, and showered as fast as was humanly possible. Nicky was still asleep when Joe started digging clothing out of his backpack, but by the time he was fully dressed Nicky had his head propped up on one hand, watching him.

“Hello again,” Joe said, grinning at Nicky from across the room.

Nicky smiled back, but there was confusion in his eyes.

“Do you even remember me leaving?”

“Not really,” Nicky starts. There was a glint in his eyes when he added, “I vaguely remember kissing you.”

“Vaguely?” Joe raised one eyebrow at Nicky, “I seem to remember you being very involved in it.”

“It’s coming back to me,” Nicky said, and moved to sit at the edge of the bed.

Joe knew he didn’t have a lot of time before he needed to leave, but there was an unspoken _Care to remind me?_ in the way Nicky leaned back slightly onto his hands and gave Joe the smallest of smiles.

Joe was over to Nicky in three large strides. He straddled him, and crashed their mouths together.

Nicky laughed and made an _omph_ noise against Joe’s mouth as he fell backwards onto the bed. Nicky’s hands were already on Joe’s thighs where they were bracketing Nicky’s waist by the time Joe could register that Nicky was hard under him.

Joe was fully clothed already, but Nicky was gloriously still only in his underwear. He rocked his hips upwards and Joe groaned, dropping his forehead to the bed next to Nicky’s head. Joe felt Nicky shake slightly with an inaudible laugh.

A bright chirping noise came from Nicky’s desk and he huffed out a frustrated sigh.

Nicky squirmed out from under Joe to turn off his alarm. Joe rolled onto his back and covered his face.

“Am I a bad influence if I suggest we just skip our first classes?” Joe asked from beneath his hands.

“I wish I could, but I have a meeting first thing,” Nicky’s voice was already disappearing into the bathroom.

Nicky took a shower while Joe threw together a simple breakfast of over easy eggs and toast.

Nicky was overly gracious in his complimenting of Joe’s cooking, even though he knew it was utterly mundane compared to what Nicky had made the day before.

_“I thought you said you couldn’t cook.”_

_“I never said I couldn’t cook, just that I don’t often.”_

They were out the door and walking together toward campus a little later than both of them would have liked, but in Joe’s opinion distracting Nicky while he washed dishes by kissing the back of his neck had been worth it.

They were almost at the point where Joe knew they would have to split off in different directions when Joe finally worked up the courage to ask if he could stay over again that night.

“So, I- Uh- left some clothes at your place,” Joe said, hoping that his meaning was clear.

“I saw,” was all Nicky said.

“Is that alright?”

“I’ve already held your clothing hostage once to get you into bed with me,” Nicky said as they stopped in the middle of the path. “You’re just taking out the middleman.”

Joe chuckled and there was a moment where he almost let three words tumble out of his mouth. Only in the way he would with Booker or Quynh, full of fondness and teasing, but there was an obvious difference between telling Quynh he loved her and saying it to Nicky. He almost literally bit his tongue and instead went with, “you’re ridiculous.”

Nicky's eyes were bright when he leaned in to kiss Joe goodbye, but they were both already running late as it was so the kiss was quick, and then Nicky was off walking away from Joe deeper into campus.

**Nicky**

“You’re not prone to over exaggeration.”

“Not generally, no.”

Professor Wakefield gestured for Nicky to sit down in the chair opposite her.

“So I can only guess that this is a pretty serious personal issue?”

Nicky looked down at his hands and clenched his jaw, trying to find the right words.

“I started seeing someone and their ex is in my class.”

“Well that’s an understandable reason to want to switch classes,” Professor Wakefield laughed lightly. “Jordan was very excited to have more time between her classes, so I know she appreciates the switch as well.”

Nicky tried to force a smile at Professor Wakefield, but she obviously didn’t buy it, as her face fell slightly and she tilted her head to one side.

“That bad?” 

“I don’t know,” Nicky said. He didn’t know what he could or couldn’t say, he should have asked Joe instead of trying to deal with this on his own. “I just know some things about him I’d rather not know.”

“You don’t have to be so formal all the time Mister di Genova, I’m not going to get mad if you misspeak, it’s obvious you’re upset.”

“I’m worried about even being in the lecture hall with him,” Nicky said quickly. When he saw Professor Wakefield’s eyes go wide he hastily added, “I don’t know. I’m probably overreacting.”

She gave him a small smile before continuing with a soft voice, “answer me honestly, do I need to take this to the school?”

“I don’t know. It’s-” Nicky sighed and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “It’s not my place- I just can’t teach him anymore.”

“Alright.” Professor Wakefield nodded to herself for a moment before adding, “I don’t know what I can do about lecture though.”

“It’s fine,” Nicky said. It wasn’t, but he knew he’d survive. At least he didn’t have to interact directly with Keane anymore.

Nicky dug in his bag and pulled out the stack of graded quizzes.

“Here,” Nicky said, holding them out to her.

“Thank you,” Professor Wakefield said, taking the quizes, “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

Nicky took that as an obvious hint that it was time for him to leave, and walked over to the lecture hall.

Jordan excitedly plopped down next to him in the lecture hall where he was seated in the front of the class with the rest of the teaching assistants.

“You are an angel Nicky, a saint.” She said, pulling out her laptop.

“It’s not a problem, Jay,” Nicky said, getting out his own computer.

“Any particular reason for the switch?”

“My uh-” Nicky stuttered, trying to avoid calling Joe his boyfriend before they had even talked about it. “The guy I’m seeing- his ex is in the class”

Jordan whistled, “yikes. What an awful coincidence.”

“Yeah, I didn’t feel right continuing.”

“I get it,” Jordan started but she was cut off when -for probably the first time in his life- Nicky couldn’t stop words from spilling out of his mouth 

“Plus, he’s an idiot and I don’t need another reason to hate teaching him more than I already did.”

Nicky realized he probably shouldn’t have said that as soon as the words left his mouth. Jordan laughed loudly though, and Nicky was pretty sure his lapse wasn’t judged too harshly.

“Whoa. I think that’s the meanest thing I’ve ever heard you say, Nicky.”

“Yeah well-” Nicky started, but his voice trailed off.

The lecture hall slowly filled with students. It was large and had multiple entrances, but Nicky still tensed every time the door nearest where the group of TAs was seated opened. Nicky had no reason to think Keane would use that door, he never had before, but Nicky felt on edge anyway.

In order to TA for the class one had to have taken the class already, and this was Nicky’s second time TAing for the class. Professor Wakefield arrived five minutes before the hour and Nicky prepared to half listen like he always did, he knew the course well enough to probably not need to pay any attention. That day however he wasn’t sure he’d even be able to manage the half listening.

Somehow everything in him both wanted to turn around to see if Keane was there and to ignore the issue all together. His brain had grinded to a halt, unable to focus on anything else. All he wanted was to be back in bed. The promise of Joe being in his bed might have had something to do with that feeling, though.

Right on cue, his phone buzzed. 

**An Interlude**

| Nicky |

_Monday 8:31 AM  
_ _I hope your lecture goes smoothly  
_ _considering...  
_ _Try not to miss me too much_

_I will endeavor to endure it stalwartly_

_Remember when I said you were too smart for me?_

_Yes  
_ _And you were as wrong then as you are now_

_Monday 10:35 AM  
_ _I survived  
_ _Though I’m not sure I succeeded_

_At what?_

_Not missing you.  
_ _Where are you?_

 _My figure drawing class  
_ _Staring at naked people  
_ _Which is not as fun as it sounds_

 _Do you have a break at all?  
_ _My next class starts at 11_

 _I’m here until 11, but after that I’m free until 2  
_ _Then it’s class and practice until 7_

_Seriously?_

_Unfortunately.  
_ _I don’t even get the chance to  
_ _grab dinner most Mondays._

_Well, I guess I’ll see you tonight then_

🙃  
_Well, Mondays just became my  
_ _least favorite day of the week_

_Were they not already?_

_Idk I’d never really thought about it  
_ _I’m getting glares for texting  
_ _when I should be sketching_

_Then stop texting me_

_I don’t want to..._

_Monday 12:37 PM  
_ _Booker is being entirely too smug  
_ _about his hand in us going out_

_Tell him I asked you out on my own_

_He doesn’t care._

_Monday 2:04 PM  
_ _Out of my last class for the day  
_ _Just in time to sit around missing you for 5 hours_

😏  
_You miss me?_

_Of course I do._

_Monday 4:35 PM  
_ _Mad dash from my last class to practice.  
_ _How goes the missing me?_

 _Terribly.  
_ _Or well?  
_ _I’m not sure which answer makes the most sense._

_Monday 4:53 PM  
_ _I miss you, is what I’m trying and failing at trying to say_

_Two more hours_

  
  
  


**Joe**

Joe lunged forward extending his arm, but Lykon was able to parry at the last second. He tried for a riposte but Joe sucked his stomach in, to avoid Lykon’s saber and was able to land a hit on Lykon’s chest.

“Hault.” Their coach called.

Joe removed his mask, as the few teammates who were watching the bout waited for the result that Joe was already confident of.

“Point to Joe. That’s 15. Alright, go home and rest, you lot.”

“Yes, Joe!” Quynh shouted, punching the air one time in front of her.

“Aw Quynh, I’m hurt,” Lykon said.

“Sorry Lykon, best friend right of way rules apply here, he was here first.”

“That was a stretch of a joke,” Lykon said with a laugh, “but I’ll accept it.”

Joe walked over to his stuff and grabbed his water bottle, watching Quynh and Lykon playfully bicker. He was going to miss this.

Lykon was a sophomore and still had two years ahead of him. Joe tried not to think about how much time he had left.

“So,” Quynh said when she finally managed to break away from Lykon.

“So?” Joe offered after a moment.

“So Nicky texted me.” 

“Oh?” Joe said, a little surprised.

“Yeah,” Quynh said. “Just said that he thought I should have his number. So I take it Keane came up?”

“He did.”

“And?”

“And what? I told Nicky about what happened. He was surprisingly cool about it. I fell asleep practically on top of him after crying for twenty minutes.” Joe took a long drink of water.

“So you spent the night?”

“Last night too,” Joe said. Quynh made a skeptical face and Joe felt like pushing her buttons so he added, “I’m going back over after practice.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little fast?” Quynh asked.

“No,” Joe said too quickly. Quynh arched an eyebrow at him, “alright fine, a little. But I sort of don’t care. I feel lighter than I have in months.”

“I don’t know how to make this sound not awful, so I’m just gonna say it. Are you sure you’re not just lonely?”

Joe actually laughed at that. 

“Yes Quynh, I’m sure I’m not just lonely. And regardless, this is better than anything that came before this, it feels so good just being around Nicky.”

“It was good with Keane at the beginning too,” Quynh pointed out quietly.

She was technically right. Joe wished he was better at articulating what he was feeling. Wished he had the words, wished he had different words than the one that, for the second time that day, popped into Joe’s mind. He was pretty sure it was technically accurate, though saying that to Quynh would probably freak her out more. So instead Joe stumbled onward, trying to get her to understand how good being with Nicky felt.

“Not like this, Quynh. I know it might seem similar to what happened before. I’ll be the first to admit I tend to fall hard and fast, I always have. But this is different. I’ve never felt like this before. Nicky’s so different. I’m different now, too. And I- I don’t know. I really like him, Quynh.” 

Joe shrugged and realized he was grinning. 

Quynh’s smile widened a bit.

“Well, in that case- I can’t promise I won’t worry, but I’ll try to worry less,” Quiynh said. “But only cause I like you, al-Kaysani, and I know you can take care of yourself.”

“I’ll take it,” Joe said with a chuckle, and pulled Quynh into a hug.

**Nicky**

_Monday 7:23 PM  
Can you come down and let me in?  
Wait nvm someone just came out.  
Be up in a min _

Nicky paced through his kitchen worrying, probably overly so, about everything. Par for the course for Nicky, but his worries didn’t usually involve someone he cared about, they were usually directed more inwardly.

Joe opened the front door and Nicky startled. He set down a large duffle -that Nicky recognised as being his fencing gear- next to the front door, along with his backpack. His hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, but he was still the most handsome man Nicky had ever seen.

“Fuck, I missed you.” Joe said when he finally got his arms around Nicky.

“Me too.” Nicky said, burying his face in Joe’s shoulder. They stood locked in the hug for a moment, Nicky content to just breathe in the smell of Joe’s sweat and deodorant.

Joe loosened his arms slightly, but Nicky couldn’t. Not yet. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I got out of teaching him.”

“What?” Joe said, finally pulling back from the hug.

“I switched teaching assistant slots. So I-” Nicky trailed off.

“You didn’t have to do that for me.” Joe’s eyes softened.

“I didn’t,” Nicky said. “I don’t want to be in the same room with him more than I can help it.”

Joe smiled, small crinkles formed at the sides of his eyes, but they disappeared quickly when Nicky sighed and kept talking.

“I had to tell the professor what’s going on. Sort of. No names or specifics, but I think she still guessed the gist of it.” Nicky wasn’t sure why, but he brought the last bit of the sentence up like a question. Like he wasn’t sure if that had been a violation of Joe’s trust. Nicky felt like he had crossed a line without meaning to.

Joe pulled him back into the hug and Nicky wound his arms around Joe’s back. There was something mildly frustrating about how Nicky couldn’t seem to keep things from Joe. He wasn’t used to feeling like he could unburden himself, it was overwhelming.

“What are we?” Nicky asked into Joe’s shoulder after a moment.

“What do you mean?” Joe asked in turn.

“Telling the professor why I had to switch classes was-” Nicky paused trying to find the right words. “-difficult. I didn’t know what to call you.”

Joe pulled back from the hug again, and he cocked an eyebrow before he said, “I already told you I didn’t want this to be a one night -well now four night- stand.”

Nicky huffed out air in an almost laugh and looked down. He didn’t know why it was so hard to make words come out right at that moment.

“Nicky- Nicky, look at me,” Joe said gently, his smile was wide when Nicky finally looked up at him. “Nicolo di Genova, will you be my boyfriend?”

The tension in Nicky broke when he let out an involuntary laugh.

“What? I’m serious.” Joe protested.

“You pronounced my name wrong.” Nicky said. “It’s Nicolò.”

“To be fair I’ve never heard anyone say it out loud,” Joe said with a chuckle. “Well, Nicolò, will you?”

Nicky smiled and shook his head at the pomp of the moment. Barefoot in the middle of his parents’ mostly empty apartment, Joe, someone he’d known for four days, sweating all over him. He felt the familiar feeling of tightness in his gut.

“Yes, Yusuf al-Kaysani I will be your boyfriend,” Nicky rolled his eyes.

“Oh see? You did really well with my name,” Joe said, lifting his eyebrows.

Nicky sighed and kissed his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have done WAY TOO MUCH fencing research for this, and yet somehow still not enough *shrug*  
> I apologize if any of that brief bout was gibberish.  
> I think I made up for it by giving Quynh a joke that no one BUT someone who fences (or has done way too much fencing research like *this gal*) would get.... so dear readers who are fencers (of which I'm sure there are none... but low key say hi if you are??) I'm sorry, but at least you weren't confused by Quynh's bad joke lol


	10. I Can Feel The Draw...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He drew the bowstring back to his cheek like he had seen Nicky do. He tried his best to aim at the target and he let the bow string go. The arrow sailed over the target and clattered to the ground somewhere further down the cement range.  
> Joe heard Nicky laugh softly again.  
> “Try again.”  
> “Any pointers?” Joe asked.  
> “Aim lower,” Nicky said. Joe looked back at him and raised an eyebrow. Nicky just smiled at him innocently and gestured with one hand for Joe to continue. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Drawing your attention to that “Panic Attacks” tag once more*
> 
> My tumblr is [scimitar-and-longsword,](https://scimitar-and-longsword.tumblr.com/) if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3
> 
> Beta read by [Isa](https://yogurtfordinner.tumblr.com/)

**Nicky**

Nicky had been worried after how little his and Joe’s schedules had matched up on Monday that they would hardly get to see each other during the week. Luckily, those worries had been largely unfounded. On Tuesday their classes had lined up nearly perfectly and they had been able to eat both lunch and dinner together between classes and Joe’s fencing practice at the end of the day. 

Joe spent the night at Nicky’s again on Tuesday, but Wednesday night saw them back at Joe’s. They never even discussed whether or not they would continue to spend every night together, they just did.

On Thursday their schedules were going to be out of sync again, though not as terribly as Monday had been. Nicky had an early class, since his new TA slot was now in the morning instead of the afternoon.

That day he woke up like he had nearly every day since the first night they’d spent together, with Joe’s body fully pressed up against his back, one of Joe’s legs between his, and hot breath on the back of his neck.

Like every morning since Monday, he also had vague memories of Joe getting up with the sun to pray before crawling back into bed with him. Somehow, Joe was able to fall back asleep. He appeared to be able to sleep anywhere, any time- something Nicky had never really mastered.

Joe shifted in his sleep and his nose bushed the back of Nicky’s neck. Nicky smiled to himself and turned around in Joe’s arms. Even in his sleep, Joe let Nicky move easily. His arms loosened a moment before Nicky started moving. Sometimes it felt like Joe could read his mind. 

Nicky settled in facing Joe, whose face was relaxed with sleep. Nicky tucked an arm under his head and brushed a stray curl off Joe’s forehead.

It hadn’t even been a week yet, and he already felt like he had known Joe his entire life. This was all so new. Of course he still had so much to learn about Joe, but there was something between them -something that bloomed deep in his gut when Joe looked at him with his deep brown eyes- that felt comfortable and familiar. 

He traced his fingers down the side of Joe’s face, over his shoulder and down his chest. Nicky didn’t know what time it was, his alarm had yet to go off, but it was light out so it couldn’t be too early. Nicky’s mind wandered as his fingers drew idle shapes into Joe’s skin.

Nicky had just begun to contemplate waking Joe up to see if he wanted a blowjob before they had to get up when Joe shifted closer to him and nuzzled his face into Nicky’s bare chest. Nicky laughed, small and surprised, before wrapping his arms around Joe’s head and shoulders.

Joe made a sleepy noise and pulled Nicky closer to him by the hip.

“Did I wake you?” Nicky asked as he kissed the top of Joe’s head.

Joe hummed in a way that vaguely seemed like a confirmation, and nosed at Nicky’s sternum. Nicky’s stomach tightened, he couldn’t believe how deeply he cared for Joe already. These simple sleepy moments had Nicky drowning in fondness. 

Nicky’s alarm chirped behind him on the desk and he moved to roll over and turn it off, but Joe’s arm tightened around his middle and Nicky laughed again.

“I’m not going anywhere yet, just let me turn it off.”

Joe didn’t respond but he loosened his arm around Nicky’s waist. Nicky sat on the edge of the bed, grabbed his phone from the desk and set the alarm to a ten minute snooze. Joe took the opportunity to roll onto his stomach and shove his face directly into his pillow.

Joe had a small bed, small enough that they had trouble fitting on it together if they weren’t laying on their sides, which normally wasn’t a problem with their usual sleeping position, but now Joe was sprawled out on his front, taking up the entire bed.

“I thought you didn’t want me to get up,” Nicky said, leaning down so he could whisper into Joe’s ear. Joe visibly shivered, but didn’t move to give Nicky space. Well, two could play at that game.

Nicky straddled Joe’s hips, bringing his chest down to Joe’s back and kissing the shell of Joe’s ear. Joe shivered again, and this time he did try to move. First he pressed his ass up into Nicky’s half hard cock and then he tried turning over, but Nicky leaned lightly on his shoulders.

Nicky tuted softly, “shouldn’t have hogged the bed, I’m simply making the best of what you gave me.”

Nicky felt Joe shake with laughter more than he heard him laughing, as he still had his face mostly buried in his pillow.

Nicky kissed the back of Joe’s shoulder and ran his hands down Joe’s arms, tracing them until he was able to lace his fingers with Joe’s where they were tucked under the pillow.

“I usually get breakfast with Nile on Thursdays,” Nicky said into Joe’s shoulder before pressing another kiss to it. He hesitated a moment before adding, “wanna come?”

Joe mumbled something into the pillow, but Nicky only caught the word _early_.

“I’ll buy you as much coffee as you want.”

Joe groaned.

“The food is really good there too,” Nicky nipped at Joe’s ear and he shivered again. When Joe still didn’t answer he added, “better than mine for sure.”

“That-” Joe started, turning his face to look at Nicky over his shoulder, “can not possibly be true.”

Joe squinted against the sunlight that filled the room with one eye closed. His hair was sticking up wildly. He was adorable and Nicky couldn’t help but close the small distance between them to kiss the side of Joe’s mouth, awkward as the angle was.

Nicky lifted himself off Joe’s back for a moment as he turned over to face Nicky.

“Hi,” Joe said, eyes practically sparkling in the morning light.

“Hello,” Nicky replied. He leaned down and finally kissed his boyfriend good morning.

“I’ll go. But only so I can taste this obviously subpar food breakfast food,” Joe said. 

**Joe**

Joe bounced his leg nervously under the table. He had only met Nile once before, on the night he had broken up with Keane, which Joe was certain was the absolute worst first impression she could have received of the guy who was now dating her best friend.

That party was mostly a blur, though some moments stood out shaper than others. Mostly bad moments, but he remembered Nile checking on him as he hyperventilated into Quynh’s shoulder in Nile’s bathroom, and being present for -though not really participating in- a conversation with Nile later on that night. He hoped she didn’t hold that night against him, it had been one of the worst of his life.

Joe started when Nicky’s hand touched his knee.

“Are you alright?” Nicky asked.

“Yeah,” Joe said. He grabbed Nicky’s hand and concentrated hard on not letting his leg continue to bounce, “just nervous.”

“You don’t have to be nervous, she’s gonna love you,” Nicky said.

Joe nodded and started looking over the menu. The first thing listed was French toast; the picture had it piled high with berries and whipped cream. He couldn’t seem to focus on reading the rest of the items and decided French toast sounded fine. He put the menu down and sighed absentmindedly.

“Joe, breathe,” Nicky said quietly.

Joe nodded, still staring at the abandoned menu, and took a deep breath.

He hadn’t even realized his chest was getting tight until that moment. Of all the ridiculous things to set him off, meeting Nile was probably the most pointless one Joe could think of.

Then again, it wasn’t really Nile’s impending arrival that had set him off, was it? It was thinking about Keane and the party. And being nervous about meeting Nile. And midterms the upcoming week, for which he still had too many portfolio items to complete. And the upcoming fencing meet- his final fencing meet- the championship. And-

“Joe,” Nicky repeated, halting Joe’s spiral momentarily.

When Nicky didn’t keep talking Joe turned to look at him. His eyes were full of worry, which went right to the increasing weight on Joe’s chest.

“Do you want to leave?” Nicky asked. “I can cancel, Nile won’t mind.”

Joe couldn’t find his voice, but he shook his head. Nicky looked unconvinced. 

Nicky brought his hand up to Joe’s face. Joe closed his eyes and tried to focus on the feeling of Nicky’s thumb stroking across his cheek, leaning into it. He tried to take another deep breath, but something stopped him from feeling like his lungs were filling completely.

“Is this- I mean you said that you-” Nicky stuttered. “Are you having a panic attack?”

“I think so,” Joe choked out, even though he was positive he was having one. 

Joe kept his eyes squeezed shut, and focused the weight of Nicky’s hand on his cheek. He continued to try and slow his breathing which was proving difficult. He could feel his heartbeat in his temples. 

Joe knew what he looked like when he was having a panic attack, knew that he probably looked like he was choking. He could feel sweat starting to bead up on his brow and the back of his neck. The slow stroke of Nicky’s thumb seemed to be the only thing keeping him tethered.

They stayed like that for a few minutes. Nicky moved slightly and the pressure of his hand on Joe’s face lessened, like he was going to pull it away.

“Don’t,” Joe gasped and his own hand flew to cover Nicky’s on his cheek. 

“Alright.”

“Sorry,” Joe said automatically, and brought his hand back down to grip his own leg tightly.

“You don’t need to apologise.” Nicky said quietly, his thumb resumed its steady movements across Joe’s feverish skin.

Joe felt Nicky shift again, but his hand stayed firmly on Joe’s cheek. 

“Hey,” Nicky said after a moment. His voice was brighter than Joe expected. “You’re not here already, are you?”

Joe continued to try and ground himself with Nicky’s touch. Which seemed to be working, albeit slower than Joe would have liked. His heart was still racing but he was finally able to take a full deep breath.

“I’m sorry, but something came up and I need to cancel.” Nicky said. Joe was hyper focused on Nicky’s hand and the sound of his voice, even if he still wasn’t processing who Nicky was talking to.

“No, everything’s fine,” Nicky paused before adding, “I’ll tell you later.”

Joe was finally able to parse out that Nicky was on the phone as he felt his heart rate begin to slow.

“Thanks- Maybe this weekend? Don’t worry, I’m fine. Ok- Yes- Nile!” Nicky raised his voice slightly on Nile’s name. “I really need to go. Goodbye.”

Joe flinched when he heard Nicky’s phone hit the table with a low _thunk_.

“Hey,” Nicky said again, though much softer, as he brought his other hand up to bracket Joe’s face. “How are you holding up?”

“Getting better,” Joe said, and took another shaky deep breath, “slowly.”

Joe finally opened his eyes to find Nicky looking back at him from just inches away, his eyes still looked full of worry, but Joe could bear it now.

“Just give me a minute.” Joe said. He turned his face away from Nicky’s hands, crossed his arms on the table and leaned his forehead down onto them. Only a few seconds passed before Joe felt Nicky begin to rub his back lightly.

It took time, but Joe felt the tension in his chest disappear almost entirely, and his breathing and heart rate even out. By the time he lifted his head off the table he felt almost back to normal, if not a bit tired and embarrassed.

“Sorry,” Joe said, even though he knew Nicky’s response would be _you don’t need to apologize_ before he even said it.

Another few minutes passed before Nicky spoke again.

“What do you want more, food or fresh air?” Nicky asked.

“Food, I think,” Joe replied even as his stomach growled. “The French toast looked good.”

“Food it is,” Nicky said with a small smile, his hand still stroking Joe’s back.

**Nicky**

Nicky hated having to leave Joe so soon after the panic attack he’d had at breakfast, but Joe assured him that he would be fine, he was going to spend the morning drawing.

 _I’m usually alone when I have one,_ Joe had said, _having you there helped, really._

Nicky couldn’t help but wonder if Keane had witnessed many of Joe’s panic attacks. The way Joe had said _sorry_ after he had grasped Nicky’s hand to keep him from taking it away probably told him all he needed to know, though. Nicky’s hatred of Keane grew in the pit of his stomach.

His new batch of students seemed apprehensive about having a new TA days before the midterm, but Nicky had taken them through a study guide that he felt pretty proud of and they seemed to settle a little. 

The morning dragged on, and lunch couldn’t come fast enough.

Nicky saw Joe before Joe saw him, walking across the quad in different clothes than he’d been in earlier. More comfortable ones, sweats and a hoodie, that Nicky was sure were a response to his panic attack. 

Joe finally locked eyes with Nicky and his face lit up. He picked up his pace and half walked, half jogged to him. 

Joe practically crashed into Nicky, throwing his arms around his waist and kissing him. He made a sort of low happy growl as he peppered Nicky’s face with kisses.

“You-” Joe cut himself off and pulled back from Nicky. He made an obvious show of looking Nicky up and down, “you are the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

“You seem to be feeling better,” Nicky said, intentionally dodging the compliment. He felt his cheeks growing hot as Joe set his bag down on the grass.

“Loads,” Joe said. “Even better now that I’m with you.”

Joe flopped down on the grass and laid back with his eyes closed, hands behind his head. Nicky sat down cross legged facing Joe, the sun warm on his back.

“You’re wearing my pants,” Nicky said with a smirk. He picked at the drawstring of the familiar grey and navy blue _OGC Fencing_ sweats Joe was wearing.

“ _Your_ pants?” Joe laughed.

“I mean, I’ve certainly worn them more than you have this week,” Nicky said. He watched Joe’s cocky expression falter slightly, but it was quickly replaced by a wide grin and Joe opened one eye to look at Nicky. 

“You’re welcome to take them back,” Joe said. Nicky rolled his eyes.

Joe went back to laying with his eyes closed, but he brought a hand to rest on the grass next to Nicky, his fingers just barely brushing Nicky’s thigh. He continued to fiddle with the drawstring of Joe’s pants.

Nicky was positive Joe would fall asleep if he let him. They may have not even been together an entire week at that point, but Nicky was pretty sure the third constant in life after death and taxes was Joe’s ability to fall asleep anywhere.

“You know, it was about this time last week that I first saw a picture of you,” Nicky said.

“Oh yeah?” Joe asked. It hadn’t even been five minutes but his voice was already thick from almost falling asleep.

“I knew I wanted to meet you after seeing just one picture,” Nicky said, not daring to look up and see Joe’s expression. Somehow, Nicky felt like staring at his hands as he continued to thread the white drawstring through his fingers, mere inches from Joe’s crotch, was the less vulnerable option.

“Do I live up to my Instagram?”

“Far surpass it,” Nicky said. He chanced a glance at Joe who was staring back at him. Nicky quickly looked back at his hands, heat rising up in his cheeks again.

Without warning Joe grabbed Nicky and pulled him down sideways to lay next to him. Joe took out his phone and turned on the camera. He held it above them before turning to kiss Nicky on the cheek and took a picture.

“That’s not fair, I wasn’t ready,” Nicky protested as Joe brought his phone down to check that the picture looked alright. 

“Alright fine, take two,” Joe chuckled and raised his phone up again, “say cheese.”

That time Nicky turned Joe’s face toward his and kissed him on the lips. He was pretty sure Joe took a picture or two before dropping his phone and grabbing a fistful of Nicky’s shirt.

“Not ready, my ass,” Joe said when he pulled away after a minute.

Joe ended up posting one of the pictures of Nicky kissing him on Instagram. 

Nicky posted the first one of Joe kissing his cheek. It was the first thing he’d posted in over two years. He didn’t put a black and white filter on it.

**An Interlude**

Student/Faculty Misconduct Form

  
Date: Friday March 8th, 2019

Name: [Redacted]   
Other parties involved: [Redacted] [Redacted] [Redacted] and Professor Alyssa Wakefield

Complaint:

I have reason to believe that I was being unfairly targeted by a Teaching Assistant in my Abrahamic Religions class, taught by Professor Wakefield, due to him being involved with an ex boyfriend of mine. [Redacted] was my TA until this week when he switched time slots with another TA, [Redacted], who told the class he had switched due to a personal reason- “something to do with an ex.”

For months I have felt like he was grading me unfairly low, even failing me on occasion, and suspected he was doing it simply because he didn’t like me. I was already ready to take it to the professor when I found out the reason for his switch and confirmed, that he was dating [Redacted]

I truly don’t wish any harm on either of them and know this may seem like jealousy. I just want to be graded fairly, same as any student. 

I have attached copies of some of the feedback [Redacted] has given me, which I believe to be unfair and unnecessarily harsh, including a quiz he graded days before switching classes.

I have also attached screenshots of both of their Instagram accounts clearly showing them together as recently as yesterday afternoon.

Once again, I just want to have my work judged fairly, and hope to get it reviewed by another TA or the professor so I can get the grades I have worked hard for. 

Thank you for your time,  
[Redacted]

**Joe**

Midterms were never Joe’s favorite week, but now? Joe was fucking miserable.

He stupidly hadn’t been studying much because of fencing and just figured he could cram during the week of midterms when he didn’t have actual classes to worry about.

But then Nicky had showed up and suddenly Joe had someone he actually wanted to spend time with. Joe wanted to hang out with Nicky and go out with him- to take him on actual dates. Instead, he had to settle for the two of them holing up in Joe’s studio most nights because Joe had art pieces to finish.

Nicky was a good sport about it, and obviously had studying of his own to do, but it was extremely clear to Joe that Nicky was much more organized than he was. Joe felt awful about having to ignore Nicky so much that week. Nicky, of course, told him not to worry about it.

They hadn’t had sex since Monday, not that Joe had been keeping track or anything. He’d gone six months before this with nothing, but since he’d met Nicky it was like a dam had broken within him.

Of course on top of all that he still had fencing practice every night. And his coach hounding them all to practice as much as possible over break wasn’t helping his stress levels. Needless to say, by Friday Joe felt like he was going to combust. 

Joe’s last midterm was on Friday, Art History, which he felt like he did pretty well on. _Thank god._ Nicky’s midterms had been done by midday on Wednesday, which meant Nicky had spent the last two days watching Joe try to furiously pad out his figure drawing portfolio before the Friday afternoon deadline. Joe turned his portfolio in with 45 minutes to spare. His timing earned him a skeptical glance from the professor and Joe had simply said _I know, I know_ as he retreated back out of their office.

Joe would be leaving the following morning to spend the break at his parent’s house. With all his tests done and projects turned in he was suddenly extremely aware of how little time he had to spend with Nicky before not seeing him for a week.

They hadn’t really had a proper date since that first weekend and Joe was determined to take Nicky out to do something fun. He shoved down the _to remember me by_ that came to his mind, because it was ridiculous. He would be gone for nine days, and they’d only been dating for two weeks, he shouldn’t be this miserable about leaving Nicky for such a short amount of time.

Joe had had an idea in the back of his mind since practically the first time he’d seen Nicky -no, before that- since he’d seen pictures on Nicky’s Instagram of him standing with a drawn bow, aiming at some unknown target.

He’d found info about the archery range just off campus- well, Booker had found the info for him, because apparently Booker also did the smart thing and didn’t leave all his studying until the moment he had a hot boyfriend he’d rather be spending time with.

Nicky was dressed simply, jeans and a green button down open on top of a grey t-shirt. Understated as the outfit was, especially compared to Joe’s leather jacket and black jeans, Joe couldn’t take his eyes off his boyfriend as they made their way toward the archery range.

“So you’re really not going to tell me what we’re doing?” Nicky asked.

“Payback’s a bitch, Nicky,” Joe said with a wink.

Joe was holding Nicky’s hand, leading him toward the mystery date.

“In my defense, I really thought an artist would appreciate going to the ballet,” Nicky said.

“I liked going to the ballet with you,” Joe said. He turned and kissed Nicky’s cheek. “We should go again sometime.”

Nicky smiled as they turned the last corner. After only a few more steps though, Nicky stopped walking.

“Wait-” Nicky started. He turned to look back the way they’d come and then ahead of them, “Are you taking me to the archery range?”

“Is that weird? I know you said you haven’t been in a while,” Joe said quickly, hoping he hadn’t misread Nicky as he had fondly told him about his old hobby, “I just thought you could teach me.”

“No- that’s-” Nicky said, he shook his head but he was smiling, “I’m probably really rusty.”

“I won’t be able to tell the difference.”

Nicky gave Joe the small smile that Joe loved and grabbed his hand, pulling him toward the front door of the range.

The woman who was working the front counter seemed to recognize Nicky, though only vaguely, as Nicky asked for the rental equipment they would need.

“At least let me pay before I utterly embarrass myself,” Joe jumped in once it became apparent that they had all they needed. 

Nicky had rolled his eyes but relented.

The range itself was a large cement room, with white straight lines painted on the ground at one end and various targets scattered down range from them. There were a number of wide PVC pipes sticking out of the ground, and large metal T bars near the white lines. 

The range was practically empty, only a single man was standing at the other end of the line. Joe had hoped that coming an hour before closing would mean the range would be less crowded, and he guessed that the campus emptying out for break helped too.

Nicky picked a station that was lined up with a rather close target, and hung the bow up on one of the T bars.

Joe insisted that Nicky go first. He watched Nicky take off his outer shirt and put a handful of arrows into one of the PVC tubes on the ground. Nicky didn’t waste time, he plucked an arrow from the tube, nocked it and fired. Joe watched from where he stood, it hit about halfway from the center of the target. Nicky fired another, which hit much closer to the center, but still off slightly. The third arrow looked like it hit the bullseye. The fourth hit just next to it. The rest of the arrows grouped closely around the center of the bullseye, though the tenth and final one was a little off, but not by much.

Joe stood with his mouth agape when Nicky looked back at him.

“I told you I was rusty.”

“Rusty? You call that rusty?” 

Joe stepped up to Nicky as he hung the bow up and pulled him in by his shirt to kiss him. Nicky chuckled into Joe’s mouth and nipped at his lip. Joe felt like there were sparks dancing across his mouth.

The man at the other end of the range said something that Joe didn’t catch, but Nicky pulled away from this kiss and said, “hold that thought, I have to go collect the arrows.”

Joe took an unconscious step forward as Nicky pulled away, chasing the loss of contact. But Nicky was already jogging down the range. Joe couldn’t help but openly stare at his ass as he did.

The first thing Nicky did when he got back across the line was give Joe a quick kiss. He dropped the arrows back in the tube and grabbed the bow from where it hung on the vertical bar.

“Your turn,” Nicky said as he held the bow out to Joe.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’ve done this hundreds of times before,” Nicky said as Joe took the bow from him. “Besides, watching you will probably make me feel less self conscious.”

Joe narrowed his eyes and shook his head slightly -trying to hide his smile- in mock offence.

He took the bow and stepped up to the line on the ground. He tried to copy the way he had seen Nicky do it before. He stood side face and squared his shoulders before taking an arrow which he fumbled awkwardly before nocking it.

Joe heard Nicky laugh behind him.

“You know, you could help me instead of standing there watching me struggle.”

“You’re doing fine. Just make sure you aim straight down the range, only at the target in front of you.”

“Alright,” Joe said, unconvinced.

He drew the bowstring back to his cheek like he had seen Nicky do. He tried his best to aim at the target and he let the bow string go. The arrow sailed over the target and clattered to the ground somewhere further down the cement range.

Joe heard Nicky laugh softly again.

“Try again.”

“Any pointers?” Joe asked.

“Aim lower,” Nicky said. Joe looked back at him and raised an eyebrow. Nicky just smiled at him innocently and gestured with one hand for Joe to continue. 

Joe shook his head as he nocked and drew another arrow, he took Nicky’s obvious advice and aimed lower. The arrow did not fly over the top of the target, but it hit completely outside the target paper, up and to the right of the center.

“Better,” Nicky said.

Joe could hear Nicky getting closer, walking up behind him, but he was able to ignore Nicky enough to shoot another arrow. It actually hit the target, albeit in the outermost ring. He went to reach another for another arrow, taking a small step backward toward Nicky.

“Don’t move your feet,” Nicky said, his voice was soft, and closer than it had been a moment earlier.

Joe shot the arrow which went wide and on the completely opposite side of the target, the sound of it hitting the floor echoed through the range.

“See,” Nicky said, “you lost your base. Try again, but don’t move your feet between arrows.”

Joe shot 3 more arrows each getting closer to the center of the target, though his closest was still further out than Nicky’s worst shot had been.

There were still three arrows left when Nicky put a hand in the small of Joe’s back and said, “one moment, hang up the bow.”

Joe did and Nicky said a bit louder, “clear,” and both him and the other man set off to retrieve arrows.

Joe let out a heavy sigh and bounced on his toes. He had known having Nicky teach him how to shoot would be hot, but he had not expected to feel this keyed up when Nicky hadn’t even touched him while teaching him yet.

Nicky made it back a little slower this time, having had to hunt down the two stray arrows. He deposited them in the tube at Joe’s feet and grabbed the bow. The man at the other end of the line started packing up his gear to leave.

“Want to try again?” Nicky asked.

“I don’t think I can right now,” Joe said, he could feel heat rushing to his cheeks.

Nicky nodded with a small smile and took his place at the line. He shot faster that time, all ten arrows hit the target, most of them grouped to the left of the bullseye. Joe stood back from him shocked at how worked up he was.

Nicky retrieved the arrows and it was Joe’s turn again.

Joe took aim with his first arrow, released and pain shot up his left arm.

“Shit,” Joe cursed out, and saw a dull red welt form on the inside of his forearm. 

“That’s what you get for surprising me,” Nicky said quietly behind him where he had taken up the same position as before. “I’ll bring my gear next time and you can have an arm guard.”

“You have your stuff here?”

“Yeah it’s under my bed,” Nicky said.

Joe drew another arrow.

“Relax your grip on the bow or you’ll hit yourself with the bow string again.” Nicky whispered.

Joe shivered with how close Nicky was to him, he could feel the heat coming off his body. Joe tried to stay focused, he relaxed his grip and he fired, hitting the outer ring of the target.

Joe fired the rest of the arrows as fast as he could, which was still markedly slower than Nicky could, but he needed to be done with that round. Joe was surprised they all hit the target, though the placement was rather random as he couldn’t concentrate with Nicky’s breath on the back of his neck. Joe glanced to make sure the other man had indeed left before he spun around to kiss Nicky. Joe was still holding the bow. Nicky took it and hung it up on the bar, all without breaking the kiss.

Joe deepened the kiss and snuck a hand under Nicky's t-shirt to press it to the small of his back. Nicky shivered in response and pulled back from the kiss.

“I should have made you do this back when you were firing arrows wide, but it’s your turn.”

Joe blinked at Nicky for a moment as his brain struggled to shift back into archery mode. Nicky turned him toward the range and gave him a gentle push.

“You’ve been staring at my ass all night,” Nicky said, as Joe caught on, and started his half jog toward the target.

Joe made it back with the handful of arrows and put them in the tube. Nicky made another impressive show of firing all ten arrows in rapid succession. Joe stood back from Nicky as he was a thousand percent sure he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off him anymore.

Joe ran out onto the range to get the arrows before Nicky even asked. He returned them to the tube and grabbed the bow from Nicky. Joe was pretty sure he wasn’t imagining Nicky’s pupils looking blown wide when he did.

He took an arrow and nocked it. The arrow jumped slightly, dislodging itself from the arrow rest as he pulled the string back.

“You’re choking the string, relax.” Nicky whispered into Joe’s ear.

Joe took a shaky breath, he felt anything but relaxed, but he was able to relax his hand and let loose the arrow, which hit about halfway to the center of the target. He shot another arrow, which hit almost exactly the same spot. The third hit just above the first two.

“That’s a really good grouping, Joe,” Nicky said, his voice a normal level again. He sounded genuinely impressed and Joe couldn’t help but feel a small sense of pride fill his chest.

“I was aiming for the middle,” Joe said, drawing another arrow back.

“Keep doing that, what’s important is your consistency,” Nicky said, “you can adjust your aim later.”

Joe shot the rest of the arrows, aiming for the center of the target and continuing to hit in the top third of the target. But Nicky was right, he did keep hitting around the same area. Certainly not as close together as Nicky’s arrows tended to be, but it didn’t look random.

The last arrow hit the target and Nicky was on Joe instantly, snatching the bow from his hand to hang it up and wheeling him around to put his hands on either side of Joe’s face and stare intently into his eyes.

“You are remarkable,” Nicky said, and he kissed Joe before pulling back to add, “watching you improve so quickly is- and you taking my advice- I’m-.” 

Nicky stepped back and dragged a hand down his face. He looked positively overwhelmed. 

“How do you think I feel?” Joe asked.

“You think anything you’ve seen tonight is impressive? Just wait until you see me Robin Hood an arrow,” Nicky said and he took off jogging into the range.

“Does that mean when I think it means?” Joe asked when Nicky returned.

“Do you think it means one arrow piercing the back of another?” Nicky said. He looked smug when Joe nodded. “Then, yeah.”

“You can do that?” Joe asked.

“It’s not really something you do, it just happens. It’s more common than you think, but it's good for impressing handsome men,” Nicky said, picking up the bow.

They continued taking turns, perhaps slower than they would have been if they weren’t the only people at the range. Definitely with more touching and kissing than would have been appropriate. 

When the woman from the front counter came to tell them the range was closing, Joe was struggling to draw the bow string with Nicky pressed up against his back and kissing the nape of his neck. She flushed when they finally noticed her, and they dissolved into giggles as she walked away.

“My place or yours?” Joe asked when they stepped out into the night air.

Nicky shivered, he really wasn’t dressed for the cold night air in his thin open shirt and tee. Joe threw an arm around Nicky’s shoulders and pulled him in close, rubbing his arm in an attempt to create warmth.

“Yours,” Nicky said. After a moment he quietly added, “I have things I need to grab before you leave.”

Joe sighed and pulled Nicky closer as they walked. His jaw was clenched slightly, and Joe could tell he was worrying. Joe pressed a soft kiss onto Nicky’s cheek.

“I’ll miss you too, _ya hayati,_ ” Joe said before his brain caught up with his mouth.

**Nicky**

As had become the norm over the previous two weeks, Nicky woke up in Joe’s bed, with him pressed against his back. Usually Nicky was up before Joe, but that morning Joe grabbed Nicky’s hand almost as soon as Nicky woke up and sighed.

“My sister is gonna be here soon to pick me up,” he said, nuzzling his nose into the back of Nicky’s shoulder.

“What time is it?” Nicky asked. 

“Almost ten.”

Nicky wasn’t usually one to sleep in, but they had been up rather late. Both his hips and jaw felt sore.

Nicky turned over to look at Joe. He looked as apprehensive as Nicky felt, his eyes darting back and forth between Nicky’s eyes.

“I wanted to ask you something,” Joe said finally.

“Alright,” Nicky said, not loving the worried tone of Joe’s voice.

“Will you come stay with me? I already asked my parents and they said you could come on Friday and stay until Sunday, and we could drive back together.” Joe sucked the side of his bottom lip between his teeth. “If you wanted to, I mean.”

Nicky didn’t know what he’d been expecting Joe to ask, but it wasn’t that.

“Wouldn’t that be-” Nicky paused, trying to find the right word, “awkward?”

“What, you don’t want to squish into my childhood bed with me?” Joe asked.

Nicky laughed, but when Joe didn’t join him, he was taken aback. Surely he had to be joking.

“Wait- your parents wouldn’t-” Nicky started but couldn’t bring himself to finish the question.

“You’re not the first boy I’ve brought home, Nicky,” Joe said.

“ _Davvero?_ ” _Really?_ Nicky was having a hard time wrapping his head around Joe’s family knowing about them. “You and I have very different family lives.”

“So whether or not you get to sleep with me is the deciding factor? Because you will definitely be sleeping with me,” Joe said, and he kissed Nicky’s nose.

“No, I just- I just wasn’t sure if I would be welcome,” Nicky said. Joe smiled softly, his eyes full of fondness. “Or at least not welcome as your boyfriend.”

“Of course you’d be welcome, and I’ve already told them about you so there’s no getting out of them knowing we’re dating. My sisters are already being predictably nosy,” Joe said. His eyes lit up and he kissed Nicky’s nose again, “my mother is going to love you.”

“Alright,” Nicky said after a moment.

“Really?” Joe asked.

“Yeah,” Nicky said. His heart was beating quickly, but he was pretty sure it was from excitement, “I can’t pretend I’m not a little freaked out to be meeting your family, but I want to. And anything that gets you back in my arms two days early is something I would have a hard time saying no to.”

“Perfect,” Joe said excitedly. He gave Nicky another kiss on the nose and he crawled over him to get out of bed.

They got ready quickly. Joe had already packed a small bag the night before, and Nicky only really needed to collect his laptop and a few random pieces of clothing that had ended up mixed in with Joe’s.

They ended up standing on the curb wrapped in each other's arms when a car pulled up.

“Good morning!” A young woman, presumably Joe’s sister, called from within the car.

“Miriam!” Joe exclaimed. He ran to the driver’s door and gave her a kiss on the cheek through the open window. He motioned for Nicky to join him. “Miriam, this is Nicky. Nicky, my sister Miriam.”

“The famous Nicky,” Miriam said with a wide smile. A family trait, Nicky had no doubt.

“Nice to meet you,” Nicky said.

Miriam said something in Arabic and Joe laughed.

“Yeah, yeah,” Joe said as he pulled Nicky with him back to the curb and grabbed his bag.

“What did she say?” Nicky asked.

“She said you’re cute but we have to leave,” Joe said.

Nicky nodded, he felt apprehension rise up in his stomach.

“So, Friday?” Joe asked, pulling Nicky into a hug. 

“Friday,” Nicky agreed. “I’ll see if I can borrow Nile’s car.”

“I’ll miss you,” Joe said, leaning his forehead against Nicky’s.

“Same.”

Miriam honked the horn and Nicky jumped.

Joe laughed, gave Nicky a quick kiss goodbye and got into the waiting car.

As the car drove off, Nicky sighed -not looking forward to a week without Joe- and checked his phone.

**An Interlude**

From: alyssawakefield@ogc.edu  
To: nicolodigenova@ogc.edu  
Date: Mar 15, 2019, 10:48 PM  
Subject: Don’t worry.

Nicky,

I probably shouldn’t be sending you anything, but no one has told me not to talk to you yet so… I’ll beg forgiveness if I need to.

Please try not to freak out, I have absolute faith that you did nothing wrong, and that this whole thing will be resolved in time. I wish this wasn’t happening right before break as I know you’re prone to worry. 

Just try and enjoy your week off, alright?

We’ll fix this.

Allyssa Wakefield  
Professor, Religious Studies  
Old Guard College

\---

From: renzodigenova04@gmail.com  
To: nicolodigenova@ogc.edu  
Date: Mar 16, 2019, 3:02 AM  
Subject: no subject

I don’t think I have your phone number… at least not your American one. So email it is.

Mom and Dad are freaking out.  
They’re talking about trying to make you come home.  
I’m not sure what's going on… or what you did, but I thought I should warn you.

Renzo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Obviously that email from Renzo would be in Italian… I just wasn’t going to write it out in Italian only to translate it back to English lol
> 
> Titles are always the last thing I come up with, so I often have joke titles for all my chapters/fics while I’m writing them. This chapter was called “The sexual tension between you and the hot guy trying to give you archery lessons.” idk... I thought it was funny.
> 
> Me, still not wanting to deal with the fact that I don’t know if Keane is his last or first name: How do I write this form? Wait- I’VE GOT IT!
> 
> I have updated the tags on this fic, added a couple that will become relevant in the next chapter so double check those <3


	11. ...I Can Feel It Pulling Me Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe was two thousand percent sure something was wrong. From the moment Nicky got out of the car and he saw the deep bags under Nicky’s eyes, Joe knew something was off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Drawing your attention to that last tag above <3*
> 
> My tumblr is [scimitar-and-longsword,](https://scimitar-and-longsword.tumblr.com/) if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3
> 
> Beta read by [Isa](https://yogurtfordinner.tumblr.com/)

**An Interlude**

| Nicky 💙 |

_Saturday 10:43 AM  
_ _I’m being interrogated_

 _Saturday 11:25 AM  
_ _It’s fine though because the subject  
_ _is you and I don’t normally have  
_ _this captive of an audience_

 _Saturday 12:36 PM  
_ _If you were me I’d ask if you fell  
_ _asleep but since you aren’t me  
_ _I’m a little worried someone  
_ _has stolen your phone_

 _Saturday 1:12 PM  
_ _Sorry.  
_ _I got distracted.  
_ _How was the drive?_

 _Saturday 2:03 PM  
_ _It was good, I only just got away  
_ _from my parents to unpack_

_More interrogating?_

_Some. But mostly just  
_ _them smothering me_

  
  


| Nile Freeman |

_Tuesday 12:31 PM  
_ _Two things.  
_ _Can I borrow your car this weekend?_

 _What for?  
_ _I mean, sure, I don’t think I’ll need it_

 _Tuesday 12:37 PM  
_ _What’s the second thing?_

 _Tuesday 12:40 PM  
_ _It’s complicated.  
_ _Can I come over?_

| Nicky 💙 |

_Thursday 9:45 PM  
_ _I miss you_

 _Me too_ 😫  
_What time will you be here tomorrow?_

_I think about noon?_

_So close, yet so far away._

_Are you free to talk?_

_Yeah, one sec_

_Thursday 10:01 PM  
_ _You can’t say shit like that to me when you  
_ _KNOW my sister is in the next room_

_Because I can’t react!!_

_Fuck.  
_ _Nicky._

 _Are you actually trying to murder me?  
_ _I swear if someone hears me…_

 _Thursday 10:25 PM  
_ _Haha hung up on mid phone sex.  
_ _Should I take that as a  
_ _comment on my performance?_

 _Thursday 10:47 PM_ _  
_ _Miriam knocked on the door  
_ _She 100% heard me btw_

_I’m never gonna live that down_

_And you should absolutely take that  
_ _as a comment on your performance.  
_ _I couldn’t keep from announcing to the  
_ _whole house what I was doing in here.  
_ _10/10  
_ _5 stars  
_ _Highly recommend_

 _Thursday 11:01 PM  
_ _Careful, I’ll get a big head._

 _Oh I’ll give you a big head_ 😏

_Ok. I walked into that one._

_Why am I laughing?  
_ _That was an objectively awful joke._

 _I love making you laugh...  
_ _I wish could hear you_

_Tomorrow._

_Think we’ll be able to keep quiet  
_ _when we’re in the same room?_

_Doubtful_

_I don’t know, I’m sure I can find  
_ _something to bite down on  
_ _...muffle the screams_

 _Oh my god!  
_ _Go to bed or you’re going  
_ _to get yourself caught again._

 _lol fine  
_ _Night 💕_

_Good night_

**Nicky**

That week had been hell. 

Nicky had always struggled with insomnia. It had gotten so bad that when he was 14, his parents had taken him to multiple doctors and psychiatrists trying to get to the bottom of why he spent hours staring at the ceiling every night. They had Nicky try everything from taking lavender baths before going to bed and aromatherapy, to practically every sleep medication on the market. In the end he received a general anxiety diagnosis that was not pursued further as his parents had already found a new part of him to tear apart. 

With the exception of the night Joe told him about Keane, Nicky had slept like a rock with Joe. Spring break and the loss of that warm, solid, weight at his back had set Nicky back years as far as his insomnia went. Sure he had his nights where he couldn’t sleep at all, but he had been averaging a solid five hours a night before Joe showed up.

Now, he was getting maybe three hours a night. He told himself it was because he missed Joe, but he was fully aware that he was lying to himself in a weak effort to keep from completely cracking under the stress. 

After the initial confusion and panic of reading the two ominous emails subsided, it only took Nicky about five minutes to think to check his spam folder. He read the awaiting email in a hurry, eyes widening, stomach turning. Words like _investigation_ and _ethics board_ were filling Nicky’s head so completely he couldn’t really internalize what it said until he read it two more times.

It took two hours for it to dawn on Nicky that his parents would have no way of knowing what was happening with his schooling. It took another thirty minutes of panicking and pacing in his apartment trying to figure out what Renzo could have been referring to for it to click.

Nicky was so used to ignoring any notifications that came from Instagram that he hadn’t really registered the amount of attention the picture he’d posted of Joe kissing him had been getting. He’d tagged Joe, because why wouldn’t he? Joe had tagged him too, so about a quarter of his notifications were new followers, many of them sporting fencing gear in their profile pictures. 

There were a number of likes and comments on the picture, a few people mentioned that Joe had been talking about Nicky in class or practice, which would have sent Nicky’s stomach fluttering if not for the few comments he got in Italian. Well, not _all_ the comments in Italian, one of Nicky’s cousins had just commented a rainbow of heart emojis, and a friend from school had said that Nicky looked happier than he’d ever seen him. The rest, well, the word disappointed had been thrown out more than once. Nicky deleted those comments and tried not to think too hard about them. Most of his contacts back in Italy were family and people he knew from church, so the reaction wasn’t surprising. 

Nicky only wished he had thought through the consequences of posting the picture, as his parents were apparently still trying to figure out how to run his life from halfway around the world. He was 21 and knew they couldn’t actually force him to come home. They could absolutely stop paying his tuition, though Nicky was pretty sure it was too late for that to affect that year. Kicking him out of the apartment was a much more likely and immediate possibility.

All of that was to say nothing about the impending ethics investigation. Nicky was set to go give a statement on the Monday following break. Professor Wakefield had repeatedly assured Nicky that he had nothing to worry about, but he still worried Keane -because who else could be making these claims?- would find a way to make things worse.

Nicky sat up every night turning over the two problems in his mind. And every night he would resolve to tell Joe what was going on. Then morning would come and Joe would text him some dumb joke or call him just to talk and Nicky would feel light and happy, and the need to feel that warmth for a few minutes would override his resolve. He couldn’t break that by dumping all his problems on Joe.

Nicky worried about telling Joe that Keane was the one coming after him. He worried about telling him about his family when he was about to walk into what he was pretty sure was a happy and accepting household. He was worried Joe would feel guilty for things that were beyond his control. Mostly though, he was worried Joe would pity him.

So Thursday night saw him once again tossing and turning and with a set of problems he could do nothing about, only wait to see what would happen. Nicky stared at the ceiling paralyzed by indecision and stress, and felt like he was breaking a promise.

_No secrets._

He’d said that to Joe the first night, after telling him he was bi. And here he was with two major, potentially life altering secrets -one of them absolutely having to do with Joe- and Nicky couldn’t get over his own anxiety long enough to just tell Joe what was happening.

Thursday night came and went. Nicky never slept.

So yes, that week had been hell.

**Joe**

Joe was two thousand percent sure something was wrong. From the moment Nicky got out of the car and he saw the deep bags under Nicky’s eyes, Joe knew something was off.

Nicky had brushed off Joe’s questions with a weak smile and a, _I just didn’t sleep well._ Nicky’s smiles were ever particularly conspicuous, but that one hadn’t reached his eyes. Joe would have started to worry then, but Nicky had pulled him into a tight hug and kissed him breathless. Joe could only think about how right it felt to have Nicky there with him.

The afternoon was a whirlwind of Joe’s sisters pestering Nicky and his parents graciously _not._ Nicky hid whatever was going on really well, answering his family's questions and asking thoughtful ones in return. Nicky slotted into his family's silliness with ease, quiet as he was, Nicky was not shy.

This was when Joe really started to suspect something was off. Nicky was checking his phone every chance he got. Never in a moment that would have been rude, but every time the attention wasn’t on him for more than a moment, he flashed his screen on and off, eyebrows furrowing. It was in those moments that Joe truly saw how exhausted Nicky looked too. He hid it well from his family, but as soon as he didn’t need to be _on_ he would lean heavily into Joe, head resting on his shoulder.

They were able to steal time alone together when Joe insisted on showing Nicky up to his room. Nicky set his backpack on the ground before laying across Joe’s bed, arms behind his head and a small grin barely visible at the corners of his mouth. Joe shook his head and laughed.

“There is a boy in your bed, Yusuf,” Nicky said. His voice was almost normal, with only the faintest hint of sarcasm. “Whatever will your mother say?”

“I’m more worried she’ll replace me with you,” Joe said as he flopped down on his side next to him. “My sisters already like you more than me. Though I suppose that might be because you let Noor talk your ear off about her theater program. I just tune her out at this point.”

“Some of us don’t have vendettas against the arts, Joe,” Nicky said, and turned on his side to face Joe. 

“I am literally going to school for art.”

“And yet I seem to remember you besmirching the good name of ballet.”

“I’m never gonna live that down am I?”

“Never.” Nicky laughed quietly and rolled onto his back again, eyes closed.

Joe felt so warm having Nicky there with him. That week had been lonely, but the feeling had lifted the moment Nicky stepped out of the car.

“I missed you,” Joe breathed. He reached out his and brushed a couple of stray hairs off of Nicky’s forehead. 

Nicky hummed and smiled -eyes still closed- and mumbled a sleepy response that sounded vaguely like _missed you too._ Joe played with Nicky’s hair as he dozed. For once though, Joe couldn’t find it in himself to nap, all he wanted to do was stare at the beautifully relaxed face of his boyfriend as he slept.

Joe had hardly seen Nicky sleep. He was usually still awake when Joe fell asleep and up when Joe finally woke in the morning. It was almost exclusively in the dawn twilight when Joe got up to pray that he saw this perfectly serene picture layed out before him. In the bright afternoon light -not to mention being fully awake- Joe could take the time to study Nicky’s face as he slept.

He’d already drawn Nicky quite a few times before break, and in the week he’d been home every member of his family had caught him sketching Nicky at least once. Miriam stopped asking what he was working on after the tenth time he’d turned his sketchbook toward her to reveal another sketch of Nicky’s eyes, and that had only been Tuesday.

The notebook Joe had been using was sitting in the kitchen, abandoned when Nicky had texted that he was there, so Joe fished an old one out of his nightstand, cracking it open to find a few pages near the back that were unused.

Capturing Nicky’s features was becoming second nature to Joe already. The slope of his nose, his mole barely hidden by a patchy beard, his slightly sunken eyes. Perhaps that was why Joe noticed how much deeper the circles under Nicky’s eyes were as they began to take shape on the page.

As far as Joe knew, Nicky had had a fairly uneventful week. The thought that perhaps Nicky had been sleeping worse without Joe entered his head and left just as quickly. As much as Joe wanted to be a fixture in Nicky’s life -and hoped he would be for as long as Nicky would have him- it seemed silly to think that only two weeks of sleeping in the same bed had made any significant impact on Nicky's sleeping patterns, let alone the absence of him.

Nicky had mentioned more than once that he was not a great sleeper. Just because Joe -who had, on more than one occasion, slept through Booker having way too many people crammed into their tiny dorm freshman year- hadn’t noticed Nicky up in the middle of the night didn’t mean it wasn’t happening. At any rate, Joe was glad Nicky felt comfortable enough to fall asleep on his bed.

Joe filled every available page of the well used notebook over the next two hours as Nicky napped. Mostly with Nicky, though he started sketching out the beginnings of a painting he wanted to do during the second half of the semester, and his mother’s profile in between studies of Nicky’s hands and mouth.

Joe’s heart had nearly seized in his chest when Nicky had sleepily blinked his eyes open at Joe when he gently woke him to go downstairs and help with dinner. He made a mental note to try and wake up before Nicky more often in the future, this was a sight he needed more of in his life.

When they made it downstairs, Joe’s father asked Nicky to help him in the kitchen but when Joe started to follow them, his youngest sister Noor grabbed his hand and pulled him into the living room with Miriam and their mother.

“Alright, what’s wrong with him?” Noor asked as she pulled Joe to sit on the couch between her and their mother.

Joe stared blankly at her for a moment, certainly his family had no clue that something was off, Nicky had been nothing but polite and amiable.

“What-” Joe started before Miriam cut him off.

“I’d like to know too, because there is no way a guy like that would be into you,” Miriam said with a wicked smile.

Joe let out something between a sigh and a laugh.

“Honestly, I have no clue how I got so lucky,” Joe said. He knew he had a stupid grin on his face, but he couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed.

“Aw man,” Noor started, throwing her hands up, exasperated, “I can’t even make fun of that! You’re no fun, I’m going in the kitchen with Baba and Nicky.”

Miriam laughed and followed Noor into the kitchen, leaving Joe with his mother.

“I like this one, Yusuf,” Joe’s mother said once they had left the room. She grinned at him and squeezed his upper arm.

“Me too, mama,” Joe said.

She put an arm around his shoulders and beckoned him to lean into her. Joe had been taller than his mother since he was 14 years old. As an adult he was nearly a foot taller than her, but something about her arms barely wrapping around his shoulders felt like home. Something that, until recently, he had only ever felt with his family.

“He’s uh-” Joe chuckled, not sure why he was continuing to talk, but he couldn't stop. “He’s extremely kind and thoughtful. Gentle too- and smart! Mama he’s so smart. I could listen to him talk for hours. I started teaching him Arabic -only a few things so far- but he’s picking it up so fast.”

“You seem very happy.” His mother squeezed his shoulder once before releasing him to sit back up. “But your words don’t do as much as the way you look at each other when the other isn’t looking. Only a morning with that boy and I can already see how much you care for each other.”

Her eyes sparkled as she beamed at him. He knew there was a lot neither of them were saying. Neither of them mentioned that Nicky was polite and helpful, or how he was genuinely interested in what his sisters had to say instead of brushing them off as annoyances. A stark contrast to the two times Joe had brought Keane home in the two years they’d been together. Neither of them had to said anything though, Joe knew -and his mother did too- that Nicky was different.

“I am very happy for you.”

“I don’t know how this happened so fast, but I think I’m in love with him,” Joe said, he didn’t bother to censor himself like he had been doing all week since he’d called Nicky _ya hayati_ after the archery range date. He knew his mother wouldn’t judge him.

“ _You have a big heart Yusuf_ ,” she said in Arabic, “ _and you have always loved deeply. I’m happy you have found someone you find worthy of that love._ ”

“ _Me too, mama,_ ” Joe said, matching her switch to Arabic. “ _He is worthy of it. He’s- his thoughts make music of the mundane- I don’t know what I’m saying._ ”

His mother laughed, “ _I believe you are very much proving your theory of being in love with him to be true._ ”

The conversation shifted away from Nicky, and they eventually went to the kitchen to join the rest of the family and Nicky.

Dinner was another exercise in watching two Nickys. One effortlessly joking and talking with his family, the other when no one but him was looking, weary and worried. The slope of Nicky’s shoulders was the biggest give away. They sagged slightly every time everyone but Joe wasn’t looking.

By the time they were going to bed Joe couldn’t believe that it was just a coincidence anymore. Nicky was checking his phone practically constantly and the tension in his shoulders had only worsened.

“Are you feeling alright?” Joe asked as he lay in his bed watching Nicky change.

Nicky looked up at Joe and smiled, but once again it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I’m just tired,” Nicky said as he turned off the light. He crawled into bed and snuggled against Joe, “and I missed you.”

Joe wrapped an arm around Nicky and pulled him close, Nicky’s back pressed against his front. He kissed the back of Nicky’s neck, and was about to say he missed him too when Nicky spoke again.

“I don’t want to lie to you,” Nicky whispered. His voice sounded strained, like he was trying to keep a sob locked in his throat.

“What’s wrong?” Joe asked when it became clear Nicky wasn’t going to continue.

Nicky sighed and rolled over to face him. Even in the dim light shining in from the street lamp outside he could see tears gathering in Nicky’s eyes. He opened his mouth and then shut it again.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Joe said and brought his hand up to Nicky’s cheek. He could feel Nicky’s tightly clenched jaw under his palm. “Just don’t tell me you’re fine when you’re obviously not.”

Nicky nodded once and tucked his head against Joe’s chest. 

Joe felt an acute sense of deja vu. This all seemed strangely familiar. He couldn’t help but think back to the night he had told Nicky about Keane. The roles were reversed, but the tension in the air was the same.

They hadn’t slept facing each other like this yet. Even though Joe had both fucked and been fucked by Nicky by that point, it felt oddly intimate. Nicky trembled against his chest and Joe wrapped his arms around Nicky’s shoulders pulling him impossibly closer.

“ _I’m here,_ ” Joe whispered in Arabic, knowing that Nicky couldn’t understand him.

Joe tried to keep his eyes open, but felt them growing heavy almost as soon as Nicky had snuggled back into him. He had to trust that he would wake up if Nicky needed him, and he gave into the pull of sleep and drifted off.

**An Interlude**

| Nile |

 _Saturday 6:24 AM  
_ _Hey  
_ _This is Joe  
_ _Nicky’s boyfriend_

 _Which I’m sure you could  
_ _have guessed from context_

_I got your number from Andy_

_Ah! Sorry!  
_ _The reason I texted...  
_ _Can I ask you a question?_

 _Saturday 8:03 AM  
_ _This can’t be Joe.  
_ _Because the Joe the Nicky has  
_ _been talking about non stop for  
_ _the last 3 weeks is not willingly  
_ _out of bed before 10 am._

 _Technically I was still IN  
_ _bed when I texted you_

 _Hmmmm sure  
_ _So maybe-Joe  
_ _you have a question for me?_

 _Yeah.  
_ _It’s awkward…_

 _I don’t really know if I should  
_ _even be asking you this_

 _If you don’t want to answer  
_ _it then you don’t have to.  
_ _I’m just worried._

 _Joe.  
_ _Just ask me._

 _Sorry.  
_ _Ok.  
_ _Did something happen this week?  
_ _Nicky’s just been acting really strange…_

 _Saturday 8:22 AM  
_ _You know what? nvm  
_ _I’m probably making something out of nothing.  
_ _Sorry I bothered you…_

 _No! You’re not bothering me.  
_ _Just give me a second._

 _Saturday 8:30 AM  
_ _I don’t know what to say...  
_ _You should really talk to Nicky about this._

_I tried_

_Try again.  
_ _It takes a lot for him to open up  
_ _about pretty much everything._

 _k  
_ _Sorry again for putting  
_ _you in a weird position_

 _It’s fine Joe  
_ _don’t worry about it._

 _Saturday 8:47 AM  
_ _To answer your question though: Yes._

**Nicky**

Once again, Nicky lay awake in bed as the hours ticked by. In retrospect, it had probably been naive to hope his sleep schedule would magically fix itself simply because he was back in bed with Joe. It _had_ helped, but only a little. 

Nicky had been able to settle on Friday night, but he had just come off a night of getting no sleep and a week of three-hour nights. Saturday night he was right back to it, but now he was wrapped in the embrace of a reminder of his guilt.

Why didn’t he want to tell Joe what was going on? Why didn’t he want to tell anyone? Nicky didn’t have a good reason. He kept telling himself that it was to save Joe from the stress he was stubbornly bearing on his own, but that obviously wasn’t working. Joe knew something was wrong and Nicky was intimately acquainted with fear of the unknown at that moment. 

Joe had spent most of Saturday watching him carefully. He had tried to hide it, but Nicky still spotted him staring at him with worry in his eyes multiple times throughout the day. Joe didn’t ask him to talk about it again, but Nicky could tell he wanted to. He couldn’t blame him, he would be just as worried if Joe was acting like he was. Every time he tried to bring up the impending ethics board hearing the fact that Keane was involved stopped him.

Bringing up his family was a bit more complex, but embarrassment was a big factor, especially in the face of the loving family Joe had. Not that Nicky resented him; in fact it was more that Nicky didn’t want Joe to think that he resented his happy home life. If anything, Nicky felt extremely lucky to be welcomed into such a tight knit group, if only for two days.

Nicky shifted slightly. He was unable to stop the shiver that overtook his body when Joe pulled him closer in his sleep and nuzzled the back of Nicky’s neck. He felt safe and loved. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Nicky sighed, tried his best to untangle himself from Joe without waking him and sat on the edge of the bed. Joe’s breathing changed from slow and even to more irregular and Nicky knew he was awake. He braced himself for Joe to ask him what was wrong again, determined to answer him that time. Joe didn’t say anything though.

Instead, after a minute or so, Nicky felt a warm, gentle hand on his lower back. They stayed like that for a long time, Joe’s thumb barely moving lightly over Nicky’s skin. Eventually, Joe stirred behind him and sat up against the wall at the head of his bed, that time his hand found its way to Nicky’s shoulder.

Nicky leaned into the point of contact. It was astonishing how much Joe’s presence could calm him. Even as he worried over how to open himself to the man in question, it felt right to be in Joe’s bed- to have his hand steadying him.

The now familiar feeling of fondness welled up in Nicky’s stomach, threatening to overtake him. It warred with his panicking heartbeat, which he could feel in his neck and head. All the while Joe’s hand moved slowly, stroking his arm. If the circumstances had been different Nicky would have almost called the movement absentminded. As it was though, he was sure it was taking all of Joe’s willpower not to say anything.

All at once Nicky was struck by how obvious Joe’s feelings for him were. Even as Nicky knew Joe was worried and stressed for him, he did nothing but offer up whatever comfort he could. Never pushing him too quickly, and as scared as Nicky felt he knew Joe would be there for him, selfless and caring.

If you had asked Nicky before that night how love was supposed to feel, it would not have come close to what he felt in that moment. It was overwhelming and unmistakable, even as he knew he’d been calling it fondness for weeks. He loved Joe. He loved him.

Then Nicky was crying. He wasn’t even sure why. Guilt? Relief? Stress? All of the above?

“Would it be easier if you didn’t have to look at me?” Joe asked. His voice was so quiet Nicky almost didn’t hear him over his ragged breathing.

At first that seemed like an odd thing to try, but the longer he thought about it the more Nicky liked the idea of not worrying about trying to interpret Joe’s reaction to whatever he was able to get out.

“Maybe,” Nicky said, but he didn’t move.

He was still reeling from his revelation. He wasn’t overly forthcoming with his emotions, or even often completely in touch with them himself. He supposed it only made sense for them all to overwhelm him at once.

“Can I hold you?” Joe asked, voice still impossibly quiet and calm. When Nicky finally turned to look at him he could just see Joe’s eyebrows furrowed with worry in the dark.

Nicky nodded and Joe kicked the blanket off him. He coaxed Nicky to sit between his legs, his back leaning against Joe’s chest.

Nicky could feel his heartbeat in his entire body, or maybe it was Joe’s. The dual emotions of panic and love were all consuming. Until- Nicky felt Joe’s hands on his arms, they slowly made their way down his sides and settled around his stomach. Nicky sighed and leaned his head back onto Joe’s shoulder, already feeling calmer.

His propensity to overthink and close himself off had taken too much of his life, and being there with Joe felt right.

He could do this.

He could.

Nicky took a deep breath.

**Joe**

Nicky breathed slowly against him for a minute before he leaned slightly forward so that his head was no longer tilted back onto Joe’s shoulder.

Joe took a deep breath of his own, waiting. Nicky would talk when he was ready.

After a long time Nicky said, “your family really loves you.” His hand found Joe's hand where it was pressed against Nicky’s stomach and laced their fingers together.

Joe gave Nicky’s hand a gentle squeeze, not wanting to interrupt his train of thought as he struggled to piece together what he wanted to say. If Nicky needed time to order his thoughts, Joe could give that to him.

Nicky brought Joe’s hand up to his mouth and kissed it, gently bringing each knuckle to his lips in turn. Joe tightened his arm around Nicky’s waist and leaned his forehead onto Nicky’s shoulder. _I’m here,_ Joe thought, somehow trying to will Nicky to understand his meaning without words, _I’m here, you’re safe._

“I had a girlfriend back home, we dated for a few months at the end of school. My family loved her. I did too- At least, I thought I did. Now I-” Nicky stopped suddenly and let go of Joe’s hand to rake his hands through his hair. He took another deep breath before continuing. “It’s hard to define yourself when you don’t have the words to do it.”

Joe brought his hand up to Nicky’s chest and placed it over his heart, it was beating like a rabbit running from a hound.

“Growing up, I didn’t know bisexuality existed, even once homosexuality was introduced to me as the ultimate sin- it was never something that was talked about. I was taught this was a choice, so when I found myself attracted to a boy on my archery team I pushed it down and focused my energy on a girl from my church. And I thought that proved it. I chose to not be attracted to men. I thought I did anyway.”

Nicky took another shaky breath, his voice had been surprisingly even so far, but Joe could hear the emotion he was keeping at bay in the way his breath caught for a moment on the inhale.

“When people tell you enough that being attracted to someone who’s the same sex as you is a choice and then you find yourself attracted to someone the church deems _correct_ , it messes with your head. I felt like I chose to be straight- as ridiculous as that sounds now. I felt like every crush I didn’t pursue was me triumphing over temptation.”

Nicky shook his head and covered his face with his hands.

“I spent a lot of time being a terrible person. I let my hate for myself spill out onto others.” Nicky laughed, but it was empty and lacked even the faintest hint of levity. “I broke up with my girlfriend two months before I moved here for school. Then I started seeing a boy right before I left. Nothing serious, just a summer fling, but my parents found out.”

“I expected them to yell at me- to kick me out, or cut me off. They just calmly told me that it was a phase and I would realize my absurdity. And I didn’t care enough to worry about it because I might- or I thought I might end up with someone they’d approve of. I had no way of knowing, so why rock the boat? It all came to a head the last time I was home.”

Nicky paused for a moment, he placed his hands on Joe’s legs where they bracketed him. To Joe it felt like he was bracing himself, like you would before going over a cliff, or climbing a hill on a roller coaster.

“Nothing spectacular happened, I just had enough after two years of them refusing to acknowledge half of who I am and I told them as much. I haven’t been home since or spoken to anyone in my family that whole time. Though none of them have tried either. It’s like we’re just ignoring the issue hoping it’ll work itself out.”

“But now I-” Nicky tensed in Joe’s arms for a moment. Then he abruptly turned around on the bed so he was kneeling between Joe’s legs. Nicky stared at him for a long time before continuing, “I’ve fallen in love with you and I can’t-”

“What?” Joe heard himself interject. 

“I know this is the worst possible time for me to say that-”

“What- no it’s not-” Joe stuttered trying to reconcile the warm feeling in his chest with his worry for his boyfriend who was still kneeling in front of him on the bed looking utterly stressed. Nicky gave him a weak smile.

“Nicky-” Joe started but decided he didn’t need to add his words -not right then- and surged forward to crush his lips into Nicky’s.

Nicky leaned into him and braced his hands against Joe’s chest. Joe ran his hands up Nicky’s bare back, letting the buzz of Nicky’s confession fill his mind, and then Nicky pulled back from the kiss. Forcing Joe’s hands to settle on Nicky’s hips.

Joe opened his mouth, unsure of what he was going to say, but Nicky cut him off.

“Let me finish before you say anything,” Nicky said. He stared at his hands where they were still pressed against Joe’s chest. Joe grabbed the one over his heart. 

Joe could feel his heart racing, half from concern for Nicky, half from the thrill of Nicky’s confession. He took a long slow breath, quieting his mind, and focused on Nicky.

“I received an email at the start of break,” Nicky sighed, “well, three emails.”

Nicky froze for a moment before pulling back from Joe and repositioning himself to sit cross legged between Joe’s legs. Joe pulled his feet in so Nicky’s knees slotted under his own.

“One was from my brother- letting me know that my parents were upset and thinking about making me go back to Italy. I am fairly certain they’re mad about the photos of us on Instagram, though my brother didn’t specify, and I didn’t ask. I’m not sure what they think they can force me to do from Italy.”

Nicky paused, he was staring at his hands picking idly at his pants. Joe reached out and took one. Nicky didn’t look up, but he did give Joe’s hand a squeeze before continuing. 

“The other two emails concerned an impending ethics hearing,” Nicky squeezed the bridge of his nose with his free hand before continuing, “I have been accused of Academic Misconduct by another student and need to give a statement on Monday.”

Nicky paused again, this time bringing his eyes up to meet Joe’s, “a statement about my relationship.”

Joe froze, and blinked at Nicky for a moment, the smallest hint of anger beginning to coil in his chest.

“I don’t know for sure who made the complaint, and I don’t suspect they will tell me either. But I believe it’s Keane.” Nicky fell silent, and stared at Joe expectantly. 

For a moment Joe thought that Nicky must have been mistaken, but deep down he knew he wasn’t. Joe didn’t think his opinion of his ex could sink any lower, but dragging Nicky into his bullshit obliterated Joe’s rock bottom, and his opinion of Keane was now in freefall.

“You can talk now,” Nicky’s quiet voice cut through Joe’s contemplation, snapping his attention back to his boyfriend, “I mean- I’m done.”

Nicky was back to looking down at his hands. Joe’s brain was still catching up with the implications of everything Nicky had just said, but the fire in his chest was easy to focus on.

“That selfish piece of shit,” Joe eventually settled on saying. He didn’t try to hide the bite in his words, Keane had gone entirely too far.

Nicky’s head snapped up, his gaze meeting Joe’s. His eyes swam with confusion.

“You’re not-” Nicky started, pausing briefly to find the words he wanted, “you’re not mad at me?”

“At you?” Joe asked, taken aback. “Why on earth would you think I would be upset with you?”

“I don’t know, for keeping this from you all week,” Nicky said, still looking down at his hands.

“No,” Joe said immediately, louder than he should have in the middle of the night. “I’m a little mad at myself for dragging you into this, but- No, I would never be upset at you for something like this.”

Joe saw Nicky’s shoulders relax and he felt his heart break a little knowing that fear of his reaction had caused Nicky stress. He grabbed Nicky by the shoulders and pulled him into his arms. The hug was awkward as they both leaned forward in their seated positions. But Joe needed to feel Nicky against him, and he suspected Nicky did too.

Joe couldn’t believe Keane. What did he even think he could get out of this? Surely, he didn’t think this would make Joe go back to him.

“Fuck Keane. Seriously. He better hope I never see his face again or-” Joe stopped and leaned back from Nicky. He took a deep breath and tried to calm down, this wasn’t the time for letting his anger at Keane bubble over. Joe propped his elbow up on his knee and leaned his face down onto his hand.

He struggled to keep his guilt at bay, this wasn’t his fault, it was Keane’s.

“Well I guess it makes sense why you’ve seemed off all week,” Joe said with a nervous chuckle, “I thought it might just have been the distance.”

“No. I’ve just been stewing on my own and instead of talking to you,” Nicky replied with an equally empty laugh.

“Wait-” Joe gasped, finally replaying the conversation back in his head.

“What?” Nicky asked, startled.

“You said you love me,” Joe said, he couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face.

“I’m so sorry about that,” Nicky said immediately.

“Why?” Joe asked. His smile faltered and for a brief moment he feared Nicky was having second thoughts.

“Because it came out in the middle of me crying and freaking out and not-” Nicky gestured vaguely into the room and sighed, “I don’t know, somewhere romantic like after you win your tournament next week.”

“That would have been extremely romantic,” Joe agreed with a smile. Nicky gave him a small smile, and it finally reached his eyes.

Joe looked at Nicky, the crease in his brow the only thing giving away the residual worry Nicky must have still been feeling. Joe’s resolve to let Nicky speak crumbled, he needed to tell Nicky how much he meant to him.

“Nicky- Nicolò,” Joe said slowly. “I have known I would love you from the first time I saw you. The first smile you gave me as you walked toward me captured my entire being. You grabbed my hand and told me I was distracting, and I resolved to do anything to keep your sharp mind and wit in my life. I sat through an entire ballet for you- and I would do it again- hope to, even. I would do anything for you, Nicky.”

Nicky’s expression was almost unreadable in the dark of Joe’s bedroom, but the outline of his body held none of the tension it had earlier, and unless Joe was imagining things Nicky was leaning forward toward him. He looked like he was holding himself back from tackling Joe into the sheets. Joe decided he had better get out what he was building up to before Nicky cut him off.

“What I’m trying to say,” Joe laughed quietly. He took Nicky’s face in his hands, “is that I love you too.”

Nicky crashed into him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I rewrote this chapter 3 times.  
> sorry for taking so long lol
> 
> I feel very proud of all the ways I am able to skirt around writing ACTUAL smut while still keeping this rated M.
> 
> Only two chapters left!  
> Ethics hearing and and Joe's fencing championship--- in the same week?? *shakes head* only in fan fic kids  
> (not me setting up the climax of HSM in this uni AU...)


	12. I Like the Sound of Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was in this zoned out state that he heard someone say his name.
> 
> “Joe?”
> 
> Joe's whole body tensed up, he knew that voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is [scimitar-and-longsword,](https://scimitar-and-longsword.tumblr.com/) if ya feel like following me there/want to send me a prompt <3
> 
> Beta read by [Isa](https://yogurtfordinner.tumblr.com/)

**Joe**

As had become habit, Joe woke up before Nicky to pray, but unlike normally when he came back into his bedroom Nicky was awake. He was laying on his stomach scrolling through his phone. He gave Joe a sleepy smile.

“Morning,” Joe whispered, as he crawled over Nicky. Nicky turned over to face Joe.

“Good morning.” Nicky smiled and gave Joe a light kiss.

He had seen Nicky awake for all of thirty seconds, but Joe could already tell Nicky was feeling better. There was an ease to his smile, and his body relaxed into Joe’s as they snuggled closer together. A far cry from the Nicky he’d seen the last two days. Joe sighed -relieved- and ran a hand through Nicky’s hair.

“How are you feeling?” Joe asked.

“Better. Still stressed, and feeling like my entire future is in flux, but better.”

Joe nodded and kissed Nicky’s forehead. Nicky shifted and untangled his arms from where they were pinned between their chests. Joe felt Nicky’s hand making its way down his body a split second before Nicky pulled back to look Joe in the eyes.

“A lot better.” Nicky’s already sleep-thick voice was impossibly deep.

Joe jumped and let out a startled laugh when Nicky’s hand found its mark.

“I can tell-” Joe started. His breath hitched and he laughed again, “are you sure you’re up for this?”

He couldn’t deny it felt good, and his body was certainly on board, but his brain was just awake enough to double check with Nicky. After the week Nicky’d had -and the two days Joe’d had- he didn’t want Nicky to feel like he had to do this, like he owed Joe anything.

“Absolutely,” Nicky said. He leaned forward and caught Joe’s bottom lip between his teeth for a moment before continuing, “I distinctly remember someone telling me he’d be able to keep quiet while we were in your room.”

Joe’s breath faltered again and he let out something between a groan and a sigh.

“And I remember you saying that you doubted I could.”

“That’s true. I’d still like to test the theory, I’d be happy to be proven wrong.”

Joe couldn’t say no to that.

\---

The morning passed too quickly.

Old Guard College was just far enough away that he couldn’t see his family every week, but he usually found his way back home for a weekend every month or so. In between visits he was often visited by his family too; most often his sisters decided they wanted to crash at his apartment for the weekend. They were both still in high school, so coming into the city was still novel for them.

Despite the relative ease of living only a two hour drive away, his father always treated him leaving to go back to school like it was a big deal, though. Giving him a big hug, telling him to be good and that he was proud of him. Joe always tried to brush it off with a smile and a thank you, but he really did love that fact that his father insisted on the same thing every time. Especially with the revelation of just how different Nicky’s own family life was the previous night.

Nicky was standing with Joe’s mother and sisters in the morning chill, all four of them creating clouds of fog with their breath. Noor was predictably talking a million miles a minute.

Joe’s father pulled him aside like he always did and gave him a tight, warm hug.

“I had an interesting conversation with your mother last night,” his father said.

“Oh?” Joe asked, pulling out of the hug.

“She seems to think you two have only been together for a few weeks.”

Joe chuckled and put a hand over his eyes.

“No, she’s right-” Joe started. He peaked out from behind his hand to find his father looking at him with an amused smile. “Our first date was three weeks ago on Friday. Is that weird? Should I not have invited him?”

“No, no, no. I was just surprised, you two seem very in sync with each other, how long have you been friends?”

Joe chuckled again, this time pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes.

“I first talked to him three weeks ago on Thursday,” Joe admitted quietly.

Joe jumped when his father let out a bark of a laugh. “Well I suppose when you know, you know.”

Joe could feel his cheeks getting warm. In an effort to feel less embarrassed he looked away from his father. His eyes naturally found Nicky, who was still talking with Noor and somehow managing to get a word or two in. Nicky noticed Joe staring and gave him a warm smile before returning his attention to the conversation.

“It’s uh- it’s been kind of a whirlwind.” Joe struggled to find words that would not make him sound like the love struck puppy that he knew he was. “But there was just this instant connection. We clicked before we even met in person. We had mutual friends who had been trying to get us to meet for weeks and Nicky finally messaged me to get them off our backs. We’ve spent every moment we can together since that first date. I honestly don’t think I’ve spent more than a few hours away from him until coming home this week. I already feel like he’s always been there- I missed falling asleep with him this week after only two weeks of doing so. I don’t know- Nicky just feels right.”

Joe’s mouth ran away with him, as it was wont to do. He realized once he stopped to take a breath that he had failed spectacularly at the whole _not sounding like a love struck puppy_ thing, and horrifyingly that he had just inadvertently told his father that he had been having sex with Nicky since the first night he knew him. Joe’s cheeks grew warmer and he was sure the blush was so deep that it had to be visible.

His father’s expression was something between horrified and amused, but Joe was pretty sure it was mostly amused.

“Baba- I-” Joe stuttered, but his brain couldn’t find a way to salvage the hole he’d dug himself in.

“It’s alright, Yusuf. You’re a grown man- a good man, and Nicky seems like a good man too.”

His father said the customary, _I love you, be good, I’m proud of you,_ and gave Joe another tight hug. All the while trying to his best to hide the fact that he was trying not to laugh.

Joe felt mortified, but somewhere in the back of his mind he was grateful he could be as open with his family as I was. Once again, his mind lingered on Nicky’s family for a moment. He wasn’t sure how anyone could push Nicky away like they were trying to.

There was another quick round of hugs, and a few kisses from his mother. She even gave Nicky one, who blushed as he thanked her for hosting him.

Joe followed Nicky to the car. He grabbed Nicky’s wrist when he reached for the driver side door.

“There is no way I’m letting you drive.”

“What? Why?”

“You spent the last week getting next to no sleep. Frankly, I’m surprised you made it here without crashing.”

“I’ve slept pretty well the last two nights.”

“Alright, fine. Well, I don’t get to drive often and I’d like to.”

“You are such a liar,” Nicky said, trying to hide the amusement in his voice.

“A liar you love,” Joe said. He crowded Nicky back into the car, placing his hands on the car on either side of Nicky’s shoulders.

Nicky laughed and slid the keys into Joe’s pocket. Joe leaned forward slowly, delighting in the way Nicky’s breath stuttered just before Joe kissed him.

“Gross!” Noor’s voice rang out from behind them.

“Yeah, get in the car, it’s cold out here and I want to go back inside,” Miriam called out.

“No one is stopping you,” Joe yelled over his shoulder. His hands were beginning to hurt from the cold of the car, and he pushed back from Nicky whose cheeks were flushing red again.

That was the first time he’d kissed Nicky in front of his family. Partly because he liked to make his sisters squirm, and partly because he liked the idea of people knowing they were together, but mostly because he loved Nicky, Joe kissed his boyfriend again. Noor groaned, Miriam mumbled _seriously,_ and his father laughed. Nicky smiled up at Joe before ducking out of his arms and jogging around the car to sit in the passenger seat.

\---

Joe knew Nicky was exhausted before they were driving, but this was entirely new. Nicky had told Joe on multiple occasions that he didn’t -or couldn’t- sleep during the day. Yet he had witnessed Nicky nap every day for the last three days. He was out like a light before they had reached the highway. Joe didn’t get the impression that Nicky was the type of person to over exaggerate, so he let Nicky sleep and drove in silence.

Nicky woke up about an hour into the drive when Joe stopped for gas.

“Thank you,” Nicky said as Joe started the car.

“For what?”

“Letting me sleep.”

“Nicky, I could watch you sleep for days and not get bored.”

“I’d hope you were watching the road.”

“Metaphorically watch you,” Joe said as he pulled back onto the highway. He tossed Nicky a wink and added, “and glance over at you every few minutes.” 

They drove in silence for a while. Nicky had his phone out. He checked it every few minutes, and sighed each time he apparently had no news.

“We’ll be losing service soon,” Joe said.

“Hmm?”

“We’ll be losing service here in a few minutes, this part of the mountain is notorious for it. I thought you might appreciate being prepared for that.”

“Sorry,” Nicky sighed and put his phone up on the dashboard. “I know I’ve got no reason to believe I’ll get any news about the hearing on a Sunday.”

He paused for a moment.

“I keep expecting to see another email from my brother. Or worse, my parents. I mostly know what to expect with the ethics hearing, and while I can’t help but worry about it, I’m fairly confident it will turn out alright. My family, on the other hand?” Nicky shifted in his seat and grabbed his phone off the dashboard. “Them, I’m a lot more worried about. I have no frame of reference as to how they’ll take this seeing as they’ve never really reacted before. And you were right- I’ve just lost service.”

He tossed his phone back onto the dashboard with a frustrated groan. Joe reached out and rubbed Nicky’s thigh.

“I have absolutely nothing to base this on, but everything will be okay,” Joe said.

Joe saw Nicky nod out of the corner of his eye.

“I suppose I just feel helpless right now. Like there is nothing I can do. I feel like I should be doing something, anything to prepare for giving my statement tomorrow, but I don’t really know what to expect.” Nicky grabbed Joe’s hand and threaded their fingers together, “I have no idea what my parents are capable of, or if they’re even thinking about doing anything. That problem I feel even less equipped to handle.”

“I’m sorry-” Joe started. He really did need to stop apologizing so much for things that were beyond his control, “I wish I could do more to help.”

“You’re already helping more than you know,” Nicky said. He squeezed Joe’s hand and kissed the back of it. “Last week was really hard, I don’t know why I tried to do it without you.”

“To be fair, I don’t think anyone would expect you to lean on someone you’ve only been dating for three weeks.”

“It is strange, isn’t it? How quickly this has happened,” Nicky paused for a moment, his thumb stroking the back of Joe’s hand. “I mean- I’ve never felt like this about anyone- I’m not alone in that am I?”

“No- No, you’re not alone.” Joe couldn’t help but crack a smile, “I wasn’t just throwing around words when I said I love you last night. I love you Nicky. I love you so much it’s distracting. I feel this heat in my chest every time I think about you- which is practically constantly. I feel like I have an itch under my skin that is only sated when you’re touching me. It doesn’t feel real- that it hasn’t even been a month- I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. At the same time every new thing I learn about you deepens the way I feel. I feel like I’m wandering the desert when I’m not with you- dying of thirst or- I don’t know. Every moment I spend with you feels like heaven.”

Joe finished talking and he could feel Nicky’s eyes on him. He wanted to look at him, to pull him into his lap and kiss him into oblivion. For a moment Joe was sure he’d said too much, especially when Nicky let go of his hand.

“What-” Joe started.

“Don’t crash,” Nicky said, his voice was low and quiet.

Joe nodded, not really sure what Nicky was about to do, but he had no intention of crashing the car.

Nicky unbuckled his seatbelt, leaned across the center console of the car, and kissed Joe on the cheek. Joe smiled and felt the familiar warmth in his chest. Nicky didn’t pull back though, he brought his lips to Joe’s ear and nipped lightly at the lobe. Joe shivered, and Nicky kissed behind his ear, then his neck before bringing his mouth back to Joe’s ear.

“I love you too,” Nicky whispered. Joe took one long shaky breath as Nicky settled back in his seat.

“What gives you the right to be so fucking sexy?” Joe asked once his heart began to beat normally again.

“You give me too much credit, I think I might just have an easy target.”

“Ha! I may be hopelessly in love with you, Nicolò di Genova, but I am pretty sure you could bring anyone to their knees with what you just did.”

“Well then, I suppose good job for not crashing.”

“It was a herculean effort, thank you.”

\---

The rest of the day consisted almost exclusively of Joe trying his best to distract Nicky. They ended up back at Joe’s studio after dropping off Nile’s car.

He drew Nicky while they watched a movie on Joe’s laptop, which of course he fell asleep near the end of. Joe contemplated waking him up at first, worried that all the sleeping during the day would make it even harder for him to sleep that night, but decided against it. There was no guarantee Nicky would sleep at all that night, so it was better to let him take what sleep he could in the moment.

Joe busied himself with unpacking, and eventually cooking dinner. He didn’t have much, having been gone all week, but there were still a few non perishable things left from the when Nicky had brought groceries over before break.

He settled on chicken and rice soup. It was missing a few of the vegetables that he normally would have put in, but Joe still felt like it came together nicely.

Nicky hardly stirred the whole time Joe was cooking, even when he dropped an unopened can of chicken broth on the ground. Joe was spooning the finished soup into two bowls when he heard Nicky groan behind him. A moment later Nicky was wrapping his arms around Joe’s waist and nuzzling his face into the back of Joe’s shoulder.

“You hungry?”

“That smells good,” Nicky said sleepily into Joe’s shoulder.

“That’s not an answer but thank you.” 

Joe turned around and handed Nicky a bowl. Nicky smirked and shook his head fondly, as he leaned up against the counter, letting his eyes drift closed.

Joe didn’t have a table in his studio. He had a desk, a bed and a few bookshelves. Before Nicky he mostly ate in bed or at his desk. Over the last few weeks they had mostly eaten standing in the kitchen when they were at Joe’s place. It hadn’t bothered Joe, mostly because he wasn’t even sure how he’d fit a table in his tiny apartment, but Nicky looked like he was going to fall over.

“You should sit down.”

“Where?” Nicky deadpanned.

“One second,” Joe said, moving a few books from his desk to the floor.

They ate in relative silence, broken only by Nicky’s occasional moans when he took a spoonful of soup. Joe leaned against the counter, watching Nicky struggle to keep his eyes open as he sat at the desk slowly eating.

“That was delicious,” Nicky eventually said. He leaned his head down on the desk so that he could still see Joe from where it was pillowed on his arms.

“I think you severely sleep deprived, and the only proof I need is you complimenting my cooking.”

“I’ve complimented your cooking before.”

“And you were full of shit then too.”

The evening wound down pretty quickly after dinner. It was still early when Nicky crawled back in Joe’s bed and fell asleep again. Joe knew Nicky had set an alarm for his 8:30 AM appointment to give his statement, Joe still set three more than he needed to for his morning prayers- just in case.

When Joe finally felt like he couldn’t stall going to bed any longer he crawled in next to Nicky. He woke briefly, but only to turn over and drape himself over Joe’s chest, and he was out again in minutes. Joe wasn’t far behind.

**Nicky**

Nicky jolted awake when Joe’s alarm went off for his morning prayers. He’d been getting used to sleeping through the daily disturbance, but of course that morning his nerves were ready to snap from the moment he opened his eyes. At least he hadn’t spent the whole night worrying- in fact he was pretty sure he had slept something close to ten hours.

Nicky asked Joe to shower with him after his prayers. He said a small prayer of thanks himself when Joe somehow knew that Nicky only wanted the company rather than to start something. Joe immediately grabbed the shampoo and washed Nicky’s hair. He eventually moved on to Nicky’s torso and finally his legs, kneeling in front of Nicky as he washed him. It was intimate and comforting in just the right way.

After showering, they made French toast together. Well, Joe did most of the work but Nicky whisked eggs distractedly and then watched Joe cook. He wasn’t really sure how he got ready and out of the door on time, though he was pretty sure it was mostly Joe’s doing.

The walk to the administration building where Nicky was set to give his statement was silent. Joe kept his arm tightly around Nicky’s shoulders the whole way, and when they arrived outside the building he didn’t pull away. 

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Joe asked.

“No,” Nicky said immediately. “I’ll be alright. Besides, you have a class-”

“I could skip.”

“And do what? Sit outside the room and wait for me?” Nicky asked. He shook his head. “No. I’ll be fine.”

“Well-” Joe said slowly. “Good luck. I’m sure it will go smoothly and you’ll feel better as soon as it’s over.”

“I’ll see you tonight,” Nicky said, dreading the way their schedules didn’t match up on Mondays.

“Say the word and I’ll skip or leave whatever class I’m in if you need me,” Joe said. He kissed Nicky, hugged him tightly, and then started to walk toward his first class. “Except for fencing practice tonight, I think coach might kill me if I skipped,” he called over his shoulder with a grin.

“Oh, get out of here,” Nicky said, appreciating Joe’s attempt at lifting the mood, “I’ll be fine.”

Nicky looked at the administration building, one he’d been in before on multiple occasions. It suddenly seemed large and unfamiliar looming in front of him. He glanced back at Joe who had not yet turned the corner and vanished from sight. He would be fine, it was one simple meeting, and all he had to do was tell the truth.

He made his way up to the second floor room where his email had told him to go. He checked his phone, he was five minutes early for the meeting. He pushed the door open to find himself in a lobby, with a single receptionist who asked for his name and told him they were just finishing up and would be with him shortly. Nicky didn’t even think to wonder what they were finishing up with until the door opened and Nicky was staring at Keane.

**Joe**

Joe made it to the corner before turning around again. Nicky was already inside. Joe knew he would be fine, and if he wasn’t they would deal with that after. Without Nicky to focus on however Joe didn’t have anything distracting him from the fact that this was all happening because of his asshole ex boyfriend.

He exhaled harshly and stopped walking. Nicky might not have needed him to skip class, but he didn’t think he could concentrate knowing what was happening a few buildings away.

Joe found a bench and sat down. Maybe he should just go home, call the day a wash and rest. His coach would be happy if he used the time to work out or work on drills. He could go for a run, work out some of the restless energy.

Instead Joe pulled out his phone and started scrolling through various social media apps, not really taking in any of what he saw, opening each one for a minute or so before moving on to another, only to make his way back to the beginning a few minutes later.

It was in this zoned out state that he heard someone say his name.

“Joe?”

Joe's whole body tensed up, he knew that voice.

“Are you waiting for someone?”

Joe looked up to find Keane standing in over him. For a split second Joe’s legs seemed to want to run before his brain caught up with what was happening. He stood and froze.

“What are you doing here?” Keane asked.

He obviously thought Joe hadn’t heard him. Which wasn’t far from the truth as Joe was still trying to process what was happening.

“I do go to school here too, you know,” Joe bit out. His tone surprised himself, and it obviously surprised Keane, who took a step back.

“Right- of course.”

Joe felt panic start to grip his chest. He needed to get out there, he wasn’t ready to face Keane.

“I’m sorry for how things ended,” Keane said, taking a step toward Joe.

Joe took a reflexive step backwards.

“Are you joking?” Joe heard himself ask.

“I think about that night a lot, I don’t know why I did that.”

“That night? The party?” Joe asked. The panic in his chest started to be overtaken by a growing anger. He scoffed and shook his head, this was ridiculous, “Okay, now I know you have to be fucking joking.”

“Of course I’m not joking,” Keane said, all the sincerity disappeared from his voice. “What do you want me to say?”

“Honestly? There’s nothing you could say to me that could change the- the- fuck!” Joe stuttered, angry at himself for not being able to think of what to say. The part of him that had spent the last seven months in therapy was fighting with the part that had spent two years being controlled by the person in front of him.

“Joe-”

“No. For once shut up and give me a second to fucking think!”

Joe took a deep breath and another step back from Keane. Keane didn’t try to talk again, but his eyes narrowed slightly. If there had ever been a small part of Joe that thought maybe Keane could change it evaporated with him standing there. The cold stare he was giving him was exactly as harsh as Joe remembered. Keane couldn’t -or wouldn’t- change, no matter how many empty apologies he gave Joe.

“It’s obvious you don’t think the way you treated me was wrong,” Joe said, the panic was all but gone, “but even if you did, it wouldn’t change the fact that you made my life hell for two years! And that’s not even bringing up the fact that you message me constantly, and now that I finally found someone who actually loves me you’re trying to fuck that up too? I don’t understand you.”

“Well you never blocked me, so how was I supposed to know you didn’t want to be connected?”

Joe pulled out his phone and opened up Keane’s profile. He turned the screen toward Keane as he clicked block. “There. Happy?”

“No.” Keane shifted from one foot to the other. “I’m not trying to fuck with your relationship.”

“Could have fooled me.” Joe didn’t believe him for a second.

“Joe, I just-”

“Jesus- Keane, shut up!” Joe yelled. “I don’t know how much clearer I can make it that I don’t want to see or hear from you ever again.”

“Yusuf, I just mi-”

“If you say you miss me I’m going to punch you in the face.”

Keane snapped his mouth shut and crossed his arms. A long moment passed where they just stared at each other before Keane spoke again.

“How is that fair? Why do you get to yell at me while I just have to stand and take it?”

Joe couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of him saying that. Joe put as much vitriol as he could into what he said next.

“It sucks, doesn’t it?”

He snatched his bag off the ground and left Keane standing there, staring at the back of his head as he walked toward a class that he suddenly seemed a lot more interested in attending.

**An Interlude**

| Yusuf “Joe” al-Kaysani |

_Monday 9:37 AM  
_ _Done._

_How did it go?_

_Not as bad as I expected.  
_ _They said I should get an email  
_ _by the end of the week.  
_ _Monday at the latest._

 _So only one more week of stress?  
_ _That’s good, right?  
_ _I mean it will suck having to wait  
_ _around to hear back but at least  
_ _your part is over._

 _9:43 AM  
_ _I saw Keane.  
_ _At the hearing.  
_ _He was on his way out._

 _Funny you should mention him.  
_ _He found me sitting outside the building._

 _Did he say anything to you?  
_ _I swear to god if he did anything…_

 _Well  
_ _He did talk to me.  
_ _Mostly I yelled at him._

 _This might be an obviously stupid  
_ _question but are you ok?_

 _Ummmm  
_ _I think so?_

_Where are you?_

_Sitting outside the art building  
_ _waiting for my figure drawing  
_ _class in an hour._

_Want some company while you wait?_

_Don’t you have a class right now?_

_Lol… normally, yes.  
_ _I’m not allowed to attend lecture  
_ _since I’m currently under an  
_ _ethics investigation regarding  
_ _that class, remember?_

 _We’re having a really smooth  
_ _first day back, aren’t we?_

 _I don’t know what you’re talking about.  
_ _I spend every Monday having to give a  
_ _panel of strangers copies of personal  
_ _texts to “establish a timeline”_

_Regardless, I really don’t think I would  
_ _want to be in the same room as  
_ _Keane right now anyway._

_It wouldn’t be safe for him._

_I threatened to punch him._

_And I’m pretty sure I would  
_ _have too, if it had come to it._

_Yeah..._

_I’m coming to get you.  
_ _I think we both deserve  
_ _to play hooky today._

 _Honestly, that sounds  
_ _fucking amazing Nicky._

 _9:58 AM  
_ _I love you_

_I love you too_

_I can see the art building, I’ll  
_ _meet you out front in two minutes._

  
  


**Nicky**

Nicky had never _-never-_ skipped class before. He had gone to school sick more times than he could count. He’d spent so much of his life feeling guilty for things he couldn’t control that it seemed counterintuitive to add guilt to the pile when he didn’t have to.

Skipping class with Joe was anything but guilt inducing. In fact, it felt amazing.

Now that Nicky wasn’t dreading having to give his statement anymore, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Whatever came of the investigation, it was out of his hands.

They went back to Nicky’s apartment, mostly because Joe had left his fencing gear there, and Nicky hadn’t been home since they got back the previous day. Truth be told they spent most of their time at Joe’s studio. It was smaller and not nearly as nice as Nicky’s parents’ apartment, but it was also cozier, and Nicky was starting to hate the cold empty rooms that he never used in his parent’s apartment.

Nicky felt better than he had since before he’d received the emails. Not only was he choosing to completely ignore them at that moment, but he finally felt like he could enjoy Joe being back. Saying I love you every chance he got was a nice bonus.

The walk to Nicky’s apartment had started with an awkward air. They were both trying to gauge the other’s mood, not wanting to overstep given they had both had rather harrowing mornings. Then Joe’s hand had brushed up against Nicky’s, Nicky had snaked an arm around Joe’s waist and ‘accidentally’ let his thumb slip under Joe’s shirt. By the time they made it to Nicky’s front door it was extremely obvious where things were heading.

They entered the apartment with energy more akin to a drunken date night, not 10:30 AM on a Monday. Something felt exceedingly energetic between the two of them. Joe was taking off his shirt and walking into the bedroom before Nicky even had the chance to lock the door. He had hoped to push him up against the door and kiss him, but he couldn’t fault Joe for skipping a few steps ahead in Nicky’s plan.

\---

That night Joe walked in covered in sweat, looking like a god- or a porn star- or- Nicky wasn’t completely sure on the analogy he liked best, but the point was he couldn’t take his eyes off Joe as he moved around Nicky’s bedroom slowly taking off sweaty clothes, the book he had been reading forgotten on his lap.

“How was practice?” Nicky asked.

“Exhausting, but fun,” Joe said. He leaned down and gave Nicky a kiss, before continuing to shed sweaty clothing. “I can’t believe I only have two left before the championship, and then it’s over.”

“How’re you feeling about that?”

“Scared- numb- I don’t know. Strangely excited? I haven’t really had the chance to think about it. I’ve been ‘Joe the fencer’ since I was a kid. I don’t know who I’ll be anymore.”

“You’ll still be a fencer after Saturday. You just won’t be a college fencer anymore.”

Joe gave Nicky a small smile, but Nicky could tell he wanted to change the subject so he didn’t press any further. He finished stripping down to his underwear and tossed the pile of sweaty clothing at the hamper.

He walked just close enough for Nicky to grab his wrist. He tried to pull Joe in for another kiss, but he held up a finger and said, “hold that thought,” before disappearing into the bathroom. Nicky heard the shower turn on. 

Joe reappeared in the bathroom doorway a minute later. He grasped the doorframe and leaned into the bedroom with a sly grin on his face. Nicky would have found it cute if Joe hadn’t come back completely naked. Instead Nicky was trying to figure out how he could casually bring up wanting to join him when Joe beat him to it.

“I know we just showered together this morning-” Joe started. He cut himself off with a loud laugh when Nicky practically jumped out of bed, already taking off his shirt.

\---

Nicky could almost believe that that week was normal. He and Joe fell back into the pattern -if you could call something happening for three weeks a pattern- of going to class and meeting up when they could during the day, and spending their nights blissfully wrapped up in each other. 

Nicky was even able to mostly ignore the fact that he might be losing his family and dream career in the same week. Or at least he had plenty to distract him. Nicky was pretty sure Joe was ignoring his own anxiety around Keane and fencing in the same way. Namely by having lots of amazing sex.

When they weren’t in class or chasing each other's orgasms, they found time to finally make a few proper introductions. Nicky had technically met Booker before he met Joe, and Joe had met Nile when they dropped off her car, not to mention having been at a party at Nile’s house when he’d broken up with Keane. Still, they had sort of neglected their friends ever since they’d started dating. Nearly four weeks had gone by, and they both felt the need to start emerging from their sex bubble- if only for one meal at a time. 

Wednesday they had lunch with Booker, who Nicky still felt was a little crass. By the end of lunch though, he had to agree with Niles' assessment that Booker grew on you.

Thursday they finally had breakfast with Nile. Luckily there were no panic attacks to deal with that time. Joe and Nile hit it off immediately, bonding over their love of art and compared notes of which classes they liked, and wondered how they had never taken any together. Nicky would have made a joke about being a third wheel if the other topic they seemed determined to bond over was a love of Nicky. Which consisted of -much to Nicky’s chagrin- a lot of lovingly roasting him. Nicky couldn’t complain though- his two favorite people in the world were becoming friends in front of his eyes. It felt amazing.

Friday was the first time since Monday that Nicky really let himself start to worry about things again. He still had had no word from anyone. He even broke down on Friday afternoon and responded to his brother’s email, simply thanking him and asking if there was any news.

The panic started to set back in when the work day came and went on Friday and he still hadn’t heard anything about the ethics hearing. Professor Wakefield confirmed she hadn’t heard anything either, and once again told Nicky not to worry.

Joe was having his own anxieties about the fencing tournament, and they decided to go to bed early. Nicky -despite having slept well the entire week- couldn’t get his mind to quiet down.

“Do you feel like we’re pushing our luck?” Nicky asked an hour after they had gone to bed. He was staring at the ceiling, Joe curled into his side, his head on Nicky’s chest.

“What?” Joe said after a moment. His voice was thick with sleep. Nicky felt bad about waking him. He hadn’t even really meant to ask the question out loud. 

“Are we pushing our luck? Tempting fate? I just- I feel like the universe doesn’t want me to be happy.”

Joe propped himself up on one elbow, and shook his head slowly, trying to wake up. A minute passed before he spoke.

“Your family is not the universe, Nicky. Neither is Keane,” Joe said slowly, like he was choosing his words very carefully. “They are two very small parts of it who just happened to have decided to try and fuck with you at the same time.”

Nicky nodded to himself. Logically he knew Joe was right, he didn’t even know why his anxiety had picked that night to act up as opposed to every other night that week. Joe paused a moment, like he was waiting for Nicky to respond before continuing.

“You don’t need to feel guilty for being happy. You deserve to be adored. You deserve someone who loves you.”

“ _You_ love me,” Nicky said like it was a fact, because it was.

“I do. I love you so much, Nicky.” Joe said. He kissed Nicky’s shoulder before continuing. “And even if the worst happens, that won’t change. Even if you get kicked out of school- which you won’t. Even if things don’t work out with your family. I’ll still love you just as much as I do right now. More in fact- every morning I wake up next to you I fall a little more in love. That won’t change.”

Nicky nodded again, and smiled into the darkness even though he knew no one would see it.

“C’mere.” Joe mumbled, pulling Nicky with him as he rolled onto his back. He ended up with his head on Joe’s chest, a mirror image of the position they had just been in.

“I’m going to say something really cheesy, so don’t laugh at me.”

Nicky nodded his agreement.

“Do you feel my heartbeat?” Joe asked.

Nicky nodded again and Joe kept going.

“For months after things ended with Keane I wasn’t sure I would ever find someone who made me feel like he did.”

Nicky scoffed without meaning to, and hastily whispered, “sorry.”

“No, it’s fine- that’s the point, though. I thought whatever toxic thing we had -the parts that felt good at least- was what love felt like. Like I had to accept all the bad because I liked the feeling of being loved by him.”

Joe paused and kissed the top of Nicky’s head. Nicky was breathing as slow as he possibly could, focusing on Joe’s heartbeat and the low vibrations of his voice through his chest as he talked.

“I was so fucking wrong. I mean- I knew I was wrong about that long before I met you. But I don’t think I really understood how good love could feel until I met you.” Joe kissed Nicky’s head again, and wrapped his arms tightly around his shoulders, “and I know we’re probably still in our honeymoon phase or whatever and that things might not always be this intense, but I never could have imagined feeling this way about anyone. You make me feel safe. You make me feel like I feel when I’m home. I’ve never had that outside of my family. Nothing, no one, ever -not Keane, not anyone- has made my heart beat faster than you do.”

Nicky couldn’t help the grin on his face, and he snuggled into Joe’s arms, hiding his face against Joe’s chest. He felt self conscious at the declaration, even though he knew there was no need.

“If the universe doesn't want us to be happy it’s doing a really shit job of it,” Joe finished talking and gave Nicky another tight hug.

“You’re right, that was extremely cheesy.” Nicky said. He tilted his head up to press a soft kiss against Joe’s lips, before laying his head back down on his chest. “I loved it. I love you. Please keep saying cheesy things to me forever.”

“Forever?” Joe asked. Nicky could hear his smile in his voice.

“Forever. I’m just tired enough not to care about it being too soon for me to say things like that.”

“I like the sound of forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nicky thinking he doesn’t deserve to be happy?? Good thing Joe is a romantic at heart and is good at finding the right thing to say.  
> (Paolo???? How did you get in here? Might be the fact that I’ve watched Il Padre d’Italia 5 times in the last week and a half. Who’s to say?)
> 
> Only one more chapter!!!?? [How will this all resolve itself??](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oci1CuCht7E)


	13. I Wanna Share Your Address

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching Joe fence was unreal. Nicky had spent an embarrassing amount of time when he wasn’t with Joe over the last month scrolling though his Instagram and staring at photos of him fencing. Nile had even found a video of Joe fencing which Nicky was ashamed to admit he had watched quite a few times. Seeing him live and in person though? That was something else. Nicky may not have 100% understood the rules, but he definitely loved to watch Joe move. He would have to do a lot more research before next time though, as he hated feeling as lost as he did. No matter what Joe said, Nicky knew this would not be the last time Joe would compete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta read, as always by [Isa](https://yogurtfordinner.tumblr.com/) <3
> 
> Special thanks to avelera, minsharaclass and destatidestati over on tumblr for being bad ass fencers who were willing to look over some of the fencing bits! (Even though I still did a few less-than-realistic things just for the *drama* lol)

**Nicky**

That morning was a bit of a mad dash. There was a surprising amount of stuff one needed to go to a fencing tournament, apparently. Nicky suspected that Joe was simultaneously stalling and panicking each time he had to run back into his apartment and grab whatever small item he had ‘forgotten.’

Quynh pulled up in front of Joe’s nondescript building, driving Andy’s death trap of a car. Andy was lounging in the passenger seat wearing one of Quynh’s hoodies and sunglasses despite the overcast skies.

Joe put his fencing bag in the trunk while Nicky got in the back.

“Who’s ready to get some Olympics buzz?” Quynh sang out as Joe got in and shut the door. He didn’t answer her as he slid across the seat.

Nicky draped an arm around Joe, who leaned into the touch. Joe looked washed out, like he was going to be sick.

“You look green around the gills, Joe,” Andy said, twisting around in her seat to face them in the back.

“I’ll try not to puke on you,” Joe deadpanned. He obviously noticed Nicky’s look of concern because a moment later he added, “I’m fine, just nervous.”

“Yeah, don’t worry Nico,” Quynh said as she pulled away from the curb. “Joe’s always like this on tournament days. I get loud- well, louder, and Joe gets all stoic and broody. It’s how we deal.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Andy added. Nicky didn’t miss the way Joe winced at that. Andy held out a box of pastries to Nicky, “the baklava is mine, but other than that take whatever you want.”

The drive to the arena where the championship was being held took a little over an hour. They were lucky it was being held at another university on the other side of the city and not in another state, otherwise Andy and Nicky might not have been able to make it.

They made it to the arena early. Most of the people there were involved in some way with the championship, though as Nicky looked around the space he could see a few people who looked as out of place as he felt. Other significant others and friends, a few parents.

Joe and Quynh were pulled away to go check in with their coach while Nicky and Andy found seats near where the OGC fencing team was congregating. Just far enough away to not be able to hear anything being said, but close enough for Joe to wink at Nicky before turning to pay attention to the coach.

“So you two seem to be getting along alright,” Andy said after they had been seated watching the coach talk for a few minutes.

Nicky laughed and shook his head. He’d known Andy long enough to recognize the subtle sarcasm in her voice.

“Just say I told you so and get it over with,” Nicky said, still looking at the backs of Joe and Quynh’s heads.

Andy threw her head back and laughed. Quynh obviously recognized the sound of her girlfriend and shot a smile over her shoulder at Andy before turning her attention back to her coach. Joe didn’t even flinch.

“I wasn’t going to. Though I did- I told you so,” Andy pushed into the side of Nicky’s arm with her shoulder. “I just wanted to see you happy, both of you.”

“I am happy. He’s a great guy.”

“A great guy? Oh come on Nicky, I know you can do better than that.”

“I’m not Joe, no I can’t,” Nicky said.

“I saw the way you were cuddling in the back seat on the way here. And Joe might be distracted cause he’s nervous, but I didn’t miss the way you were gazing at him for the entire drive. You look at Joe like he’s the center of the universe.”

Nicky felt his cheeks get warm and his stomach tighten. He glanced at Andy -who was smirking at him- before looking back at Joe.

“I don’t know, Andy, I’m no good with words. He’s uh- he’s caring and compassionate,” Nicky paused for a moment trying to gather his ever growing feelings for Joe into coherent words. “I have a lot of fun with him. He’s vibrant- what do you want me to say, Andy? I love him.”

“Huh. I was sure I bet on the dark horse but Quynh actually owes me money.”

“What?”

“She was sure Joe would drop the L word first.”

“Well you’re about a week late on us saying I love you.” Nicky said. He glanced at her and smiled coyly. “I said it first to Joe though, so you still won your bet.”

“Nicky. I’m impressed,” Andy tucked a leg up under her so she could fully face Nicky, and beamed at him. “So. I hear you spent the weekend with Joe’s family-”

“I should really learn to not tell Nile stuff that I don’t want you to know.”

“You should, you really should-” Andy nodded for a moment and then a smile spread across her face, “well, between meeting Joe’s parents, saying _I love you_ and being basically attached at the hip for the last month, I feel like I should be getting a wedding invitation any day now.”

“We haven’t actually talked about-” Nicky started and then clenched his mouth shut and looked back at Joe.

“Whoa. _Whoa_!” Andy said slowly. 

“Wait, no- No, we have not talked about getting married,” Nicky said hastily. “I mean, we have mentioned long term stuff and- um there may have been some conversations about future- uh- things. But not marriage!”

Nicky chanced another glance at Andy who was grinning at him. He put his face in his hands.

“ _Oh_ , so you _love_ love him.”

“Oh my God,” Nicky whined into his hands.

Thankfully Andy didn’t torture him further and changed the subject after that. Though she did give him a knowing look when Joe sat down and gave him a kiss on the cheek once he and Quynh were released from their check in.

The four of them went to find something to eat for an extremely early lunch. Joe hardly talked, but he did seem to be a little less nervous, especially once he got some food in him. Nicky spent the whole meal with his arm around Joe; eating a sandwich one handed wasn’t the easiest thing he’d ever done but he managed.

They made it back to the arena with five minutes to spare. Joe’s family had arrived and greeted Nicky and Quynh almost as enthusiastically as they greeted Joe. Noor of course diving right back into talking Nicky’s ear off about theater.

Before Nicky knew it, Joe and Quynh were being called over by their coach. Nicky pulled Joe in for one last hug, as his family went to find seats just a little above where Andy and Nicky were sitting.

“Good luck,” Nicky said as Joe tucked his head into Nicky’s neck. “Try to have fun.”

Joe blew air sharply out his nose, it almost sounded like a laugh.

“What? You’re not allowed to enjoy yourself?” Nicky asked.

“No, it’s just- I’m trying not to think about how after this it will all be over,” Joe said, slightly muffled by Nicky’s coat.

“I know you already know this, but no it won’t,” Nicky said.

“Well it feels like the closing of a chapter,” Joe sighed.

“That just means it's the beginning of a new one.”

“Have I told you that I love you?”

“A few times,” Nicky said. “I’ll never turn down hearing it again, though.”

“I love you,” Joe said. Nicky could hear the smile in his voice.

Nicky felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Joe tensed and stepped back as Nicky pulled it out. He felt rather foolish that he hadn’t thought about waiting for news from the ethics board all day. Having Joe, Quynh and Andy to focus on had taken his mind off the entire thing. After a moment of staring at the _new email_ notification he tapped it.

“Is it from the school?” Joe asked after a minute.

“No,” Nicky said, as he stared down at an email from _Riccardo di Genova_ , his father.

**Joe**

Joe knew he should try to be steady for Nicky. He tried to keep himself from overreacting as Nicky looked down blankly at his phone. Joe heard Nicky say it wasn’t from the school. Joe’s body seemed to catch on to what that meant before his brain did. He was almost worried that Nicky would see whatever look of surprise his over expressive face was doing, but Nicky didn't look up. He just stood there frozen, staring at his phone.

When Nicky didn’t move Joe gently placed a hand on his upper arm.

“Nicky?” Joe tentatively asked.

“Yeah, I’m just-” Nicky said, but he trailed off as he opened the email and started to read it.

Joe watched Nicky read the email, searching his face for any clue as to what he was reading, but it remained completely neutral. Joe guessed it was from Nicky’s family. Perhaps his brother was updating him again? But even Joe wasn’t optimistic enough to actually believe that.

Nicky finished reading and let his hand hang uselessly at his side, phone still clutched in it. He looked up at Joe and blinked a few times, only the smallest hints of sadness in his eyes.

“What happened?” Joe asked when it became apparent Nicky wasn’t going to say anything unprompted.

“Here,” Nicky said. He shoved his phone into Joe’s hands and walked away. 

Joe watched him sit next to Andy in the front row of the stands. Quynh was sitting on the railing in front of Andy, her foot on the armrest of Andy’s seat. They both stopped talking and watched Nicky as he sank into the chair, placed his elbows on his knees and leaned his head down into his hands. It wasn’t until they looked over at Joe in unison, concern on their faces that Joe remembered he had Nicky’s phone in his hands.

The phone had locked. Joe tried two slightly incorrect passwords before he remembered the right one. The email was still open, but it was entirely in Italian. For a moment, Joe thought Nicky might not have intended for him to read the email, but a quick glance at him still with his head in his hands banished that thought. Quynh had sunk to the ground in front of Nicky, and was talking to him softly.

It took a moment, but Joe was able to copy the body of the email into an online translator. He prayed that nothing was too terribly lost in the translation and read the email.

Joe’s eyes moved faster than his mind could fully process the slightly broken English. The email spoke of family love and duty. It was hard for Joe to follow it all, but none of the platitudes and statements of passive aggressive love mattered once Joe read the last two sentences.

_With all that being said Nicolò, we have decided to sell the condo as we will not have occasion to use it in the near future. You are expected to be out by the end of the month._

It was signed _Riccardo di Genova_ , followed by a list of professional titles.

Joe reread the last two sentences multiple times before he heard Quynh hiss his name. Joe snapped his head up to see Nicky still sitting with Quynh and Andy, but his entire demeanor had changed. He was leaning back in the chair, slowly shaking his head in disbelief. He had a smile on his face, but somehow still looked upset, angrier than Joe had ever seen him.

“Joe!” Quynh stage whispered at him again. It shook him from his staring and he went to sit down next to Nicky.

“This can’t be right. The end of the month is tomorrow,” Joe said, holding Nicky’s phone out to him.

“Oh, I guarantee you it’s correct. They don’t make mistakes.” Nicky said, pocketing his phone. He laughed darkly and looked up at the ceiling far above their heads. “I should have known. I mean- I suspected something like this would happen. So I should have been preparing. Packing- or- or looking for someplace else to live.”

“What happened?” Quynh asked.

“His parents are kicking him out,” Joe said in practically a whisper, not believing it himself. Nicky still had a hollow, disbelieving smile still on his face. “Nicky, I’m so-”

“No!” Nicky gasped loud enough that it made Joe jump. “No. Please don’t say you’re sorry. This is not your fault.”

Nicky took a shaky breath and clenched his jaw tightly. Joe put his arm around Nicky, whose eyes softened as he leaned into Joe’s side.

“This is unforgivable, I am never speaking to them again,” Nicky said after a moment.

“I can’t believe-” Joe started, but he was cut off by the sound of his coach yelling over to them.

“Ngo! al-Kaysani! Time to suit up.”

Quynh jumped up from where she was still crouched in front of Nicky, she gave Andy’s a kiss and was off, glancing back at Joe as she left.

Joe should have felt torn. This was one of the biggest moments of his fencing career, and as much as he didn’t like to brag he had a shot at doing really well. He didn’t feel torn at all though, he didn’t give a fuck about fencing, all he wanted to do was hug Nicky. Nicky touched the side of Joe’s face. The corner of his mouth turned up in a small melancholic smile like he knew something Joe didn’t.

“Joe, you don’t have to-” Nicky started at the same time his coach shouted, “you’re pushing it, al-Kaysani!” 

“What’re you gonna do, kick me off the team?” Joe shot over his shoulder. He didn’t keep his eyes behind him long enough to see what he was sure was an equal parts shocked and furious reaction from his coach.

“Joe, go. I’ll be fine, go.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t- I don’t care about any of this.”

“Don’t say that, yes you do and your family is here to cheer you on,” Nicky said. When Joe didn’t move he shrugged and added quietly, “I can’t do anything about it right now.”

Joe nodded to himself, he knew Nicky was right, and he couldn’t drop out of the tournament even if he actually wanted to. Nicky forced a broader smile, and gave Joe a gentle push to stand. Joe half jogged passed his coach who he could tell was glaring daggers into the side of his head. He didn’t dare make eye contact with the man though.

He suited up quickly, his round robin was starting soon, and he knew he should be continuing to stay warm and get his head on straight. All he could do was anxiously look back at Nicky every few seconds.

“Joe, he’s fine,” Quynh whispered to him as he stood pretending to pay attention to the bout before his. Joe gave her a sardonic look and she added, “okay, maybe he’s not right now, but he will be. How do you think he’ll feel if you fuck up because you’re worried about him?”

Joe huffed but he knew Quynh was right. The bout before his finished, he grabbed his mask and tried to clear his head.

**Nicky**

Nicky tried his best to not appear upset, he didn’t miss the way Joe kept glancing at him as he waited for his first-

“What is it called, a match?”

“A bout,” Andy replied.

Nicky nodded like having the right vocabulary made anything he was watching make more sense. Fencing moved extremely fast and try as he might, it was incredibly hard to tell who scored or why.

Andy must have caught his confused expression.

“Joe’s about to have his first of six bouts, he doesn’t need to win each one, but obviously the more he wins the better off he’ll be for DE.”

“D-E?” Nicky repeated.

“Direct elimination, _there_ it does matter that Joe wins every bout.”

Nicky nodded, he saw Joe snatch his mask off the chair next to him and walk to the far end of the strip.

Joe’s first match - _bout_ , he mentally corrected himself- did not go well. Andy said that the first fencer to 5 won, and Joe lost 2-5. Joe ripped his mask off and sat down on a chair next to Quynh who had not fenced at all yet.

The next two of Joe’s bouts seemed to go considerably better. He won both with scores of 5-4 but if Joe’s face as he took off his mask after those bouts was any indication, Joe was not happy with himself.

The remaining 3 bouts went much better, at least if Andy’s reaction was anything to go off of. She was basically a professional fencing spectator after nearly four years of dating Quynh. She shouted _hell yeah_ at the top of her lungs after one particularly daring riposte. So Nicky was fairly certain Joe was doing well.

Watching Joe fence was unreal. Nicky had spent an embarrassing amount of time when he wasn’t with Joe over the last month scrolling though his Instagram and staring at photos of him fencing. Nile had even found a video of Joe fencing which Nicky was ashamed to admit he had watched quite a few times. Seeing him live and in person though? That was something else. Nicky may not have 100% understood the rules, but he definitely loved to watch Joe move. He would have to do a lot more research before next time though, as he hated feeling as lost as he did. No matter what Joe said, Nicky knew this would not be the last time Joe would compete.

The round ended and though he tied another fencer with five victories -having only lost his first bout- no one in his round got six. Nicky couldn’t help but feel a little proud.

Joe had gotten progressively sweatier after each bout and each time he took his mask off Nicky had to remind himself that Joe’s family could see him from where they were seated. He tried his hardest not to completely gawk at Joe, with varying degrees of success.

Quynh’s round came soon after and she won all 6 of her bouts handily. Nicky could see why Joe had told him she was potentially Olympic material.

Almost as soon as Quynh’s round was over Nicky heard Joe’s voice carrying over to him and Andy. He was saying something like, _it’ll take two minutes,_ and Nicky was pretty sure he heard a few swear words in the mix. Joe’s coach said something Nicky couldn’t hear and Joe stalked away. He sat down next to Quynh, arms crossed. A few minutes later Quynh came bounding up to them and leaned over the railing to give Andy a kiss.

“Your boyfriend is in huge trouble,” Quynh said. She was smiling but something about her tone made Nicky think it was serious.

“Is that what the shouting match was about?” Nicky asked.

“Kind of. Apparently he pissed Coach off, cause Joe is usually the golden child but he won’t let him leave the team area now.” Quynh rolled her eyes, “essentially he’s grounded.”

Andy laughed as Quynh continued.

“He wanted to come check on you, Coach won’t let him, _that_ was what the shouting match was about.”

“Tell him I’m fine,” Nicky said immediately.

“Are you?” Andy asked.

“Well, I’m a little worried I won’t be able to get packed and out of the condo before tomorrow night- and then I also don’t have a place to live, but I can’t really fix either of those things right now, so-”

Nicky trailed off, Andy didn’t respond and Quynh clicked her tongue.

“Yeah I’m not telling him that. How about I just go with _he’s fine_?”

Nicky laughed and agreed, “sounds good to me.” 

Joe might not believe that the universe had any sort of vendetta against them, but Nicky did wonder at its timing though when his phone buzzed again and he got a look at the display just as Quynh was getting called back. Although, he had no one to blame but himself for saying, “it’s from the school,” out loud when he _knew_ he wouldn’t get the chance to tell Quynh what the email said.

Nicky sighed as Quynh backed away from them with wide eyes.

“So much for _he’s fine_ ,” Andy said.

Nicky chuckled humorlessly and he opened up the email.

**Joe**

“Nicky told me to tell you that he is fine,” Quynh said as she slumped down next to Joe. She wasn’t even trying to mask that she didn’t believe what she was saying.

“Alright, you’ve told me. Now tell me what actually happened.”

Quynh glanced at Joe with pleading eyes and shook her head slightly.

“Quynh-” Joe started.

“He got an email from the school right as the coach was calling for me.”

“From the school? What did it say?”

“I don’t know.”

“What? Quynh, how could you not know?”

“I think the coach would have blown a gasket if I refused to listen to him with how you acted.” Quynh snapped at him.

“Touché,” Joe said with complete sincerity.

“I hate you so much,” Quynh said while trying to hide her smile.

Joe laughed and looked back at Nicky who was staring down at his phone.

“He really said he was fine?”

“Yes. There’s nothing you can do now, just keep your eyes on the prize.”

Joe nodded and started preparing for his first DE bout. 

\---

Direct elimination always took it out of Joe. The bouts went longer on account of them being first to 15 points, and the constant start-stop of saber fencing required a ridiculous amount of energy.

Quynh was always quick to remind him that he was exhausted after DE because he made it to at least the top tier or two of competition every time. While Joe felt uncomfortable with bragging about his fencing, Quynh had no such qualms and would talk them both up with very little humility.

Regardless of how often he had been there though, it didn’t change the fact that he had already been through 6 bouts when he stood ready to face off in the last bout of his college fencing career. Regardless of the outcome, this was it. First or second place, this was the end. 

Joe took a deep breath and stepped up the line.

His opponent was fierce and though Joe reached 8 touchés first, the other fencer was right behind him at 7. The one minute break they were allotted went by too fast. The quick instructions given to him by his coach went in one ear and out the other, he was too busy trying to stretch out his hamstring that was starting to cramp. He had just enough time to take a gulp of water before putting his mask back on, and walking back onto the strip.

The second half of the bout was just as trying. The other fencer had a malfunctioning blade that needed to be replaced, there were multiple false starts from both of them, and all the while Joe could feel his leg edging closer and closer to giving out on him. 

The score continued to stay maddeningly even. The only small bit of relief Joe was able to get wes when he broke away to get a two point lead, which he promptly lost as his cramping leg started to make retreating hard.

The score was at 14-14, and the next person to score would win not just the bout but the entire tableau.

“En garde. Ready? Fence.”

This was what Joe was born to do, and had been doing it as long as he could remember. Everything slipped away, his worries about Nicky’s family, his frustration at Keane, the cheering that had grown steadily louder throughout the nail-biter of a bout. All that was left was muscle memory and determination.

Joe lunged forward, taking brief control of the strip. The other fencer parried and attempted a counter attack. He forced Joe to retreat back, all the while his hamstring felt like it was on fire. Somewhere in the back of his mind Joe cursed himself for not having called for a medical break, but he pushed that down too as his opponent lunged at him.

Three things happened within milliseconds of each other. Joe parried the attack, saw an opening and made a counter attack. Joe heard the buzzer and saw the light indicating a touché, but his mind went immediately to the back of his right leg which was suddenly in unbearable pain.

He fell to his left knee as he heard cheering. He pulled off his mask and fell back onto his ass, trying his hardest not to move his right leg, because every minute movement was causing pain to radiate out from his hamstring. He squeezed his eyes shut, and gripped the back of his leg, which didn’t help but it felt good to try. He was vaguely aware of the team doctor asking him questions.

“Joe!” Quynh’s voice cut through the noise and the pain, “Holy shit that was amazing!”

Joe grit his teeth together and winced his way through a laugh as the doctor and Lykon helped him stand.

“Doesn’t feel amazing,” Joe said, putting all his weight on one foot.

“Well you won. So injury or not, you were fucking amazing!”

Joe laughed as he limped his way over to a table. “Thanks, Quynh.” 

It wasn’t until he was sitting with an ice pack attached to his thigh with an ace bandage that the rush of adrenaline and pain started to subside and he had the presence of mind to realize that his family and boyfriend had all just watched him go down in about as bad a way as one would in fencing. He was able to spot them standing together with Andy and Quynh at the edge of the floor.

Nicky was already looking at him, and he cocked his head to the side in question as soon as Joe locked eyes with him. Joe looked down at his leg with a smile and shrugged. Nicky mouthed something that Joe wasn’t able to make out. Joe shook his head in confusion and Nicky mouthed, _never mind,_ before being pulled back into a conversation with his sisters.

There was still active fencing happening and Joe knew no one would be allowed to come to him for some time, so he found a pair of crutches to borrow and made his way over to the edge of the floor.

Noor was the first person to spot him and she shouted, “Joe!” when he was almost to them. 

“Ah, the wounded hero returns!” Joe’s father joked.

Joe chuckled as he tried to find a comfortable way to stand while balancing on crutches that were definitely too short for him.

“How’s the leg?” Quynh asked.

“Fine, Doc says I only strained it. With the ice I can hardly feel a thing.”

“That was intense,” Miriam said. “Go out with a bang, yeah?”

Joe nodded, and was surprised when he didn’t feel the familiar twinge of sadness at being done with college level fencing. He had gone out with a bang, and he had the crutches to prove it. 

Noor dragged Miriam back into a spirited debate about something Joe didn’t care about, he was too busy looking at Nicky.

“How are you feeling?” Nicky asked. He gave Joe a knowing smile.

“Like I said, it doesn’t hurt much.” Joe stuck out his leg, he felt a slight burning in his thigh as he did.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”

“I know, but really, I’m okay. It’s over now, and as much as I want to throw a pity party, I know I’ll still fence and compete in the future, even if it’s not the same.”

“It probably doesn't hurt that you took first place as well,” Nicky said.

“True, true.” Joe nodded and laughed.

There was a fleeting silence and then Joe remembered everything at once. 

“Oh my god, Nicky! The email- Quynh said you got an email,” Joe exclaimed. The entire group stopped talking and looked at Joe.

“Free and clear,” Nicky said.

“Really?”

“Yes. The ethics board found, and I quote, _no evidence of wrongdoing,_ ” Nicky said. He smirked and added, “I think it helped that we have quite the impressive digital paper trail of our relationship.”

Joe felt relief fill his chest and he awkwardly leaned up off his crutches to give Nicky a kiss. Nicky laughed when he broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against Joe’s.

“So one of two problems working themselves out, that’s not bad right? And I have-” Nicky made a show of looking at the large clock on the far end of the arena, “-thirty one hours, give or take, to figure out where I’m going to live.”

For a moment they just stared at each other. Somewhere in the back of his mind Joe knew this was too soon. A month and a day of dating was jumping the gun. But when had anything they’d done not been too soon or too fast?

“Move in with me.”

“Wh- what?” Nicky’s mouth dropped open, and he glanced at Joe’s family self consciously.

Joe had almost forgotten they were there. His mother, bless her quick thinking, shooed his sisters away, who were both wearing faces equally as shocked as Nicky’s. Joe’s father gave him a skeptical though amused look before following them.

Nicky was still gaping back at Joe. He eventually managed to stutter back, “I- I- Joe, you can’t-” which Joe couldn’t help but grin at.

“You’re practically living with me already, and it seems silly to get another apartment just to keep bouncing back and forth between them.” Joe took a deep breath and forced himself to stop talking. He didn’t need his mouth to run away with him like it always did. He wanted this, he felt stupid that he hadn’t suggested it as soon as Nicky got the email from his father, but he didn’t want to talk Nicky into something if he didn’t want it too.

The shock on Nicky’s face melted away, leaving behind a look of almost total neutrality. Joe could practically see the gears turning behind his eyes. A small smile, the one Joe loved, tugged at the corners of Nicky’s mouth 

“Yeah,” Nicky said nodding to himself, and then finally looking back at Joe, his smile growing wider.

“Really?”

“Yes, of course,” Nicky said.

Nicky grabbed Joe’s face and kissed him. Joe wrapped his arms around Nicky’s back, crutches clattering loudly to the floor. He leaned into Nicky, struggling to keep his balance on his one good leg. Nicky laughed into the kiss and moved his arms to steady Joe.

Quynh catcalled them from somewhere behind him. Joe didn’t mind or care.

**Denouement**

| Nicky 💙 |

_Tuesday 8:47 AM  
_ _When did you say your lease was up again?_

 _The end of August  
_ _What’s wrong?_

_I can deal with a small studio._

_I can deal with sharing this closet  
_ _with you even though you have  
_ _WAY too many clothes._

 _I can even deal with my bed taking  
_ _up more space than yours_ _did,  
to the point that we have   
_ _practically no floor now._

 _What I can’t deal with however,  
_ _is your kitchen!_

_OUR kitchen_

_I’m not claiming ownership of this.  
_ _The apartment can be ours,  
_ _but this kitchen is…_

_Take your time_

_Unacceptable._

_I love you_

_Don’t make fun of me!_

_Lol I’m not_

_I just can tell you’re  
_ _really frustrated and I wish  
_ _I was there to see it_

_Why?_

_You clench your jaw when you’re stressed  
_ _It’s cute_

_You were clenching your jaw, weren’t you_

_…  
_ _Yes._

_I’ll bet it was cute_

_Maybe to you..._

_Oh, definitely to me!_

_ok grump,  
_ _I’ll make you a deal_

_Yes?_

_If you can make it through  
_ _the next 5 months with a subpar  
_ _kitchen I’ll make sure we have the  
_ _best kitchens for the rest of our lives!_

 _I’m talking two ovens  
_ _A refrigerator that has a touch screen  
_ _in the door for some reason.  
_ _Like, a really cool spice rack??  
_ _I don’t know what constitutes a good kitchen…  
_ _The next place we move might be utter shit,  
_ _but it will have a functioning kitchen!_

_The rest of our lives?_

_Too much?_

_No! Not at all!_

_We just moved in together after a  
_ _month of dating. I think the “are we  
_ _moving too fast?” ship sailed long ago._

| Yusuf “Joe” al-Kaysani |

_Tuesday 4:25 PM  
_ _Not having practice anymore certainly  
_ _has its perks, I get to just come home now…  
_ _And I’m not sweaty or anything!_

 _Though crossing the entire campus on  
_ _crutches might do the trick anyway_

 _I wish you would let someone drive you.  
_ _Or at least get an uber...  
_ _or something._

_I promise you I’m fine_

_Anyway, I’m going crazy not being  
_ _able to run or workout. And crutching  
_ _around almost makes me feel human  
_ _again. PLUS people are extremely  
_ _helpful now that I’m not a 6 foot  
_ _tall guy anymore_

_Is this what being short is always like?_

_I am an inch shorter than you.  
_ _MAYBE. If we’re being generous._

_Fine. Keep your secrets._

_Tuesday 5:02 PM  
_ _So how’s unpacking coming?  
_ _Should I pick up something on  
_ _the way home or do you think  
_ _you could deign to help me  
_ _make dinner in OUR kitchen?_

_I'm basically unpacked._

_There are few boxes in YOUR “kitchen”  
_ _but I have a feeling those will not get  
_ _unpacked until we move and get this  
_ _dream kitchen you promised me._

 _But yes, I think I can handle  
_ _making food in it for the next few  
_ _months… including tonight.  
_ _And not just because you’re  
_ _injured and wouldn’t be able  
_ _to carry anything home anyway._

_What a martyr_

_Thank you for understanding my plight._

_How close are you to home?_

_Ummm 10 mins?_

_I know you’ve asked me that before…  
_ _Asked me how close to home I am...  
_ _But it feels different now that we live together_

 _I know what you mean.  
_ _Now the implication is that it’s ours,  
_ _not yours or mine.  
_ _Our home._

_And our kitchen_

_You know...  
_ _I was going for romantic but  
_ _if you’re going to be a jerk._

_Oh stop it, you love me_

_I do._  
_I love you._  
Shitty kitchen and all.

**fin.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh- I can’t believe this is over?? 
> 
> Thank you to those of you who came along on this ride with me and my completely unpredictable update schedule. Your comments and fanart (and sweatpants/shirts?!?!) have made this process so fun!!
> 
> I have absolutely loved inhabiting this fluffy world for the last 3 months, I can’t wait to come back to it. Yeah... I’ve got a one shot and a proper sequel swimming around in my head lol. I’m going to focus on a few other stories first, but I’m 75% sure you’ll see these boys again. (So feel free to sub to the series to get updates on that when/if it happens)
> 
> The BIGGEST of shout outs to Isa (yogurtfordinner) and Kiaya for being my sounding boards during this!
> 
> The title of this fic and the last chapter are from Share Your Address by Ben Platt.  
> If you want even more music that inspired this fic, [here is the playlist I listened to while writing](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4o8rOuMH7geJq7xhlYQ8S1), if you’re into that sort of thing <3
> 
> Come hang out with me on [Tumblr](https://scimitar-and-longsword.tumblr.com/)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Lifeline](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28092522) by [heelipabo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heelipabo/pseuds/heelipabo)




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